The Room screenplay: Act IV by Tommy Wiseau Lyrics
Cut to the room, where Johnny is wearing a tuxedo and talking on the phone.
Johnny: Oh, thank you. Yeah, thanks a lot.
Denny enters, wearing a tux and carrying a football.
Johnny: Oh, hi Denny. Nice tux, you look great.
Denny: You look really handsome.
Johnny: A-ha-ha.
Denny: Your wedding picture’s gonna look great.
Johnny: Oh, thanks.
The doorbell rings. Denny answers it. Peter enters, wearing a tux.
Denny: Oh hey, Peter, come on in.
Peter: Hey guys.
Johnny: Oh hey, Peter.
Denny: You look good too.
Johnny: Sit down.
The doorbell rings. Denny answers it. Mark enters, clean-shaven and wearing a tux.
Denny: Whoa.
Johnny: Wowwwwww.
Mark: Hey guys. You like it?
Peter: Yeah!
Johnny: You look great. You look a babyface.
Denny: You guys want to play some football?
Peter: In tuxes? No, you gotta be kidding.
Denny: Come on, Mark, let’s do it.
Mark: I’m up for it.
Johnny: A-ha.
Denny: Johnny?
Johnny: Ask Peter.
Denny: Come on, Peter.
Peter: Nah, I don’t think so.
Denny: Please?
Peter: No.
Denny: Come on! Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep! (Johnny and Mark join in)
Cut to the alley, where Johnny, Mark, Peter, and Denny are throwing around the football in tuxedos.
Denny: Catch, Johnny! Alright, Peter! Here we go, Mark!
Mark: Come on! Come on! Come on!
Denny: Catch, Mark!
Mark: Go! Go deep!
Peter tries to go deep, but instead trips and falls.
Denny: Gee Peter, you’re clumsy.
Peter: Alright, that’s it, I’m done. Great idea, Denny.
Everyone helps Peter up and exits.
Cut to an exterior street shot in San Francisco.
Cut to the fountain by the Exploratorium, where Johnny is out walking.
Cut to a coffee shop.
Susan: Are you sure?
Patron 1: I'm gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.
Patron 2: Um, I’ll have a large peanut butter cup with extra whipped cream, please?
Male Barista: Alright.
Patron 3: And I’ll take some cheesecake and a coffee.
Barista 2: Okay, why don’t you guys have a seat? We’ll have that right out for you.
Susan: Hi, how you doing? What would you like?
Patron 4: Can I get a bagel with a [inaudible]?
Susan: Great, sure.
Patron 5: I’m gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.
Male Barista: Yeah, sounds good. Why don’t you guys have a seat, we’ll have that right out for you.
Johnny and Mark enter.
Johnny: Oh hi, Susan.
Susan: Well, hi Johnny. How are you? Good to see you. What would you like?
Johnny: Hot chocolate, please.
Male Barista: What size?
Johnny: Medium.
Male Barista: Sure.
Susan: How about you?
Mark: I’ll have the mint tea.
Male Barista: Medium also?
Mark: Yeah.
Susan: Go sit down, we’ll be right there.
Johnny and Mark sit down.
Mark: God, I’m so tired of girls’ games.
Johnny: What happened now, Mark?
Mark: Relationships never work, man, I don’t know why I waste my time.
Johnny: What makes you say that?
Mark: It’s not that easy, Johnny.
Johnny: Well, you should be happy, Mark.
Mark: Yeah, I know. Life is too short.
Susan brings the drinks.
Johnny: Oh, thank you so much.
Susan: You’re welcome. How about something like cheesecake?
Johnny: Nah.
Susan: Real good. Alright.
Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client at the bank, we make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I cannot tell you, it’s confidential.
Mark: Aw, come on, why not?
Johnny: No I can’t. Anyway, how is your sex life?
Mark: I can’t talk about it.
Johnny: Why not?
Susan: Take your time.
Johnny: Oh god, I have to run.
Mark: Already?
Johnny: Yeah, I’m sorry.
Mark: Alright, it’s on me. By the way, do you want to go jogging? Golden Gate Park?
Johnny: Yeah, sure, what time?
Mark: Golden Gate Park, 6:30.
Johnny: Right on, yeah.
Mark: Alright, see ya.
Johnny: Okey-dokey, Mark.
Johnny exits.
Cut to the bedroom. Lisa and Mark enter.
Mark: What’s going on here?
Lisa: I like you very much, Mark.
Mark: Look, come on. Johnny’s my best friend.
Lisa: Just one more time.
She takes off his shirt and the fourth terrible R&B-scored love scene commences. It goes on for about two minutes, full of half-hearted moaning, before cutting to black.
Cut to another tracking shot of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Cut to a car parking in Golden Gate Park. Johnny exits to find Mark.
Johnny: Hey.
Mark: Hey Johnny, how’s it going?
Johnny: Good.
They run side by side tossing the football in the park. The dialogue is faintly audible.
Johnny: Hey!
Mark: Hey Johnny, what's going on?
Johnny: Pretty good. How was your day?
Mark: Pretty good! What's goin' on, Johnny?
Johnny: Not much! [?] today?
Mark: Oh yeah! Good. What's goin' on? What's new with you, man?
Johnny: Not much.
Mark: Catch this!
Johnny: Wooo, weooo weeeoooo, woooo!!
Mark: [?]
Johnny: [?]
Mark: Ohh, yeahh! Catch this, Johnny, come on!
Johnny: [?]
Mark: Pretty good!
Johnny: [?]
Mark: [?]
Johnny: [?]
Mark: Alright, come on, Johnny, catch me!
Johnny: Yeahhhh. I got you!
Johnny wrestles Mark to the ground.
Cut to a shot of the San Francisco skyline.
Cut to the room, where Lisa is sweeping. The doorbell rings.
Lisa: Who is it?
Mark: Delivery man! It’s me, Lisa, come on, open up.
Lisa: Come on in.
Mark enters.
Lisa: Hey Mark.
Mark: Wow, so, uh, you gonna be ready?
Lisa: How do you mean that? I’m always ready. For you.
Mark: I mean for the party.
Lisa: We have plenty of time. All I have to do is put on my party dress.
Lisa drops the broom and takes her shirt off.
Mark: Wait, what are you doing?
Lisa: Nothing.
She takes Mark’s shirt off.
Mark: You’re so beautiful.
They start making out. Someone knocks on the door. They bolt upright and start putting their shirts on.
Lisa: Hurry up, I have to open the door.
Mark: Wait! Hang on.
Lisa puts her shirt on but Mark is still struggling with this task.
Lisa: Come on in, it’s open!
Michelle enters in time to see Mark shirtless before he finally manages to dress himself.
Michelle: Hi! I brought the stuff.
Lisa: I knew I could count on you.
Michelle: Hi Mark. XYZ.
Mark: What are you talking about?
Michelle: Examine your zipper!
Everyone giggles.
Michelle: You guys are too much. So, uh, what can I do to help?
Everyone laughs some more.
Mark: I gotta go.
He exits. Michelle and Lisa are cracking up.
Lisa: Want to help me move the coffee table?
Michelle: Okay. What was he doing here?
Lisa: Uh, he just brought by some takeout.
Michelle: What about his zipper?
Lisa: What about his zipper?
They move the coffee table.
Lisa: Leave him alone, he’s a good guy.
Michelle: Did you tell Johnny yet?
Lisa: No. Mark’s his best friend.
Michelle: Tricky tricky.
Lisa: You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything’s changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.
Michelle: You think you can get it all from Mark?
Lisa: If he can’t give me what I want, somebody else will.
Michelle: Lisa, you’re sounding just like your mother. You’re being so manipulative.
Lisa: So what? You can learn something from me. You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live. Don’t worry about me. I have everything covered.
Michelle: Your point of view is so different from mine.
Lisa: Look. I don’t want to talk about it. People are going to be getting here soon and we have to finish.
Michelle: Lisa!
Lisa: I don’t see what the big deal is. Doesn’t everybody look out for number one? Don’t I deserve the best?
Michelle: I couldn’t do that. You’re too much for me, Lisa.
Lisa: You know, you’re not such an angel yourself.
Michelle: Yeah, but we’re not talking about me, are we?
Michelle attacks Lisa with a pillow. A strange pillow vs broom fight ensues.
Lisa: (laughing) Stop it! Are you trying to ruin my party?
Cut to a tracking shot of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Cut to Johnny and Mark running in the woods and muttering at each other. Again, the dialogue is faintly audible.
Mark: Look how fast I am, man.
Johnny: Yeah, that’s th-... you're right. Yeah, that’s the idea.
Mark: Catch me, come on.
Johnny struggles.
Mark: Catch me, come on.
Cut to a shot of a staircase in San Francisco, which Johnny and Mark are running up.
Mark: Yeah I’m looking for some offers in Sausalito. How are the loans like these days?
Johnny: Pretty good, yeah, you’d be qualified.
Mark: You serious?
Johnny: Yeah, I’m sure.
Mark: Well when can we meet about that?
Johnny: Well, we can talk about this tomorrow.
Mark: Tomorrow?
Johnny: Yeah.
Mark: Maybe like in the late afternoon?
Johnny: Absolutely. Three o’clock?
Mark: Really? Right on man, that’s great.
Cut to Johnny’s car pulling onto a residential street and parking in front of his house. Johnny and Mark exit the car.
Cut to an illuminated building on Columbus at night.
Cut to a cable car on a busy street in the daytime.
Cut to the room, where Lisa is sitting as Johnny enters.
Johnny: Bye, Lisa. (he pecks her on the cheek)
Johnny opens the door to leave and Claudette enters.
Johnny: Oh hi, Claudette. Bye!
Claudette: Bye!
Johnny exits.
Lisa: Hello mom, how are you?
Claudette: I’m okay, how are you?
Lisa: I’m fixing the apartment for Johnny’s birthday, but I’m really not into it.
Claudette: Oh, why not?
Lisa: Because I’m in love with Mark, not Johnny. And here I am, planning his party.
Claudette: It’s not right, Lisa. I still think you should marry Johnny. Now you can’t live on love. You need financial security.
Lisa: But I’m not happy! He still thinks I’m gonna marry him next month. He’s a fool.
Claudette: You expect to be happy. I haven’t been happy since I married my first husband. I didn’t even want to marry your father.
Lisa: You never told me that!
Claudette: Well it’s true. All men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there’s nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
Lisa: Johnny’s okay, I suppose. Actually, I have him wrapped around my little finger.
Claudette: Well, you should be happy then.
Lisa: But I don’t love him!
Claudette: Don’t throw your life away just because you don’t love him! That’s ridiculous! You need to grow up. And you need to listen to me.
Lisa: Okay, mom, I’ll see you at the party. I just need to be alone right now.
Claudette: Bye bye, my precious.
Claudette exits.
Johnny: Oh, thank you. Yeah, thanks a lot.
Denny enters, wearing a tux and carrying a football.
Johnny: Oh, hi Denny. Nice tux, you look great.
Denny: You look really handsome.
Johnny: A-ha-ha.
Denny: Your wedding picture’s gonna look great.
Johnny: Oh, thanks.
The doorbell rings. Denny answers it. Peter enters, wearing a tux.
Denny: Oh hey, Peter, come on in.
Peter: Hey guys.
Johnny: Oh hey, Peter.
Denny: You look good too.
Johnny: Sit down.
The doorbell rings. Denny answers it. Mark enters, clean-shaven and wearing a tux.
Denny: Whoa.
Johnny: Wowwwwww.
Mark: Hey guys. You like it?
Peter: Yeah!
Johnny: You look great. You look a babyface.
Denny: You guys want to play some football?
Peter: In tuxes? No, you gotta be kidding.
Denny: Come on, Mark, let’s do it.
Mark: I’m up for it.
Johnny: A-ha.
Denny: Johnny?
Johnny: Ask Peter.
Denny: Come on, Peter.
Peter: Nah, I don’t think so.
Denny: Please?
Peter: No.
Denny: Come on! Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep! (Johnny and Mark join in)
Cut to the alley, where Johnny, Mark, Peter, and Denny are throwing around the football in tuxedos.
Denny: Catch, Johnny! Alright, Peter! Here we go, Mark!
Mark: Come on! Come on! Come on!
Denny: Catch, Mark!
Mark: Go! Go deep!
Peter tries to go deep, but instead trips and falls.
Denny: Gee Peter, you’re clumsy.
Peter: Alright, that’s it, I’m done. Great idea, Denny.
Everyone helps Peter up and exits.
Cut to an exterior street shot in San Francisco.
Cut to the fountain by the Exploratorium, where Johnny is out walking.
Cut to a coffee shop.
Susan: Are you sure?
Patron 1: I'm gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.
Patron 2: Um, I’ll have a large peanut butter cup with extra whipped cream, please?
Male Barista: Alright.
Patron 3: And I’ll take some cheesecake and a coffee.
Barista 2: Okay, why don’t you guys have a seat? We’ll have that right out for you.
Susan: Hi, how you doing? What would you like?
Patron 4: Can I get a bagel with a [inaudible]?
Susan: Great, sure.
Patron 5: I’m gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.
Male Barista: Yeah, sounds good. Why don’t you guys have a seat, we’ll have that right out for you.
Johnny and Mark enter.
Johnny: Oh hi, Susan.
Susan: Well, hi Johnny. How are you? Good to see you. What would you like?
Johnny: Hot chocolate, please.
Male Barista: What size?
Johnny: Medium.
Male Barista: Sure.
Susan: How about you?
Mark: I’ll have the mint tea.
Male Barista: Medium also?
Mark: Yeah.
Susan: Go sit down, we’ll be right there.
Johnny and Mark sit down.
Mark: God, I’m so tired of girls’ games.
Johnny: What happened now, Mark?
Mark: Relationships never work, man, I don’t know why I waste my time.
Johnny: What makes you say that?
Mark: It’s not that easy, Johnny.
Johnny: Well, you should be happy, Mark.
Mark: Yeah, I know. Life is too short.
Susan brings the drinks.
Johnny: Oh, thank you so much.
Susan: You’re welcome. How about something like cheesecake?
Johnny: Nah.
Susan: Real good. Alright.
Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client at the bank, we make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I cannot tell you, it’s confidential.
Mark: Aw, come on, why not?
Johnny: No I can’t. Anyway, how is your sex life?
Mark: I can’t talk about it.
Johnny: Why not?
Susan: Take your time.
Johnny: Oh god, I have to run.
Mark: Already?
Johnny: Yeah, I’m sorry.
Mark: Alright, it’s on me. By the way, do you want to go jogging? Golden Gate Park?
Johnny: Yeah, sure, what time?
Mark: Golden Gate Park, 6:30.
Johnny: Right on, yeah.
Mark: Alright, see ya.
Johnny: Okey-dokey, Mark.
Johnny exits.
Cut to the bedroom. Lisa and Mark enter.
Mark: What’s going on here?
Lisa: I like you very much, Mark.
Mark: Look, come on. Johnny’s my best friend.
Lisa: Just one more time.
She takes off his shirt and the fourth terrible R&B-scored love scene commences. It goes on for about two minutes, full of half-hearted moaning, before cutting to black.
Cut to another tracking shot of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Cut to a car parking in Golden Gate Park. Johnny exits to find Mark.
Johnny: Hey.
Mark: Hey Johnny, how’s it going?
Johnny: Good.
They run side by side tossing the football in the park. The dialogue is faintly audible.
Johnny: Hey!
Mark: Hey Johnny, what's going on?
Johnny: Pretty good. How was your day?
Mark: Pretty good! What's goin' on, Johnny?
Johnny: Not much! [?] today?
Mark: Oh yeah! Good. What's goin' on? What's new with you, man?
Johnny: Not much.
Mark: Catch this!
Johnny: Wooo, weooo weeeoooo, woooo!!
Mark: [?]
Johnny: [?]
Mark: Ohh, yeahh! Catch this, Johnny, come on!
Johnny: [?]
Mark: Pretty good!
Johnny: [?]
Mark: [?]
Johnny: [?]
Mark: Alright, come on, Johnny, catch me!
Johnny: Yeahhhh. I got you!
Johnny wrestles Mark to the ground.
Cut to a shot of the San Francisco skyline.
Cut to the room, where Lisa is sweeping. The doorbell rings.
Lisa: Who is it?
Mark: Delivery man! It’s me, Lisa, come on, open up.
Lisa: Come on in.
Mark enters.
Lisa: Hey Mark.
Mark: Wow, so, uh, you gonna be ready?
Lisa: How do you mean that? I’m always ready. For you.
Mark: I mean for the party.
Lisa: We have plenty of time. All I have to do is put on my party dress.
Lisa drops the broom and takes her shirt off.
Mark: Wait, what are you doing?
Lisa: Nothing.
She takes Mark’s shirt off.
Mark: You’re so beautiful.
They start making out. Someone knocks on the door. They bolt upright and start putting their shirts on.
Lisa: Hurry up, I have to open the door.
Mark: Wait! Hang on.
Lisa puts her shirt on but Mark is still struggling with this task.
Lisa: Come on in, it’s open!
Michelle enters in time to see Mark shirtless before he finally manages to dress himself.
Michelle: Hi! I brought the stuff.
Lisa: I knew I could count on you.
Michelle: Hi Mark. XYZ.
Mark: What are you talking about?
Michelle: Examine your zipper!
Everyone giggles.
Michelle: You guys are too much. So, uh, what can I do to help?
Everyone laughs some more.
Mark: I gotta go.
He exits. Michelle and Lisa are cracking up.
Lisa: Want to help me move the coffee table?
Michelle: Okay. What was he doing here?
Lisa: Uh, he just brought by some takeout.
Michelle: What about his zipper?
Lisa: What about his zipper?
They move the coffee table.
Lisa: Leave him alone, he’s a good guy.
Michelle: Did you tell Johnny yet?
Lisa: No. Mark’s his best friend.
Michelle: Tricky tricky.
Lisa: You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything’s changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.
Michelle: You think you can get it all from Mark?
Lisa: If he can’t give me what I want, somebody else will.
Michelle: Lisa, you’re sounding just like your mother. You’re being so manipulative.
Lisa: So what? You can learn something from me. You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live. Don’t worry about me. I have everything covered.
Michelle: Your point of view is so different from mine.
Lisa: Look. I don’t want to talk about it. People are going to be getting here soon and we have to finish.
Michelle: Lisa!
Lisa: I don’t see what the big deal is. Doesn’t everybody look out for number one? Don’t I deserve the best?
Michelle: I couldn’t do that. You’re too much for me, Lisa.
Lisa: You know, you’re not such an angel yourself.
Michelle: Yeah, but we’re not talking about me, are we?
Michelle attacks Lisa with a pillow. A strange pillow vs broom fight ensues.
Lisa: (laughing) Stop it! Are you trying to ruin my party?
Cut to a tracking shot of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Cut to Johnny and Mark running in the woods and muttering at each other. Again, the dialogue is faintly audible.
Mark: Look how fast I am, man.
Johnny: Yeah, that’s th-... you're right. Yeah, that’s the idea.
Mark: Catch me, come on.
Johnny struggles.
Mark: Catch me, come on.
Cut to a shot of a staircase in San Francisco, which Johnny and Mark are running up.
Mark: Yeah I’m looking for some offers in Sausalito. How are the loans like these days?
Johnny: Pretty good, yeah, you’d be qualified.
Mark: You serious?
Johnny: Yeah, I’m sure.
Mark: Well when can we meet about that?
Johnny: Well, we can talk about this tomorrow.
Mark: Tomorrow?
Johnny: Yeah.
Mark: Maybe like in the late afternoon?
Johnny: Absolutely. Three o’clock?
Mark: Really? Right on man, that’s great.
Cut to Johnny’s car pulling onto a residential street and parking in front of his house. Johnny and Mark exit the car.
Cut to an illuminated building on Columbus at night.
Cut to a cable car on a busy street in the daytime.
Cut to the room, where Lisa is sitting as Johnny enters.
Johnny: Bye, Lisa. (he pecks her on the cheek)
Johnny opens the door to leave and Claudette enters.
Johnny: Oh hi, Claudette. Bye!
Claudette: Bye!
Johnny exits.
Lisa: Hello mom, how are you?
Claudette: I’m okay, how are you?
Lisa: I’m fixing the apartment for Johnny’s birthday, but I’m really not into it.
Claudette: Oh, why not?
Lisa: Because I’m in love with Mark, not Johnny. And here I am, planning his party.
Claudette: It’s not right, Lisa. I still think you should marry Johnny. Now you can’t live on love. You need financial security.
Lisa: But I’m not happy! He still thinks I’m gonna marry him next month. He’s a fool.
Claudette: You expect to be happy. I haven’t been happy since I married my first husband. I didn’t even want to marry your father.
Lisa: You never told me that!
Claudette: Well it’s true. All men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there’s nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
Lisa: Johnny’s okay, I suppose. Actually, I have him wrapped around my little finger.
Claudette: Well, you should be happy then.
Lisa: But I don’t love him!
Claudette: Don’t throw your life away just because you don’t love him! That’s ridiculous! You need to grow up. And you need to listen to me.
Lisa: Okay, mom, I’ll see you at the party. I just need to be alone right now.
Claudette: Bye bye, my precious.
Claudette exits.