I Yell at It by Tom Segura Lyrics

I love— I love, though, on the medical pornos, those scenes, they always end with letting you know how he’s doing medically.
Like the guy goes, “Uhhh. My back feels better.”
You’re like, “Oh, wow.” [laughter]
“We were all worried about your third lumbar. So, that’s good.”
Crazy, and I swear, this is true, as much as I love that shit, I have never in my life seen a smaller version of my own dick than when I’m in the doctor’s office.
Like, it gets so small, and it leans to the left.
So my dick is like, “What did you say?” [laughter]
“Hmm? Should I be here, Dad?”
You ever yell at it? You’re like,
“What the fuck?! Monday we were hitting thigh, and today you’re like, – ‘I want to stay in bed and read. So…'” [laughter]
“You go out. I’m gonna draw a bath. Bye.'”
And you’ll be like, “You stupid little dick!”
They have porno suggestions. Isn’t that weird too?
Like you watch a scene, It’s like,
“You might also like…” And you’re like, “What?”
And then its like some weird sh— It’s like,
“Sis is mad at her brother for not leaving, so she blows him.”
And you’re like, “Ugh! Gross.
All right, I’m gonna see what it looks like.”
They’re not really related.
That scene is so stupid cause they always call each other Bro and Sis, like any fucking people on the planet do that.
The girl’s like, “Bro! My friends are coming over. Get outta here.”
He’s like, “No way, Sis. Not leaving.”
“Come on! What’ll it take?”
“Boop. Right there. That’s what it’ll take.”
“Okay.”
And you’re like, “All right. It’s not a good premise, but I’ll watch it.” [laughter] [sighs]