How to ride a bike by Tipsy Duck Lyrics
[Narrator]
So, you want ride the bicycle, hm? Well, boys have to become men someday. Follow me and Timmy along, and you'll be on the streets in no time. As our eager Timmy is already on his bike, ready to take on the world! Strap yourself up, and let’s get this show on the road.
*Bicycle crashes, birds caw*
Well, we're all rookies here, and our first lesson is balance. Get yourself some stabilizers, or in other words, a dad.
[Unspoken]
Superhero, creator of you, better than Billy's dad
[Narrator]
With a shove from him, you’ll soon be off and away. But, because time is a whore that doesn't stop sucking, don't be surprised to see your dad lying dead on the floor. No matter, you're on your way to the unexplored streets, and there's still plenty more to learn.
[Man: Captions]
Raining. Good we're wearing these helmets, no?
[Narrator]
And that was the leading cause of death in the 1800's, right next to the black death. But with the great advancements of science and common sense, the great human feat was to make cycling a pleasure for all. A beautifully crafted set of etiquette can seem like an eliquate ballet dance that can make slowest, and the dumbest, thrive.
*Clanging metal*
For better or worse, let's learn how to avoid being this old yokel. The three core rules: Use hand signals, ride on the right side of the road, and don’t stop for anyone. Regardless of how well you understand these rules, some strangers will come about your way. Some nice.
[Nice Man]
Hello!
[Narrator]
Some rude.
[Rude Man]
I’m glad your dad died!
[Narrator]
Don't mind him, he probably had no father to begin with.
At times, Timmy will take a turn to unknown streets. Streets that don’t hold a name. Here, preexisting rules seem bent and bizarre. Some of these streets simply lead to a dead end. Learning how to get around in your town is a big part of cycling. But Timmy, with his head full of brains and shoes full of feet, won't have much trouble with anything. A guy like Timmy will pass everyone.
Timmy won't know when he got here. Somewhere between the crash and now, the day passed and he found himself amongst these creatures, with mental chastity. People here are stuck in an imagined iron main, that slowly drowns out all the fluids of a person, trickling them down into a collective drain that together forms a place called “The Slump.” Make no mistake, though they look very headless and dead, they are just like you. Filled with life, self-doubt, and asbestos that comes with the air. Some of them have set up shop and make their living here, selling snake oil. These are the people with their head full of shoes and shoes full of brains. Mostly communists.
Remember Timmy, just a minute ago? So keen on avoiding the cracks in the road, now found one crack he didn't want to avoid: Crack cocaine. Timmy lost his head forever, and here he will remain until time grants him the ending he deserves. Timmy is a failure, and he was doing so well until he died.
Who’s gonna teach you to ride now? How about this guy? He's nothing like Timmy, he wears his hat backwards and his name is Jimmy. And Jimmy isn't a goddamn loser, he'll leave this place. Good luck, they say? Screw luck! I'll give you something better than luck, I'll give you a bike! Jimmy will listen to me and leave this damn place! Jimmy won't lose a head, Jimmy will get ahead! I'll give him lemons and he'll make the sweetest damn lemonade there ever was. He will throw his balls against the wall and make people look at ‘em! Look at all the size of ‘em! All this because Jimmy is not Timmy! You'll grow up to be no commie, part 5! Write this down, part 5! You are a man! You will not be like Timmy-
*Chess pieces rattle*
The man began to think that like this balloon, he too was full of helium, because all his hopes and loved ones kept floating away.
And, that's about it. Hope you learned something riding with me and Billy here. It's hard to take in all at the same time, but you'll learn as you go. Just remember the bit about bleeding anuses, and you'll be fine. And if at any point you feel like things are spiraling out of control, just remember, you're probably right.
So, you want ride the bicycle, hm? Well, boys have to become men someday. Follow me and Timmy along, and you'll be on the streets in no time. As our eager Timmy is already on his bike, ready to take on the world! Strap yourself up, and let’s get this show on the road.
*Bicycle crashes, birds caw*
Well, we're all rookies here, and our first lesson is balance. Get yourself some stabilizers, or in other words, a dad.
[Unspoken]
Superhero, creator of you, better than Billy's dad
[Narrator]
With a shove from him, you’ll soon be off and away. But, because time is a whore that doesn't stop sucking, don't be surprised to see your dad lying dead on the floor. No matter, you're on your way to the unexplored streets, and there's still plenty more to learn.
[Man: Captions]
Raining. Good we're wearing these helmets, no?
[Narrator]
And that was the leading cause of death in the 1800's, right next to the black death. But with the great advancements of science and common sense, the great human feat was to make cycling a pleasure for all. A beautifully crafted set of etiquette can seem like an eliquate ballet dance that can make slowest, and the dumbest, thrive.
*Clanging metal*
For better or worse, let's learn how to avoid being this old yokel. The three core rules: Use hand signals, ride on the right side of the road, and don’t stop for anyone. Regardless of how well you understand these rules, some strangers will come about your way. Some nice.
[Nice Man]
Hello!
[Narrator]
Some rude.
[Rude Man]
I’m glad your dad died!
[Narrator]
Don't mind him, he probably had no father to begin with.
At times, Timmy will take a turn to unknown streets. Streets that don’t hold a name. Here, preexisting rules seem bent and bizarre. Some of these streets simply lead to a dead end. Learning how to get around in your town is a big part of cycling. But Timmy, with his head full of brains and shoes full of feet, won't have much trouble with anything. A guy like Timmy will pass everyone.
Timmy won't know when he got here. Somewhere between the crash and now, the day passed and he found himself amongst these creatures, with mental chastity. People here are stuck in an imagined iron main, that slowly drowns out all the fluids of a person, trickling them down into a collective drain that together forms a place called “The Slump.” Make no mistake, though they look very headless and dead, they are just like you. Filled with life, self-doubt, and asbestos that comes with the air. Some of them have set up shop and make their living here, selling snake oil. These are the people with their head full of shoes and shoes full of brains. Mostly communists.
Remember Timmy, just a minute ago? So keen on avoiding the cracks in the road, now found one crack he didn't want to avoid: Crack cocaine. Timmy lost his head forever, and here he will remain until time grants him the ending he deserves. Timmy is a failure, and he was doing so well until he died.
Who’s gonna teach you to ride now? How about this guy? He's nothing like Timmy, he wears his hat backwards and his name is Jimmy. And Jimmy isn't a goddamn loser, he'll leave this place. Good luck, they say? Screw luck! I'll give you something better than luck, I'll give you a bike! Jimmy will listen to me and leave this damn place! Jimmy won't lose a head, Jimmy will get ahead! I'll give him lemons and he'll make the sweetest damn lemonade there ever was. He will throw his balls against the wall and make people look at ‘em! Look at all the size of ‘em! All this because Jimmy is not Timmy! You'll grow up to be no commie, part 5! Write this down, part 5! You are a man! You will not be like Timmy-
*Chess pieces rattle*
The man began to think that like this balloon, he too was full of helium, because all his hopes and loved ones kept floating away.
And, that's about it. Hope you learned something riding with me and Billy here. It's hard to take in all at the same time, but you'll learn as you go. Just remember the bit about bleeding anuses, and you'll be fine. And if at any point you feel like things are spiraling out of control, just remember, you're probably right.