Saturday Night At Moodys Diner by Tim Sample Lyrics
If you should have any visitors in the summertime
That want to go to a real authentic down east Maine restaurant
I want to recommend the absolute best in the state of Maine
Now this restaurant is located between the towns of Waldeborough and Rockwood
Right on route one
Gift shop capital of New England
You know was down in (?)
They got that nuclear gift show there
You see that
They take that waste and they kind of reform it
Into these kind of giant ceramic seagull ash trays
They get that out of state fast
But of course you realize that I'm talking about a classic restaurant
Which everyone, most of you have at least heard about
And I'm talking about Moody's Diner
Oh gorgeous
Now mother and I have been down to Moody's on a Saturday night
You drive in
You come up over the hill if its foggy
You see that great big arrow
Pointing down with them little lights flashing
Moody's, Moody's
Drag you right in
You park your car
And you just go to take a little
First of all to get in the place you gotta go up the steps
Go in this little plywood entryway
Just like you've got on your trailer
So you feel right to be home just going in
They even got a couple of them little ceramic cats grabbing the side of the
You know you're home
Now you walk in the door
And you go and you sit in one of them intimate booths
I mean they're intimate
You got to kind of sit
If you're sitting right opposite of each otehr
You got to kind of offset a little or your knee will bump
You know they're kind of
But you sit down there
And they're I'll tell you this gorgeous
this is the real old time ming
They got them little intimate jukeboxes there
Why you, you know
You get to hear the song that the truck driver that was there before you wanted to hear
You know
They even got a lot of songs on there
That they don't got nowhere else you know
How can you miss me when I won't go away and uh
How can you believe me when I told you that I loved you and you know I've been a liar all my life
That's on there
Mother and I that's our song
They got the bottle of generic ketchup right on the table and
They got them little placemats
That looks like a bathmat at a Holiday Inn
You know and
Got a picture of a guy catching a bass going like that
And the colors are kind of jagged off to one side
Gorgeous, gorgeous
Got them little creamers that look like a cow made of plastic
Says ask your waitress bout this
You never do
Well we go in on a Saturday night
And they have got a special down there
For $1.99 all you can eat beans
And you get a good charge of beans
But that ain't all you get
You get the plate
And the beans
You get a nice little paper cup full of cole slaw
This is just the start dear
You get a little plate
With two of these real puffy rolls
That's probably that big see
Course if you was to squish 'em to the actual roll content
Would be about like that you know but
But right alongside of them sitting on the plate
There's a pat, about that big
Of probably the hardest butter on the East Coast
You could probably scoop that up
And drive it right through the rolls, the plate, the table
And everything right there
And not even put a dent in that butter
And of course right alongside the beans on your plate
On your actual plate
They have got two of them bright red hot dogs
You know that kind that look like them road flares that them truckers have
I mean bright red
Now I don't personally, I don't care to eat them
But
I always save them because
There's nothing better trolling for salmon
If you
They'll take six or eight good strikes before they break up
They just, they just bounce right back you know
Well we sit down this one evening
We was just about to enjoy our meal
Now you have to understand that
That Moody's Diner is located very close to the town of Rockland
And Rockland is a town that's been traditionally known for fishermen
And this particular evening these three fellas come walking in the door
And I mean they was pretty hefty boys
You could tell right off they was fishermen
You go out and spend two, three weeks at sea dear
And even if you don't catch much you get kind of gamey
And there was a tailwind when they opened the door and
Now you have to understand there's a counter there next to the booths see
There's a counter and there's little stools
And they was, its built in such a way
If you are sitting down you see
Them stools are located at just about eye level
Now remember that, that's pertinent to the story
Now there's these three fellas walked in
And I mean they was big
I would say, conservatively I would say
The smallest one would probably dress out about 250, 275
They plunked down on them stools
And they started baling them beans
I mean baling
I'd say they had four plate loads to our one
Now at this point I'd just like to point out
That there is a certain inevitable physiological consequence
Involved in the consumption
Of a large amount of this particular vegetable in an enclosed environment
Now there's nothing wrong with this
And it's perfectly natural
It's just the way the human animal is built
And its been this way since the beginning of time
As far as anybody knows
And over the centuries they have devloped
Various, probably thousands of various techniques
Involved in the alleviation of this excess buildup of gas from your system
Now I have not got the time or the inclination to go into all the details
Although it is a fascinating study but
Suffice it to say this
That all of the various techniques
Will fall into two basic categories
Category one
Generally preferred by professional people
Is a technique whereby this excess buildup of gas
Is alleviated in such a manner
That virtually no one is aware that it happened
At least for a few minutes
Now the second category
Generally preferred by sportsmen
Is just what I refer to
As the let it rip approach
Well there's no question that these men were sportsmen
The fellow to mother's immediate left
I say would let go
Of what I'd conservatively estimate to be a 45 second fart
Just about blew the doors off the place
I mean pandemonium
There was three elderly ladies
And they was at the other end
Their tea cups went flying and
There was half a dozen of them anti-nuclear types at the other end
They hit the deck, right under the table
They thought (?) blowed right up you know
There was a bus from the Baptist Sunday School on route one
And they thought they hit a flat
They took off veering and uh
That's just wild
Of course mother was awful embarassed
And I felt called upon to make some sort of a rebuttal
Course I didn't know exactly what to do or say
And I didn't really want to mix it up with these fellas
Looked kind of rugged and um
Course they was just baling them beans through them
Like nothing ever happened you know and
Finally I stood up my full height and I leaned over
This one fella, caught a glimpse of his eyes
I said
How dare you
Sit and do a thing like that before my wife here
He said well if I known it was her turn
I'd have let her go first
That want to go to a real authentic down east Maine restaurant
I want to recommend the absolute best in the state of Maine
Now this restaurant is located between the towns of Waldeborough and Rockwood
Right on route one
Gift shop capital of New England
You know was down in (?)
They got that nuclear gift show there
You see that
They take that waste and they kind of reform it
Into these kind of giant ceramic seagull ash trays
They get that out of state fast
But of course you realize that I'm talking about a classic restaurant
Which everyone, most of you have at least heard about
And I'm talking about Moody's Diner
Oh gorgeous
Now mother and I have been down to Moody's on a Saturday night
You drive in
You come up over the hill if its foggy
You see that great big arrow
Pointing down with them little lights flashing
Moody's, Moody's
Drag you right in
You park your car
And you just go to take a little
First of all to get in the place you gotta go up the steps
Go in this little plywood entryway
Just like you've got on your trailer
So you feel right to be home just going in
They even got a couple of them little ceramic cats grabbing the side of the
You know you're home
Now you walk in the door
And you go and you sit in one of them intimate booths
I mean they're intimate
You got to kind of sit
If you're sitting right opposite of each otehr
You got to kind of offset a little or your knee will bump
You know they're kind of
But you sit down there
And they're I'll tell you this gorgeous
this is the real old time ming
They got them little intimate jukeboxes there
Why you, you know
You get to hear the song that the truck driver that was there before you wanted to hear
You know
They even got a lot of songs on there
That they don't got nowhere else you know
How can you miss me when I won't go away and uh
How can you believe me when I told you that I loved you and you know I've been a liar all my life
That's on there
Mother and I that's our song
They got the bottle of generic ketchup right on the table and
They got them little placemats
That looks like a bathmat at a Holiday Inn
You know and
Got a picture of a guy catching a bass going like that
And the colors are kind of jagged off to one side
Gorgeous, gorgeous
Got them little creamers that look like a cow made of plastic
Says ask your waitress bout this
You never do
Well we go in on a Saturday night
And they have got a special down there
For $1.99 all you can eat beans
And you get a good charge of beans
But that ain't all you get
You get the plate
And the beans
You get a nice little paper cup full of cole slaw
This is just the start dear
You get a little plate
With two of these real puffy rolls
That's probably that big see
Course if you was to squish 'em to the actual roll content
Would be about like that you know but
But right alongside of them sitting on the plate
There's a pat, about that big
Of probably the hardest butter on the East Coast
You could probably scoop that up
And drive it right through the rolls, the plate, the table
And everything right there
And not even put a dent in that butter
And of course right alongside the beans on your plate
On your actual plate
They have got two of them bright red hot dogs
You know that kind that look like them road flares that them truckers have
I mean bright red
Now I don't personally, I don't care to eat them
But
I always save them because
There's nothing better trolling for salmon
If you
They'll take six or eight good strikes before they break up
They just, they just bounce right back you know
Well we sit down this one evening
We was just about to enjoy our meal
Now you have to understand that
That Moody's Diner is located very close to the town of Rockland
And Rockland is a town that's been traditionally known for fishermen
And this particular evening these three fellas come walking in the door
And I mean they was pretty hefty boys
You could tell right off they was fishermen
You go out and spend two, three weeks at sea dear
And even if you don't catch much you get kind of gamey
And there was a tailwind when they opened the door and
Now you have to understand there's a counter there next to the booths see
There's a counter and there's little stools
And they was, its built in such a way
If you are sitting down you see
Them stools are located at just about eye level
Now remember that, that's pertinent to the story
Now there's these three fellas walked in
And I mean they was big
I would say, conservatively I would say
The smallest one would probably dress out about 250, 275
They plunked down on them stools
And they started baling them beans
I mean baling
I'd say they had four plate loads to our one
Now at this point I'd just like to point out
That there is a certain inevitable physiological consequence
Involved in the consumption
Of a large amount of this particular vegetable in an enclosed environment
Now there's nothing wrong with this
And it's perfectly natural
It's just the way the human animal is built
And its been this way since the beginning of time
As far as anybody knows
And over the centuries they have devloped
Various, probably thousands of various techniques
Involved in the alleviation of this excess buildup of gas from your system
Now I have not got the time or the inclination to go into all the details
Although it is a fascinating study but
Suffice it to say this
That all of the various techniques
Will fall into two basic categories
Category one
Generally preferred by professional people
Is a technique whereby this excess buildup of gas
Is alleviated in such a manner
That virtually no one is aware that it happened
At least for a few minutes
Now the second category
Generally preferred by sportsmen
Is just what I refer to
As the let it rip approach
Well there's no question that these men were sportsmen
The fellow to mother's immediate left
I say would let go
Of what I'd conservatively estimate to be a 45 second fart
Just about blew the doors off the place
I mean pandemonium
There was three elderly ladies
And they was at the other end
Their tea cups went flying and
There was half a dozen of them anti-nuclear types at the other end
They hit the deck, right under the table
They thought (?) blowed right up you know
There was a bus from the Baptist Sunday School on route one
And they thought they hit a flat
They took off veering and uh
That's just wild
Of course mother was awful embarassed
And I felt called upon to make some sort of a rebuttal
Course I didn't know exactly what to do or say
And I didn't really want to mix it up with these fellas
Looked kind of rugged and um
Course they was just baling them beans through them
Like nothing ever happened you know and
Finally I stood up my full height and I leaned over
This one fella, caught a glimpse of his eyes
I said
How dare you
Sit and do a thing like that before my wife here
He said well if I known it was her turn
I'd have let her go first