Sister Carrie Chapter 25 by Theodore Dreiser Lyrics
CHAPTER XXV
ASHES OF TINDER: THE LOOSING OF STAYS
When Hurstwood got back to his office again he was in a greater quandary
than ever. Lord, Lord, he thought, what had he got into? How could
things have taken such a violent turn, and so quickly? He could hardly
realise how it had all come about. It seemed a monstrous, unnatural,
unwarranted condition which had suddenly descended upon him without his
let or hindrance.
Meanwhile he gave a thought now and then to Carrie. What could be the
trouble in that quarter? No letter had come, no word of any kind, and
yet here it was late in the evening and she had agreed to meet him that
morning. To-morrow they were to have met and gone off--where? He saw
that in the excitement of recent events he had not formulated a plan
upon that score. He was desperately in love, and would have taken great
chances to win her under ordinary circumstances, but now--now what?
Supposing she had found out something? Supposing she, too, wrote him and
told him that she knew all--that she would have nothing more to do with
him? It would be just like this to happen as things were going now.
Meanwhile he had not sent the money.
He strolled up and down the polished floor of the resort, his hands in
his pockets, his brow wrinkled, his mouth set. He was getting some vague
comfort out of a good cigar, but it was no panacea for the ill which
affected him. Every once in a while he would clinch his fingers and tap
his foot--signs of the stirring mental process he was undergoing. His
whole nature was vigorously and powerfully shaken up, and he was finding
what limits the mind has to endurance. He drank more brandy and soda
than he had any evening in months. He was altogether a fine example of
great mental perturbation.
For all his study nothing came of the evening except this--he sent the
money. It was with great opposition, after two or three hours of the
most urgent mental affirmation and denial, that at last he got an
envelope, placed in it the requested amount, and slowly sealed it up.
Then he called Harry, the boy of all work around the place.
"You take this to this address," he said, handing him the envelope, "and
give it to Mrs. Hurstwood."
"Yes, sir," said the boy.
"If she isn't there bring it back."
"Yes, sir."
"You've seen my wife?" he asked as a precautionary measure as the boy
turned to go.
"Oh, yes, sir. I know her."
"All right, now. Hurry right back."
"Any answer?"
"I guess not."
The boy hastened away and the manager fell to his musings. Now he had
done it. There was no use speculating over that. He was beaten for
to-night and he might just as well make the best of it. But, oh, the
wretchedness of being forced this way! He could see her meeting the boy
at the door and smiling sardonically. She would take the envelope and
know that she had triumphed. If he only had that letter back he wouldn't
send it. He breathed heavily and wiped the moisture from his face.
For relief, he arose and joined in conversation with a few friends who
were drinking. He tried to get the interest of things about him, but it
was not to be. All the time his thoughts would run out to his home and
see the scene being therein enacted. All the time he was wondering what
she would say when the boy handed her the envelope.
In about an hour and three-quarters the boy returned. He had evidently
delivered the package, for, as he came up, he made no sign of taking
anything out of his pocket.
"Well?" said Hurstwood.
"I gave it to her."
"My wife?"
"Yes, sir."
"Any answer?"
"She said it was high time."
Hurstwood scowled fiercely.
There was no more to be done upon that score that night. He went on
brooding over his situation until midnight, when he repaired again to
the Palmer House. He wondered what the morning would bring forth, and
slept anything but soundly upon it.
Next day he went again to the office and opened his mail, suspicious and
hopeful of its contents. No word from Carrie. Nothing from his wife,
which was pleasant.
The fact that he had sent the money and that she had received it worked
to the ease of his mind, for, as the thought that he had done it
receded, his chagrin at it grew less and his hope of peace more. He
fancied, as he sat at his desk, that nothing would be done for a week or
two. Meanwhile, he would have time to think.
This process of _thinking_ began by a reversion to Carrie and the
arrangement by which he was to get her away from Drouet. How about that
now? His pain at her failure to meet or write him rapidly increased as
he devoted himself to this subject. He decided to write her care of the
West Side Post-office and ask for an explanation, as well as to have
her meet him. The thought that this letter would probably not reach her
until Monday chafed him exceedingly. He must get some speedier
method--but how?
He thought upon it for a half-hour, not contemplating a messenger or a
cab direct to the house, owing to the exposure of it, but finding that
time was slipping away to no purpose, he wrote the letter and then began
to think again.
The hours slipped by, and with them the possibility of the union he had
contemplated. He had thought to be joyously aiding Carrie by now in the
task of joining her interests to his, and here it was afternoon and
nothing done. Three o'clock came, four, five, six, and no letter. The
helpless manager paced the floor and grimly endured the gloom of defeat.
He saw a busy Saturday ushered out, the Sabbath in, and nothing done.
All day, the bar being closed, he brooded alone, shut out from home,
from the excitement of his resort, from Carrie, and without the ability
to alter his condition one iota. It was the worst Sunday he had spent in
his life.
In Monday's second mail he encountered a very legal-looking letter,
which held his interest for some time. It bore the imprint of the law
offices of McGregor, James and Hay, and with a very formal "Dear Sir,"
and "We beg to state," went on to inform him briefly that they had been
retained by Mrs. Julia Hurstwood to adjust certain matters which related
to her sustenance and property rights, and would he kindly call and see
them about the matter at once.
He read it through carefully several times, and then merely shook his
head. It seemed as if his family troubles were just beginning.
"Well!" he said after a time, quite audibly, "I don't know."
Then he folded it up and put it in his pocket.
To add to his misery there was no word from Carrie. He was quite certain
now that she knew he was married and was angered at his perfidy. His
loss seemed all the more bitter now that he needed her most. He thought
he would go out and insist on seeing her if she did not send him word of
some sort soon. He was really affected most miserably of all by this
desertion. He had loved her earnestly enough, but now that the
possibility of losing her stared him in the face she seemed much more
attractive. He really pined for a word, and looked out upon her with his
mind's eye in the most wistful manner. He did not propose to lose her,
whatever she might think. Come what might, he would adjust this matter,
and soon. He would go to her and tell her all his family complications.
He would explain to her just where he stood and how much he needed her.
Surely she couldn't go back on him now? It wasn't possible. He would
plead until her anger would melt--until she would forgive him.
Suddenly he thought: "Supposing she isn't out there--suppose she has
gone?"
He was forced to take his feet. It was too much to think of and sit
still.
Nevertheless, his rousing availed him nothing.
On Tuesday it was the same way. He did manage to bring himself into the
mood to go out to Carrie, but when he got in Ogden Place he thought he
saw a man watching him and went away. He did not go within a block of
the house.
One of the galling incidents of this visit was that he came back on a
Randolph Street car, and without noticing arrived almost opposite the
building of the concern with which his son was connected. This sent a
pang through his heart. He had called on his boy there several times.
Now the lad had not sent him a word. His absence did not seem to be
noticed by either of his children. Well, well, fortune plays a man queer
tricks. He got back to his office and joined in a conversation with
friends. It was as if idle chatter deadened the sense of misery.
That night he dined at Rector's and returned at once to his office. In
the bustle and show of the latter was his only relief. He troubled over
many little details and talked perfunctorily to everybody. He stayed at
his desk long after all others had gone, and only quitted it when the
night watchman on his round pulled at the front door to see if it was
safely locked.
On Wednesday he received another polite note from McGregor, James and
Hay. It read:
"_Dear Sir_: We beg to inform you that we are instructed to wait
until to-morrow (Thursday) at one o'clock, before filing suit
against you, on behalf of Mrs. Julia Hurstwood, for divorce and
alimony. If we do not hear from you before that time we shall
consider that you do not wish to compromise the matter in any way
and act accordingly.
"Very truly yours, etc."
"Compromise!" exclaimed Hurstwood bitterly. "Compromise!"
Again he shook his head.
So here it was spread out clear before him, and now he knew what to
expect. If he didn't go and see them they would sue him promptly. If he
did, he would be offered terms that would make his blood boil. He folded
the letter and put it with the other one. Then he put on his hat and
went for a turn about the block.
ASHES OF TINDER: THE LOOSING OF STAYS
When Hurstwood got back to his office again he was in a greater quandary
than ever. Lord, Lord, he thought, what had he got into? How could
things have taken such a violent turn, and so quickly? He could hardly
realise how it had all come about. It seemed a monstrous, unnatural,
unwarranted condition which had suddenly descended upon him without his
let or hindrance.
Meanwhile he gave a thought now and then to Carrie. What could be the
trouble in that quarter? No letter had come, no word of any kind, and
yet here it was late in the evening and she had agreed to meet him that
morning. To-morrow they were to have met and gone off--where? He saw
that in the excitement of recent events he had not formulated a plan
upon that score. He was desperately in love, and would have taken great
chances to win her under ordinary circumstances, but now--now what?
Supposing she had found out something? Supposing she, too, wrote him and
told him that she knew all--that she would have nothing more to do with
him? It would be just like this to happen as things were going now.
Meanwhile he had not sent the money.
He strolled up and down the polished floor of the resort, his hands in
his pockets, his brow wrinkled, his mouth set. He was getting some vague
comfort out of a good cigar, but it was no panacea for the ill which
affected him. Every once in a while he would clinch his fingers and tap
his foot--signs of the stirring mental process he was undergoing. His
whole nature was vigorously and powerfully shaken up, and he was finding
what limits the mind has to endurance. He drank more brandy and soda
than he had any evening in months. He was altogether a fine example of
great mental perturbation.
For all his study nothing came of the evening except this--he sent the
money. It was with great opposition, after two or three hours of the
most urgent mental affirmation and denial, that at last he got an
envelope, placed in it the requested amount, and slowly sealed it up.
Then he called Harry, the boy of all work around the place.
"You take this to this address," he said, handing him the envelope, "and
give it to Mrs. Hurstwood."
"Yes, sir," said the boy.
"If she isn't there bring it back."
"Yes, sir."
"You've seen my wife?" he asked as a precautionary measure as the boy
turned to go.
"Oh, yes, sir. I know her."
"All right, now. Hurry right back."
"Any answer?"
"I guess not."
The boy hastened away and the manager fell to his musings. Now he had
done it. There was no use speculating over that. He was beaten for
to-night and he might just as well make the best of it. But, oh, the
wretchedness of being forced this way! He could see her meeting the boy
at the door and smiling sardonically. She would take the envelope and
know that she had triumphed. If he only had that letter back he wouldn't
send it. He breathed heavily and wiped the moisture from his face.
For relief, he arose and joined in conversation with a few friends who
were drinking. He tried to get the interest of things about him, but it
was not to be. All the time his thoughts would run out to his home and
see the scene being therein enacted. All the time he was wondering what
she would say when the boy handed her the envelope.
In about an hour and three-quarters the boy returned. He had evidently
delivered the package, for, as he came up, he made no sign of taking
anything out of his pocket.
"Well?" said Hurstwood.
"I gave it to her."
"My wife?"
"Yes, sir."
"Any answer?"
"She said it was high time."
Hurstwood scowled fiercely.
There was no more to be done upon that score that night. He went on
brooding over his situation until midnight, when he repaired again to
the Palmer House. He wondered what the morning would bring forth, and
slept anything but soundly upon it.
Next day he went again to the office and opened his mail, suspicious and
hopeful of its contents. No word from Carrie. Nothing from his wife,
which was pleasant.
The fact that he had sent the money and that she had received it worked
to the ease of his mind, for, as the thought that he had done it
receded, his chagrin at it grew less and his hope of peace more. He
fancied, as he sat at his desk, that nothing would be done for a week or
two. Meanwhile, he would have time to think.
This process of _thinking_ began by a reversion to Carrie and the
arrangement by which he was to get her away from Drouet. How about that
now? His pain at her failure to meet or write him rapidly increased as
he devoted himself to this subject. He decided to write her care of the
West Side Post-office and ask for an explanation, as well as to have
her meet him. The thought that this letter would probably not reach her
until Monday chafed him exceedingly. He must get some speedier
method--but how?
He thought upon it for a half-hour, not contemplating a messenger or a
cab direct to the house, owing to the exposure of it, but finding that
time was slipping away to no purpose, he wrote the letter and then began
to think again.
The hours slipped by, and with them the possibility of the union he had
contemplated. He had thought to be joyously aiding Carrie by now in the
task of joining her interests to his, and here it was afternoon and
nothing done. Three o'clock came, four, five, six, and no letter. The
helpless manager paced the floor and grimly endured the gloom of defeat.
He saw a busy Saturday ushered out, the Sabbath in, and nothing done.
All day, the bar being closed, he brooded alone, shut out from home,
from the excitement of his resort, from Carrie, and without the ability
to alter his condition one iota. It was the worst Sunday he had spent in
his life.
In Monday's second mail he encountered a very legal-looking letter,
which held his interest for some time. It bore the imprint of the law
offices of McGregor, James and Hay, and with a very formal "Dear Sir,"
and "We beg to state," went on to inform him briefly that they had been
retained by Mrs. Julia Hurstwood to adjust certain matters which related
to her sustenance and property rights, and would he kindly call and see
them about the matter at once.
He read it through carefully several times, and then merely shook his
head. It seemed as if his family troubles were just beginning.
"Well!" he said after a time, quite audibly, "I don't know."
Then he folded it up and put it in his pocket.
To add to his misery there was no word from Carrie. He was quite certain
now that she knew he was married and was angered at his perfidy. His
loss seemed all the more bitter now that he needed her most. He thought
he would go out and insist on seeing her if she did not send him word of
some sort soon. He was really affected most miserably of all by this
desertion. He had loved her earnestly enough, but now that the
possibility of losing her stared him in the face she seemed much more
attractive. He really pined for a word, and looked out upon her with his
mind's eye in the most wistful manner. He did not propose to lose her,
whatever she might think. Come what might, he would adjust this matter,
and soon. He would go to her and tell her all his family complications.
He would explain to her just where he stood and how much he needed her.
Surely she couldn't go back on him now? It wasn't possible. He would
plead until her anger would melt--until she would forgive him.
Suddenly he thought: "Supposing she isn't out there--suppose she has
gone?"
He was forced to take his feet. It was too much to think of and sit
still.
Nevertheless, his rousing availed him nothing.
On Tuesday it was the same way. He did manage to bring himself into the
mood to go out to Carrie, but when he got in Ogden Place he thought he
saw a man watching him and went away. He did not go within a block of
the house.
One of the galling incidents of this visit was that he came back on a
Randolph Street car, and without noticing arrived almost opposite the
building of the concern with which his son was connected. This sent a
pang through his heart. He had called on his boy there several times.
Now the lad had not sent him a word. His absence did not seem to be
noticed by either of his children. Well, well, fortune plays a man queer
tricks. He got back to his office and joined in a conversation with
friends. It was as if idle chatter deadened the sense of misery.
That night he dined at Rector's and returned at once to his office. In
the bustle and show of the latter was his only relief. He troubled over
many little details and talked perfunctorily to everybody. He stayed at
his desk long after all others had gone, and only quitted it when the
night watchman on his round pulled at the front door to see if it was
safely locked.
On Wednesday he received another polite note from McGregor, James and
Hay. It read:
"_Dear Sir_: We beg to inform you that we are instructed to wait
until to-morrow (Thursday) at one o'clock, before filing suit
against you, on behalf of Mrs. Julia Hurstwood, for divorce and
alimony. If we do not hear from you before that time we shall
consider that you do not wish to compromise the matter in any way
and act accordingly.
"Very truly yours, etc."
"Compromise!" exclaimed Hurstwood bitterly. "Compromise!"
Again he shook his head.
So here it was spread out clear before him, and now he knew what to
expect. If he didn't go and see them they would sue him promptly. If he
did, he would be offered terms that would make his blood boil. He folded
the letter and put it with the other one. Then he put on his hat and
went for a turn about the block.