Ballad of Bertie Kidd by The Whitlams Lyrics
[Verse 1]
"They don't write songs 'bout guys like me
Here, I got one you can have for free"
He was with his old mum
He'd brought her up the pub to watch the Rabbits run around
She liked to see him swear at televisions
Sledging men on football fields
And lashing out on counter meals
Reminds her of the old man
How Souths and life will set you up to fall
[Verse 2]
I was at home with Mum in '88
Friday night, I wish I'd had a date
The phone rings at nine
It's Bert the Baby Blue-Eyed Killer on the line
He says, "Meet us out the back in ten"
Mum says, "Put a jumper on
Although you won't be gone for long
Not when it goes to plan
And Bert will have a plan, he does alright"
[Chorus]
With my balaclava
Curled up like a turban on my head
"Get in," he said
"All we need is a fourth to be a cockatoo
If you don't come, I'm beltin' you
I'm Australia's greatest robber
It's an honour for ya, son
Now, come along"
[Verse 3]
A stolen Sigma in the lane
Bert says, "Get in the back and I'll explain
It's an easy grab
But there's two hours 'til the coast is clear, we'll get a slab
And then we'll get an art collection
My man has left the key outside
We'll cut the canvas with these knives
Be in and out in twenty
Pro Hart and Norman Lindsay and Ken Done"
[Chorus]
With my balaclava
Curled up like a kitten on my head
"Get in", he said
Some men, when they're drinking
Mistake their thoughts for thinking
Australia's greatest robber
With somehow thirty years inside
And he says, "Now we're four blocks away, boys
Pull your headgear down"
I wish it had been me deciding
You'd be mad to put a bet behind him
Bert, the blue eyes hurt
[Verse 4]
Four sittin' ducks in a stolen car
We all need the Brassco, but we've come too far
And if we get done
I hope that I get Malabar, the old girl would come
Three buses, stay with Aunty Val
Norman Lindsay and Pro Hart
I'm about to give my youth to art
These blocks are really long
And there's not much goin' on behind those eyes
[Chorus]
With my balaclava
Rolled down really tight below my chin
They let me in
Some men, when they're drinking
Mistake their thoughts for thinking
Here we are, two blocks away
Fully hooded, on our way and
Sure enough, some cops are passing
Scratch their chinny-chins
They see eight wide eyes with cans of Reschs
Call it in, and then they met us there
Foot of the stair
[Verse 5]
Bert looks the judge right in the eye
Says, "It was unseasonably cold that night"
They read mine out
But I don't hear the verdict
Mum was crying out
At least I got the ocean view
Australia's greatest robber
Got me thirteen months of bother
Ah, it's who you hang around, boy
Who says, "You, come along now for a ride"
"They don't write songs 'bout guys like me
Here, I got one you can have for free"
He was with his old mum
He'd brought her up the pub to watch the Rabbits run around
She liked to see him swear at televisions
Sledging men on football fields
And lashing out on counter meals
Reminds her of the old man
How Souths and life will set you up to fall
[Verse 2]
I was at home with Mum in '88
Friday night, I wish I'd had a date
The phone rings at nine
It's Bert the Baby Blue-Eyed Killer on the line
He says, "Meet us out the back in ten"
Mum says, "Put a jumper on
Although you won't be gone for long
Not when it goes to plan
And Bert will have a plan, he does alright"
[Chorus]
With my balaclava
Curled up like a turban on my head
"Get in," he said
"All we need is a fourth to be a cockatoo
If you don't come, I'm beltin' you
I'm Australia's greatest robber
It's an honour for ya, son
Now, come along"
[Verse 3]
A stolen Sigma in the lane
Bert says, "Get in the back and I'll explain
It's an easy grab
But there's two hours 'til the coast is clear, we'll get a slab
And then we'll get an art collection
My man has left the key outside
We'll cut the canvas with these knives
Be in and out in twenty
Pro Hart and Norman Lindsay and Ken Done"
[Chorus]
With my balaclava
Curled up like a kitten on my head
"Get in", he said
Some men, when they're drinking
Mistake their thoughts for thinking
Australia's greatest robber
With somehow thirty years inside
And he says, "Now we're four blocks away, boys
Pull your headgear down"
I wish it had been me deciding
You'd be mad to put a bet behind him
Bert, the blue eyes hurt
[Verse 4]
Four sittin' ducks in a stolen car
We all need the Brassco, but we've come too far
And if we get done
I hope that I get Malabar, the old girl would come
Three buses, stay with Aunty Val
Norman Lindsay and Pro Hart
I'm about to give my youth to art
These blocks are really long
And there's not much goin' on behind those eyes
[Chorus]
With my balaclava
Rolled down really tight below my chin
They let me in
Some men, when they're drinking
Mistake their thoughts for thinking
Here we are, two blocks away
Fully hooded, on our way and
Sure enough, some cops are passing
Scratch their chinny-chins
They see eight wide eyes with cans of Reschs
Call it in, and then they met us there
Foot of the stair
[Verse 5]
Bert looks the judge right in the eye
Says, "It was unseasonably cold that night"
They read mine out
But I don't hear the verdict
Mum was crying out
At least I got the ocean view
Australia's greatest robber
Got me thirteen months of bother
Ah, it's who you hang around, boy
Who says, "You, come along now for a ride"