Tom Collins by The Sloppy Boys Lyrics

[Verse 1]
I sent a Venmo to BevMo to say
Thanks for the suds
You gave a great buzz
To me and my buds
I sent a Paypal
To the great gals at the Costco Store
And the lady with the grape tree on the vineyard tour
All I wanna do is show my gratitude

[Chorus 1]
And if I ever meet Tom Collins
I'd like to shake his hand
You got me drunk, man
You got me sloshed, dude
You got me tanked, Tommy
You got me blotto, buddy boy
Oh, you got me right where you want me
In the drunk tank
Home sweet home
[Verse 2]
I'd go to hell and back
For a Sazerac
Oh I thank you warmly
For a dark and stormy
I'd slip you a fiver
For another Screwdriver
And leave a mondo tip
For a Mint Julep
If you know what I mean
I know you know what I mean

[Chorus 2]
And if I ever meet Tom Collins
I'll kiss him on the lips
And squeeze his little hips
Do some twirls and dips
Hold him in my grips
To thank him for the sips
Cause they got me
Oh yeah they got me
Three sheets to the wind
Land Ho

[Verse 3]
I'll send an edible arrangement
To my travel agent
Cause they had free booze
On my carnival cruise
Hey kid, can you tell me
What's Australian for 'beer'
And then what's Australian for 'puke'
Cause I just chundered here
If you know what I mean
Dear God, do you know what I mean?
[Chorus 3]
And if I ever meet Tom Collins
We'll have to get a room
And I'll make him my groom
With a big house full of children
And a future that we're building
We'll grow old God willing
Cause you got me
Oh yeah you got me
Got me drunk now Tom