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Lyrify.me

Meet The Staff by The SCP Foundation Lyrics

Genre: misc | Year: 2011

Senior Staff and You
These are the people who are assigned responsibilities on the site. It's their job to help keep the site running as smoothly and as well as possible. Most of them are veterans, with experience built up from the time spent here. Here's a small dossier to help show who the senior staff are. If you have an issue for staff to address, please refer to the Contact Staff page.

Note: You are expected to know who staff are when you encounter them "in the wild", because you have to know when to listen to them. You don't have to memorize or even thoroughly read these bios. But you do have to know which people are staff.

PS: Yes, these are tongue-in-cheek, but they're still true, so don't be surprised. We warned you.

Administrators
anqxyr: The sneakiest and one of the most tech savvy admins. Rumour has it he coded djkaktus from three lines of BASIC and stolen Wikidot APIs. Watches more TV shows than he rightfully should. Lately, he's been carving out the resident chat bot, jarvis, out of a solid block of code. Writes skips on rare occasions.

Dexanote: Canadian Pokemon Master. Good at brainstorming and expanding on ideas, not so great when it comes to rewrites and refining failed drafts. Excellent at grammar and phrasing. Possibly part hobbit. Has not, in fact, caught them all.

Dr. Mann: A pretty cool guy, and a great writer. He's got a very impressive creative mind, though sometimes it's used for evil. Good choice for asking military-related questions. Also runs the Wanderers Library.

Photosynthetic: One of our resident scientists. Can you guess what her specialty is? In any case, she's very helpful, and great with science; if you need to science up an article, she's a great person to ask. We can neither confirm nor deny whether she possesses anomalous sun-powered eldritch abilities.

Quikngruvn: Not that quick and rarely ever groovin', he's a cynical but generally easy-going old fart (born during Nixon's second term). By and large out of the critique business, but willing (and sometimes able) to answer specific questions in chat. Holds a degree in chemistry, is a sysadmin developer by trade, and is a fan of trivia. Has an affinity for sarcasm and puns. Occasionally goes by Teratophobia in chat1.

Roget: The lil' Stalin himself. Very active, and willing to help people out, if you send him a PM. Tries to answer every wikidot PM sent to him… eventually. Currently in charge of the Foundation Origins SCP role-playing game, and moderates the Wanderer's Library. He's also written the History Of The SCP Foundation essay series, so he's the best person to ask questions about site history.

Silberescher: Alias Silber. Pretty much everything he says is tongue-in-cheek or sarcastic. Remember that, and you'll get along with him well. Gives solid advice, and is an exceptional writer, even if he doesn't think he is (just read his writing). Also, kind of into comics and CCGs. Ask him about his SCP Magic Expansion.
SoullessSingularity: Quirky and bizarre sometimes pretty much all the time, but mostly harmless. Soulless has an intense passion for horror, strong prose, and compelling fiction- and will be happy to help any drafts out in becoming these things! He'll gladly listen to just about anyone's concerns and can be waved down on the chat or in Private Message. Go ahead and ask him what 'lmapo' means.

TheDeadlyMoose: Kind of sassy, but has a good eye for what works. Said to be a good editor. Has a tendency to leave lots of criticism. Likes talking about anthropology, psychology (ish), gender, and sexuality. Token admin of non-binary-gender (usually 'they'/'zie' pronouns). Admin at the Wanderers Library. Current chat owner of #site19 and help chat (#site17). Will answer almost any question you care to ask.

TheDuckman: A.K.A. Bright. A self described "crotchety old man", so beware. He's blunt and crude, but always working for the best. Has been reliably active longer than any other present administrator. He is not now, nor has he ever been in recent memory, a monkey.

TroyL: A great guy, and a better writer. TroyL is known for quality work, and you'll recognize his stuff when you see it. Puts a hell of a lot into the site. Troy is the admin among admins, the one who gets shit done. If you have a problem, talk to him. Also talk to him if you're interested in becoming staff. And read his stuff while you're at it (especially if you see this sentence before Troy notices it and deletes it again).

Waxx: Waxx is a pretty cool guy, he shoots guns and doesn't afraid of anything. Most likely to execute you for heresy, he is rarely spotted but may be helpful when he is. May.

Zyn: Psychology and social behavior major (formerly biology), poetry enthusiast, part-time violin tutor, and butterfly caretaker (generally of Nymphalis antiopa, in the spring), Zyn is readily available for answering of questions in the IRC (send her a private message, or try #thecritters) and through wikidot PM. She can help if you want your articles to evoke non-scary emotions. Favors "Marp" as an onomatopoeia. Is kaiju butterfly ninja master on the weekends.

Moderators
Accelerando: Resident tagger of articles and music aficionado dilettante. His attention span keeps him away from chat, and usually drops in once every 3 months before zipping back into the void. Highly willing to discuss and brainstorm article ideas (or albums) through PMs.

Bouncl: Sometimes goes by Imants. He's a nice guy with a good head on his shoulders. Not around as much, but happy to help if you need something and he's around.

Cimmerian: Narrowly beating out Dr Mann as the SCP wiki record holder for "longest time spent flying under the radar," Cimmerian helps out on some of the less visible teams. Generally helpful and affable.

Jacob Conwell: After being hand crafted in the ironic wasteland that is Portland, Oregon, Conwell came to the wiki to write about robots, lasers, and people who make robots both with and without lasers. He’s usually in the chat, and is happy to look at drafts of all kinds. He’s better used for developing ideas than for fixing grammar, because words are hard.

Decibelles: Decibelle is Team Captain for Community Outreach, Rewrite, Ambassador and Mom (although she is not a mom herself). Rumor has it she makes sick beats, but current sightings of said sick beats are as of yet unconfirmed. She is most likely to be on IRC, but not too talkative. She also would like everyone to read the Wanderer's Library and participate there, because why not? Have a nice day!

LurkD: Some say, that she is one of the protons in the Large Hadron Collider, and that she creates miniature black holes every time she sneezes. Some say she was the one who actually pulled Excalibur from the stone and that she is the rightful king of England. All we know is she's called the Stig LurkD! Enigmatic formatting guru and mysteriously helpful lurker in chat, it is said that those who survive an encounter with LurkD are usually better off for it doomed to a most terrible fate.

Dr_Kens: Kens moderates r/scp to atone for his sins, which are many. In addition to materials engineering, graphic design is his passion and he can occasionally be found making some pretty sweet SCP Foundation-related posters and edits.
Pig_catapult: Our very own tactical bacon delivery/bombardment system. Pig's been here a while, and generally has a good instinct for whether an idea will go over well. She might not say much most of the time, but she's usually just a ping or private message away.

ProcyonLotor: is the only raccoon currently on staff, and thus the coolest one by default. He can appear grumpy at times, but in reality he's just a fan of whining and hyperbole. One of the chief licensing dorks, and always happy to answer questions about Creative Commons.

Vincent_Redgrave: Vince is a graphic designer/marketing analyst in training and a fountain of nerd culture and useless general trivia. He's also an SCP wiki hype-man who helps run the Official SCP Foundation Facebook Page and wants you to go 'like' it this instant. Contact him if you need help with a story, with editing an image, or want to learn who 'Booster Gold' is or why Helvetica is literally the worst font.

WrongJohnSilver: WrongJohnSilver is known for his penchant for cufflinks and tie clips, providing patient, high-level draft critique, and the ability to be unfazed by any topic. He's the sort of person who can go from vacationing in a German spa town, to dodging the city watch and a zombie invasion on the streets of Prague within the week. Ask him about his extensive wine collection, or if you would like to rewrite an article.

Operational Staff
AbsentmindedNihilist: AKA Niles. Neuroscience geek, aspiring screenwriter, empress of the bookworms. Active in chat and on site. Will happily critique the heck out of your grammar or your concept and is always delighted to receive PMs asking for advice. Recurring themes in her work include reimagining of mythology, evocative imagery, and gay dogs. May or may not be 5 corgis in a trenchcoat. Bork.

Aiden Eldritch: Chaotic Chatstaff alignment. Not EldritchCadence. Specialises in abstract maths, programming and snark. Come to them if you're writing a tale: science-fiction and character-building are preferred.

A Random Day: SCP Wiki in the streets, IRC chat in the sheets. According to him, his tales and SCPs are criminally underrated. According to everyone else, they're criminally overrated. Promoted to staff because people were too lazy to explain why he shouldn't be. Derives all his self-worth from fixing spelling, grammatical, tonal, and conceptual errors and will critique drafts if asked.

Blaroth: AKA Roth. Probably not a cat. Runs the official tumblr and a bunch of other things for Internet Outreach. Does way too much and is way too helpful.

bluesoul: Specializes in networking and server technology by day. Punches bears and makes rap beats by night. Can answer most questions on computers as well as high- and low-level networking. Can review just about anything for tone.

ChaoSera: Also answers to Chao, Sera and "that nerd in the corner". Can answer most Computer Science and Robotics related questions, happy to give critique on all kinds of drafts. Usually available in IRC and via PM. Will probably show you pictures of his cat when you let him. Or talk to him for a while. Or pass him in the hallway.

ChrisAKAPiefish: ChrisAKAPiefish is possibly a pastry, possibly a fish, possibly both. He runs the Official SCP Foundation Facebook Page and also draws possibly the worst Microsoft Paint drawings of SCP's the world has ever seen. He's a Support Analyst mostly working with SQL, he's an avid gamer and can usually be found lurking in IRC.

EldritchCyanide: Most likely to be seen on IRC, EC (Also known as EldritchCadence) gives crit and advice in between College Stuff (tm) whenever they're available. They're a good person to go to for both SCPs and tales, and can occasionally help flesh out ideas they find interesting. If you see them on, feel free to say hi and ask for crit! Just make sure to bring pictures of dragons along to assauge them.

dankaar: Another staffer who is mostly under the radar, the rarely spotted dankaar is Good With Critique.
Faminepulse: The wiki's patron saint of noobs. Known for speaking in non sequitur and writing some of the wiki's weirder articles. Will create images and audio for you if you can show him a good draft.

Fantem: Regularly found answering weird questions on the official tumblr, Fantem is a known bun and is to be apprehended on sight.

Joreth: People think Joreth is a wolf - but he's actually a dog wearing a wolf hat. Believed to be made staff in a failed attempt to curb shitposting. Does Internet Outreach because no one wants him on the site.

Lazar: Draft critter. Idea critter. Possibly swamp critter. Can be found frequenting IRC and forums. Keeps a watchful eye on draft and idea forums to poach unsuspecting posts.

LilyFlower: Officially the only flower on staff, Comrade Lily can almost always be found in chat. Likes politics, zoology, and gay stuff, and helps run the official tumblrs (yes, there's two!) Always happy to help with anything she can, so just shoot her a PM.

Mistbourne: "The Man with the Red Pen", his grammarian tendencies tend to result in much nitpicking of the use of the English language. Enjoys thunderstorms, mowing his lawn and gently correcting poor critique.

MrWrong: Apparently the only staff member from Asia (specifically, Singapore) and alleged Japanophile (who really should try to venture out of articles based on Japanese cultural anecdotes). While he has written many articles, the ratings are admittedly not spectacular (SunnyClockwork attributes that to a lack of "plugging", so here's another avenue). Will be willing to look through drafts if asked to. Prefers to engage the site via a laptop.

Randomini: will shout at you for not doing enough conceptual development, or help fix your CSS or JS shenanigans. Recommends the Characters Killed Per Paragraph (CK/P) as a metric for high-quality writing.

rumetzen: Medic wunderkind. Frequently lurking in chat, but when he speaks it's probably best to ignore it. A decent source of medical and military knowledge, so if you need any of that fact checked he's a good guy to go to. Also a mod at the Wanderer's Library and will show up at awkward times if you mention it. Has a good eye for editing tales.

Sirens: Sirens usually hangs out in 19 and 17 and is almost always available to answer questions or critique requests. Feel free to flag her down, or send her a PM, if you've got ideas for crosslinks, a rewrite you need help with, or would like critique on your articles.

Dr Solo Solo's usually around in 19, 17, or any of the hundred million unofficial side chats to lend a hand with crit and tell you that evolution doesn't work the way you think it does. You may know him as the author of such hits such as "the mayo one", "the potato one", and "the skeleton one".

Tuomey: Oh god not this guy again. Kind of a dork? Juggles responsibilities, balls, and clubs - sometimes all at the same time.

Wogglebug: Wogglebug is some guys who woggles, and definitely not a robot of some description. A fan of oldish books and coolish names, he's very much interested in both your article and you as a person. Tends to hang around Site19, and is (almost) always available for help with drafts on tales and SCPs. Rather great at editing.

Junior Staff
Junior Staff are users who we're testing out to see if they'll work well as full members of staff.

Current Junior Staff: A VacuumA Vacuum, ApoplexicApoplexic, AthenodoraAthenodora, bittermixinbittermixin, DrBleepDrBleep, DrMagnusDrMagnus, Fingo7Fingo7, FlawedFlawed, MrAnakinSpecterMrAnakinSpecter, LadyKatieLadyKatie, LeveritasLeveritas, PecanPecan, sirpuddingsirpudding, Sly161Sly161, subtleteasubtletea, This Is WarThis Is War, trettertretter, TyGentlyTyGently, UpdogUpdog , WaterfireWaterfire, Zachary MaxwellZachary Maxwell.

Inactive Staff Members

These staff members have been deemed inactive, due to prolonged absence or real life events that keep them from participating in the site any longer.

Inactive Administrators: The Administrator, far2, FritzWillie, Paradox / Pair Of Ducks, Drewbear, Dr. Gears, Kain Pathos Crow, Sorts, Clef, snorlison
Inactive Moderators: Cryogenchaos, Ekzentric Lohner, Eskobar, Fat Ghost, Dr. Gerald, Heiden, Iceberg, Kraito, Sophia Light, Lt. Masipag, Pig_catapult, Mr. Unimport, Vivax
Inactive Operational Staff: Doctor Anborough, Azzleflux, Break, Burns, Dmatix, Eric_H, Fifthman, Agent Kramer, Jekeled, Kulzn, Metaphorphosis, Nioki, murphy_slaw, MisterFlames, Pixeltasim, Reject, RhettSarlin, Spikebrennan, thattallfellow, weizhong

Footnotes
1. Or, when feeling particularly edgy, GreatGrandStellated120Cell.