Mitch Hedberg by The Improv Fairy Tale Lyrics
Alright there are a lot of people in the bathroom. I don’t want to waste these jokes. Are there speakers in the bathroom. Alright, well fuck it, let’s do it. I’ll save my more physical stuff for later. This is all audio. To the people in the bathroom, how’s it going in there.
You know this improv sign, all the improves have it. And the one in Tempe, the sign in made out of Gold. I swear to god. And at the end of the week, the GM wasn’t going to pay me. So I stole the M. Cause the M seems like it weighs the most. Followed by the R, then the P. The P was one little thing away from being just as heavy as the R. Then I had a gold M, and I said “DO you want to buy a gold M” and the guy was liek “what the fuck do I need a gold M for” Well what about a gold W?
I had a bad set here last night, and they added an E to the end of the sign. Now let me ask you this, why do you think there is a brick wall behind comedians. Maybe in the old days there was a wolf that did comedy. All the old clubs had straw in the back. But the wolf would have a bad set, and would huff and puffed and fuck shit up. Then we went to sticks. And once again, he huffed and puffed. And fucked shit up. Now we’re at bricks, and the wolf can’t do shit. That’s the Improv fairy tale.
When I was at the DC improv they would use my name for everything and it was embarrassing. Like after the show I would go hang out in the green room, and there were maybe two people, but out of two hundred. They would get on the intercom and be like “hey, we need to clear out the show room, Mitch Hedberg is not here anymore” for two fucking poeple. Which means that 198 people were like who gives a shit. Then they would get on and say “Ladies and Gentlemen, please do not yell Mitch’s jokes during the performance” because one guy yelled a joke out, and I got upset. But it’s so fucking funny. They were using my name and making me look like an asshole. Go into my head and then come back out and tell me I’m wrong.
You know this improv sign, all the improves have it. And the one in Tempe, the sign in made out of Gold. I swear to god. And at the end of the week, the GM wasn’t going to pay me. So I stole the M. Cause the M seems like it weighs the most. Followed by the R, then the P. The P was one little thing away from being just as heavy as the R. Then I had a gold M, and I said “DO you want to buy a gold M” and the guy was liek “what the fuck do I need a gold M for” Well what about a gold W?
I had a bad set here last night, and they added an E to the end of the sign. Now let me ask you this, why do you think there is a brick wall behind comedians. Maybe in the old days there was a wolf that did comedy. All the old clubs had straw in the back. But the wolf would have a bad set, and would huff and puffed and fuck shit up. Then we went to sticks. And once again, he huffed and puffed. And fucked shit up. Now we’re at bricks, and the wolf can’t do shit. That’s the Improv fairy tale.
When I was at the DC improv they would use my name for everything and it was embarrassing. Like after the show I would go hang out in the green room, and there were maybe two people, but out of two hundred. They would get on the intercom and be like “hey, we need to clear out the show room, Mitch Hedberg is not here anymore” for two fucking poeple. Which means that 198 people were like who gives a shit. Then they would get on and say “Ladies and Gentlemen, please do not yell Mitch’s jokes during the performance” because one guy yelled a joke out, and I got upset. But it’s so fucking funny. They were using my name and making me look like an asshole. Go into my head and then come back out and tell me I’m wrong.