Act One Scene I: The Nettle by the Thorns by The Granite Shore Lyrics
SCENE I. A public house. Tony, Rich and Chris are sitting at a table with pints of beer, conducting an interview
Chris: Right, tape's rolling
Tony: Really? You still use tape?
Chris: Nah, just a figure of speech. "Hard disk's whirring" doesn't have the same ring to it. Right, shall we talk about the band?
Rich: If we must
Tony: Don't take any notice of this miserable git, we're thrilled to be back. It's unfinished business, we've still got tons to prove, and even more to say
Rich: [Raises eyebrow quizzically] There's plenty we could say...
Chris: Great. We'll come back to that in a minute but, just to kick things off, memories of the early days?
Tony: If you can remember it you weren't there, ha, ha! Nah, seriously, heady days, heady days... We were like brothers
Rich: Actually that's true. We lived in each other's pockets, plotting a shared future. The first single was done in one overnight session and though me and him [nods at Tony] were on the Dole and could crawl off to bed at the end of it, the others went straight from the studio to work in the morning. They believed in it as much as we did and had more scope to prove it
Tony: All for one!
Rich: [With heavy irony] Mmm. Sometimes fell down a bit on the one-for-all bit
Chris: What happened? You were just starting to get somewhere when Pete left, right?
Tony: Didn't wanna risk giving up his day job
Rich: It was more complicated than that and you know it. [Looks at Tony] He had a job to risk for a start, plus he was married with a kid on the way. He was beginning to grow up whereas we... [Shrugs] Al was older than us, he'd been in bands for years, so he knew the score and stuck it out. [Pause] It was never the same after Pete went but I s'pose me and him, [nods at Tony] well, we'd got tunnel vision, we thought we were God's gift
Chris: You mean...?
Tony: Now, now, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. [Guffaws]
Rich: We thought we were unbeatable, him singing my songs, we thought the whole world would get it, and we thought we had something to say, or I did, anyway. Never been sure about anyone else. You know what it's like, at twenty you want to change the world but by forty you're alarmed to find it has changed and you'd rather like it put back the way you found it
Tony: [Butting in hastily] Some of those songs mean an awful lot. I've had people come up to me saying our records got 'em through really dark times in their lives. [Solemnly] That's a privilege, y'know. So yeah, we really thought everyone'd get it
Chris: Well now, of course, people are getting it and reunion rumours have been doing the rounds for a while, only there'd always been talk of insurmountable acrimony between you two
Tony: Crap! I love this bloke. Always have, always will
Rich: Acrimony? Nah, not really. We... We were holding each other back, as though we only had one life between us, so each of us was only half-alive except when we were working. You can carry on like that for a bit, when you're young, especially in an industry where stunted growth's a definite asset, only...
Tony: [Cutting in again] Steady on! Getting a bit deep, aren't we?
Chris: You met up again at Alan's funeral, right?
Rich: That hit us hard. We always thought Al was indestructible, that he'd outlive us all. I mean... [Looks at his shoes] We were hardly the wildest of bands but we still seem to've left a trail of widows and orphans in our wake. I don't s'pose it can be helped, but it's still too high a price
Tony: [Cutting in again] Yeah, poor old Al. Great bloke... Terrible dress sense, mind... [Rich gives him a baleful look] No, seriously, lovely bloke, we all miss him like mad and he's with us in spirit, him and... [Looks at Rich then continues hurriedly] Anyway, our old mate Steve's stepped into the breach. And Al, if you can hear me... Get your hair cut by the time we make it up there, eh?
Rich: "Up there"? Optimistic, aren't you?
Tony: You know me, mate, always look on the bright side
Chris: Right. This is obviously a painful subject so we'll move on. After the band split, Tony went solo and did pretty well for a while
Tony: Can't complain, I've had a good run and I'm so grateful to everyone who's kept the faith; I'm told my stuff's really popular on these new streaming, er, you know...
Rich: Platforms?
Tony: Yeah, that's it, streaming platforms! So the future's looking good
Rich: You might want to check your royalty statements. I got 23p in streaming income for the whole of last year
Tony: Bloody hell, you've been had, mate!
Rich: You don't read your statements, do you? I'm getting songwriting and performing royalties. You'll've had about a penny for that same stuff
[Tony looks aghast. Silence falls]
Chris: Moving swiftly on... The band only ever made one album, plus those amazing singles now collected on the Recorded Sound boxed set via the well-known Vanish crowd-funding site
Tony: We're already at 75% of our goal, and only a month into the campaign! People've been so generous. Actually we're meeting some of the fans who've signed up tomorrow, really looking forward to putting faces to... Er...
Rich: Credit card details?
Tony: Names! It's such an exciting time, real opportunities if you're, y'know, prepared to grasp the nettle by the... er... thorns... [Momentarily baffled] Anyway, the package'll be full of extra material, things nobody's ever heard, even me!
Rich: Especially you
Chris: What's it been like listening to stuff you recorded all those years ago? What can we expect?
Tony: Wait and see!
Rich: It's like being set up on a date with an ex-wife: incredibly familiar and utterly strange. You remember why you were so in love but also why you split up. Then, of course, the kids have flown the coop...
Tony: Sounds fantastic to me. I've recorded some top tunes over the years but nothing ever came close to this bloke's stuff... I just opened my gob...
Chris: Speaking of kids... Rich, your daughter Amanda's running the campaign and your old manager Harry's on board too. You've got the old gang back together, haven't you?
Tony: We're a family and Amanda's the brains, takes after her Mum, God rest her soul. As for Harry, he was always the fifth member, couldn't do it without any of 'em
Chris: How come he never managed you as a solo artist? D'you fall out?
Tony: Nah! Top bloke, Harry. Just wasn't meant to be
Rich: I certainly wouldn't've done this without him
Tony: [Under his breath] That's what I thought
Chris: Right, tape's rolling
Tony: Really? You still use tape?
Chris: Nah, just a figure of speech. "Hard disk's whirring" doesn't have the same ring to it. Right, shall we talk about the band?
Rich: If we must
Tony: Don't take any notice of this miserable git, we're thrilled to be back. It's unfinished business, we've still got tons to prove, and even more to say
Rich: [Raises eyebrow quizzically] There's plenty we could say...
Chris: Great. We'll come back to that in a minute but, just to kick things off, memories of the early days?
Tony: If you can remember it you weren't there, ha, ha! Nah, seriously, heady days, heady days... We were like brothers
Rich: Actually that's true. We lived in each other's pockets, plotting a shared future. The first single was done in one overnight session and though me and him [nods at Tony] were on the Dole and could crawl off to bed at the end of it, the others went straight from the studio to work in the morning. They believed in it as much as we did and had more scope to prove it
Tony: All for one!
Rich: [With heavy irony] Mmm. Sometimes fell down a bit on the one-for-all bit
Chris: What happened? You were just starting to get somewhere when Pete left, right?
Tony: Didn't wanna risk giving up his day job
Rich: It was more complicated than that and you know it. [Looks at Tony] He had a job to risk for a start, plus he was married with a kid on the way. He was beginning to grow up whereas we... [Shrugs] Al was older than us, he'd been in bands for years, so he knew the score and stuck it out. [Pause] It was never the same after Pete went but I s'pose me and him, [nods at Tony] well, we'd got tunnel vision, we thought we were God's gift
Chris: You mean...?
Tony: Now, now, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. [Guffaws]
Rich: We thought we were unbeatable, him singing my songs, we thought the whole world would get it, and we thought we had something to say, or I did, anyway. Never been sure about anyone else. You know what it's like, at twenty you want to change the world but by forty you're alarmed to find it has changed and you'd rather like it put back the way you found it
Tony: [Butting in hastily] Some of those songs mean an awful lot. I've had people come up to me saying our records got 'em through really dark times in their lives. [Solemnly] That's a privilege, y'know. So yeah, we really thought everyone'd get it
Chris: Well now, of course, people are getting it and reunion rumours have been doing the rounds for a while, only there'd always been talk of insurmountable acrimony between you two
Tony: Crap! I love this bloke. Always have, always will
Rich: Acrimony? Nah, not really. We... We were holding each other back, as though we only had one life between us, so each of us was only half-alive except when we were working. You can carry on like that for a bit, when you're young, especially in an industry where stunted growth's a definite asset, only...
Tony: [Cutting in again] Steady on! Getting a bit deep, aren't we?
Chris: You met up again at Alan's funeral, right?
Rich: That hit us hard. We always thought Al was indestructible, that he'd outlive us all. I mean... [Looks at his shoes] We were hardly the wildest of bands but we still seem to've left a trail of widows and orphans in our wake. I don't s'pose it can be helped, but it's still too high a price
Tony: [Cutting in again] Yeah, poor old Al. Great bloke... Terrible dress sense, mind... [Rich gives him a baleful look] No, seriously, lovely bloke, we all miss him like mad and he's with us in spirit, him and... [Looks at Rich then continues hurriedly] Anyway, our old mate Steve's stepped into the breach. And Al, if you can hear me... Get your hair cut by the time we make it up there, eh?
Rich: "Up there"? Optimistic, aren't you?
Tony: You know me, mate, always look on the bright side
Chris: Right. This is obviously a painful subject so we'll move on. After the band split, Tony went solo and did pretty well for a while
Tony: Can't complain, I've had a good run and I'm so grateful to everyone who's kept the faith; I'm told my stuff's really popular on these new streaming, er, you know...
Rich: Platforms?
Tony: Yeah, that's it, streaming platforms! So the future's looking good
Rich: You might want to check your royalty statements. I got 23p in streaming income for the whole of last year
Tony: Bloody hell, you've been had, mate!
Rich: You don't read your statements, do you? I'm getting songwriting and performing royalties. You'll've had about a penny for that same stuff
[Tony looks aghast. Silence falls]
Chris: Moving swiftly on... The band only ever made one album, plus those amazing singles now collected on the Recorded Sound boxed set via the well-known Vanish crowd-funding site
Tony: We're already at 75% of our goal, and only a month into the campaign! People've been so generous. Actually we're meeting some of the fans who've signed up tomorrow, really looking forward to putting faces to... Er...
Rich: Credit card details?
Tony: Names! It's such an exciting time, real opportunities if you're, y'know, prepared to grasp the nettle by the... er... thorns... [Momentarily baffled] Anyway, the package'll be full of extra material, things nobody's ever heard, even me!
Rich: Especially you
Chris: What's it been like listening to stuff you recorded all those years ago? What can we expect?
Tony: Wait and see!
Rich: It's like being set up on a date with an ex-wife: incredibly familiar and utterly strange. You remember why you were so in love but also why you split up. Then, of course, the kids have flown the coop...
Tony: Sounds fantastic to me. I've recorded some top tunes over the years but nothing ever came close to this bloke's stuff... I just opened my gob...
Chris: Speaking of kids... Rich, your daughter Amanda's running the campaign and your old manager Harry's on board too. You've got the old gang back together, haven't you?
Tony: We're a family and Amanda's the brains, takes after her Mum, God rest her soul. As for Harry, he was always the fifth member, couldn't do it without any of 'em
Chris: How come he never managed you as a solo artist? D'you fall out?
Tony: Nah! Top bloke, Harry. Just wasn't meant to be
Rich: I certainly wouldn't've done this without him
Tony: [Under his breath] That's what I thought