Nine Questions About Britain You Were Too Embarrassed to Ask. by Teju Cole Lyrics
Nine questions about Britain you were too embarrassed to ask. (Before we begin surgical strikes on Oxford, Bath, and Hull.)— Teju Cole (@tejucole) [September 3, 2013]Q. What is Britain?
A. Britain is a country in Europe. Its people are called the Britons. Elizabeth II is the Queen of the Britons.
Q. Why are the Britons selling nerve gas chemicals to Syria?
A. Money, innit.
Q. That's horrible. How did it all go so wrong in Britain?
A. It's an old country with a violent past. Old habits die hard.
Q. But don't Britain and the US love each other? The US sells chemical weapons too, no? What about the Geneva Convention?
A. Hush, puppy.
Q. This is all feeling really bleak and hopeless. Can we take a music break?
A. Sure. British music is great.
Q. Why hasn't the US fixed this yet?
A. It's complicated. To burn down Oxford would be sad. Do nothing, and Britain remains dangerous.
Q. So why would Obama bomb the UK if it won't solve the problem?
A. To wipe that smirk off Cameron's face. They won't cross us next time.
Q. What's the big deal over chemical weapons? Conventional weapons sales kill millions.
A. [redacted]
Q. So, what's the big take-away? What's going to happen? Are we going to bomb the Britons?
A. LOL. No. Because. Reasons.
A. Britain is a country in Europe. Its people are called the Britons. Elizabeth II is the Queen of the Britons.
Q. Why are the Britons selling nerve gas chemicals to Syria?
A. Money, innit.
Q. That's horrible. How did it all go so wrong in Britain?
A. It's an old country with a violent past. Old habits die hard.
Q. But don't Britain and the US love each other? The US sells chemical weapons too, no? What about the Geneva Convention?
A. Hush, puppy.
Q. This is all feeling really bleak and hopeless. Can we take a music break?
A. Sure. British music is great.
Q. Why hasn't the US fixed this yet?
A. It's complicated. To burn down Oxford would be sad. Do nothing, and Britain remains dangerous.
Q. So why would Obama bomb the UK if it won't solve the problem?
A. To wipe that smirk off Cameron's face. They won't cross us next time.
Q. What's the big deal over chemical weapons? Conventional weapons sales kill millions.
A. [redacted]
Q. So, what's the big take-away? What's going to happen? Are we going to bomb the Britons?
A. LOL. No. Because. Reasons.