Pizza joint by Strong Bad Lyrics
STRONG BAD: {singing} Let a lil' email into your heart, and it'll clog your arteries!
[Strong Bad brings up the email and begins reading]
subject: sbemails!!
Hey there Strong Bad,
As a typical college girl I was wondering if there is a
pizza joint somewhere in Strongbadia...you know, if me and
my girls wanted to come hang out sometime.
Hopeful in Pennsylvania,
Daphne
{Strong Bad gets more and more excited as he reads the last two lines}
STRONG BAD: BLARG! {typing} Yes! We have a pizza joint! {Cut to the computer room; Strong Bad flails his arms wildly} I gots me a pizza joint! {Strong Bad falls off his chair and then flops off the screen} Always been at the pizza joint! Come to the pizza joint with me!
{Screen-wipe to Strong Badia. Strong Bad is standing behind a cardboard box, on which The Cheat is busy writing "Strong Bad's Strong Badian PIZZ". They are surrounded by "Neighborhood Style" pizza boxes.}
STRONG BAD: Hurry up with that sign, The Cheat!
THE CHEAT: {annoyed The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: {walks to the front} No, no, no, that's already way too long. We need something short and catchy that Daphne and her girls can say real quick. {cut to close-up of Strong Bad} You know, like, "The Max", or "The Emporium". It's never gonna work if they have to be like:
{Cut to a Teen Girl Squad scene with the slower version of the TGS music. Cheerleader and So and So are wearing towels. What's Her Face is wearing her regular clothes. The Ugly One is dressed like a mummy in a sarcophagus. Daphne is there too, wearing a towel with "Daph" written on it.}
DAPHNE: Hey gals! Let's towel off and meet up at... {words appear on screen as they are said slowly} Strong Bad's Strong Badian pi-
CHEERLEADER: {interrupting} This is taking too long!
WHAT'S HER FACE: I'm already bored!
SO AND SO: I'm going home!
THE UGLY ONE: I belong in a museum!
{Cut back to Strong Bad and The Cheat}
STRONG BAD: College girls don't have that kind of time, man. We gotta strike while the girl is still hot!
THE CHEAT: {exasperated The Cheat noises; he scribbles out "Strong Bad's Strong Badian" and writes "The" below it. The sign now reads "The Pizz"}
STRONG BAD: Yeah! The Pizz! I love it!
{A silhouette of Homestar Runner's head enters the bottom-left corner. Cut to Homestar Runner}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm, yeah. Lemme get a slice of p-roni, with some t-sauce, and {squinting} m-rooms.
{Cut to a wide shot of Strong Badia}
STRONG BAD: Homestar, get outta here! We're not a real pizza place! This is just a front to meet some girls!
{Cut to Homestar Runner}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ohhhhh. Lemme get a calzone, then. With, uh, p-loaf and m-cheese.
{Cut back to Strong Badia. The phone rings}
STRONG BAD: What the- Hang on a sec. {picks up a phone} Uhh... The Pizz? Thanks for calling?
THE KING OF TOWN: Yeah, lemme get about 50 {Homestar leaves to the left} Thanksgiving Lover's pizzas delivered to the only castle around here!
{Cut to Strong Bad}
STRONG BAD: King of Town? How did you even know about this place?
{The screen splits to show the King of Town on the other end}
THE KING OF TOWN: Well, if you must know, I spend most of my day calling random numbers in hopes of finding a new restaurant!
STRONG BAD: Well, we're not a real place. {footsteps offscreen} We're just a—
{Cut back to Strong Badia. Homestar is standing next to Strong Bad, wearing a The Pizz shirt and hat. The Cheat, also wearing a hat, leaves to the right}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {camera zooms in at Strong Bad and Homestar a crooked angle after each sentence} Table 44 needs more breadsticks! The soccer team left without paying! And the delivery guy caught a flat!
STRONG BAD: What are you talking about? Weren't you just a customer?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, but The Cheat hired me for the lunch rush. I mean, hey! Somebody's gotta make that muh-ney! {runs off}
STRONG BAD: This is all wrong! {cuts back to Strong Badia} The Cheat, in our effort to make a pretend pizza place in order to score some chicks, we somehow created a successful and well-reviewed actual pizza place!
{Cut through static to Strong Sad standing in front of a sign that reads "Review Revue". Music plays}
STRONG SAD: Rustic and filled with old-world cardboard charm, {the Pizz's logo rolls in from the bottom-right} the Pizz serves up Strong Badian-style pizza at a {points upwards} price that won't leave a dent in your wallet!
{A green check mark and the text "pick!" appears with a ding. Cut back through static to Strong Bad and The Cheat in Strong Badia}
STRONG BAD: Maybe we're going about this the wrong way, The Cheat. Girls don't wanna meet people in person anymore! They wanna meet 'em online!
{Cut to a view of the Lappy 486 with a nondescript web browser open; the text "http://www.virtualpizz.biz" is typed into the location bar}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Welcome to virtualpizz.biz!
{The screen turns green. The "Virtualpizz.biz" logo and a button that says "login" appears, a cursor moves over the "login" button and clicks it. The screen changes to show a picture of a piece of pizza with eyes, arms and legs; to the left is a field containing the text "purseaddikt89", below which are buttons for "EYES", "HAIR", "MOUTH", "NOSE", "TOPPING" and "CRUST".}
STRONG BAD: Where typical college girls can customize their own slice of pizza for some serious social networking.
{The cursor moves around and clicks the "eye" button twice, the "hair" button twice, the "nose" button three times and the "topping" button twice; the features in question change with each click. The screen then zooms in to show two slices of pizza in Strong Badia with Strong Bad. The lower left corner reads, "Pizz Points $500".}
STRONG BAD: With me!
COMPUTERIZED STRONG BAD: {in a monotonous version of Strong Bad's voice, lines appear in orange bubbles above him} Sup, Ladies. Welcome to the Pizz!
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE LEFT: {in a monotonous version of Homestar Runner's voice, lines appear in red bubbles above him} Hey man, can I get a slice of p-roni?
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE RIGHT: {in a monotonous version of the King of Town's voice, lines appear in purple bubbles above him} I'd like to place a pick-up order.
COMPUTERIZED STRONG BAD: You're not Daphne, you're... pizza trolls! Flame war!!
{Both slices of pizza catch fire and start running away}
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE RIGHT: It burns!
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE LEFT: Ahhhhhhhh!
COMPUTERIZED STRONG BAD: Well, I guess I should spend all these Pizz points.
{The number of Pizz points decreases and objects appear in Strong Badia: The arcade game and couch from the Basement and Homestar's dresser and cow lamp. The right fence is then painted like the Basement, the left pink with blue dots. As he does so, his $500 in Pizz Points drops with each item, eventually ending at "$-51". Cut through static to Strong Sad.}
STRONG SAD: With a clunky UI and a played-out avatar system, Virtualpizz.biz {the Virtualpizz.biz logo enters from the bottom-right; Strong Sad points upwards} misses the mark!
{A red X with text "Miss!" appears over the logo with a buzzer sound.}
STRONG SAD: That, and every time I tried to add Strong Bad to my Pizz list, he'd call me Thelonious Dump!
{Cut back through static to Strong Bad at the Lappy 486}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, I'm all outta ideas. I dunno how to get Daphne and her girls to come to my pizza joint.
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
{Zoom out to a view of The Cheat standing to the right of Strong Bad}
STRONG BAD: What do you mean, they're at your pizza joint? What pizza joint? The Pizz has competition?
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises; makes a beckoning motion with his arm}
{Cut to the King of Town's barbecue, which has "CHEATSA PIZZA" written on a strip of masking tape on it}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} That's your pizza joint.
{Cut to show Strong Bad and The Cheat next to the barbecue}
STRONG BAD: Grill with some tape on it.
THE CHEAT: {smiles, affirming The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Lemme see this.
{Strong Bad opens the grill; balloons and confetti come out and high pitched, excited voices are heard. Strong Bad looks surprised. Cut to a silhouette of the same scene as the balloons drift off-screen. Cut back to Strong Bad and The Cheat.}
STRONG BAD: {covers barbecue again, cutting out the sound effects} The Cheat, this is amazing! Count me in! {sotto voce} Do you guys take Pizz points?
THE CHEAT: {affirming The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Count me in!
{Strong Bad opens the barbecue and jumps in; The Cheat follows him. The grill shuts behind him. The grill opens again and The Cheat partially emerges, looking dazed and covered in lipstick.}
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
{The Cheat goes back into the barbecue and it shuts. The King of Town enters from the left carrying a lighter, a can of gasoline, a container of lighter fluid that reads "Lite em up Dan" and a bag of charcoal that reads "King of Town Charcoal!"}
THE KING OF TOWN: Doo doo doot doot doo...
{Cut back to the Lappy 486. The New Paper comes down.}
[Strong Bad brings up the email and begins reading]
subject: sbemails!!
Hey there Strong Bad,
As a typical college girl I was wondering if there is a
pizza joint somewhere in Strongbadia...you know, if me and
my girls wanted to come hang out sometime.
Hopeful in Pennsylvania,
Daphne
{Strong Bad gets more and more excited as he reads the last two lines}
STRONG BAD: BLARG! {typing} Yes! We have a pizza joint! {Cut to the computer room; Strong Bad flails his arms wildly} I gots me a pizza joint! {Strong Bad falls off his chair and then flops off the screen} Always been at the pizza joint! Come to the pizza joint with me!
{Screen-wipe to Strong Badia. Strong Bad is standing behind a cardboard box, on which The Cheat is busy writing "Strong Bad's Strong Badian PIZZ". They are surrounded by "Neighborhood Style" pizza boxes.}
STRONG BAD: Hurry up with that sign, The Cheat!
THE CHEAT: {annoyed The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: {walks to the front} No, no, no, that's already way too long. We need something short and catchy that Daphne and her girls can say real quick. {cut to close-up of Strong Bad} You know, like, "The Max", or "The Emporium". It's never gonna work if they have to be like:
{Cut to a Teen Girl Squad scene with the slower version of the TGS music. Cheerleader and So and So are wearing towels. What's Her Face is wearing her regular clothes. The Ugly One is dressed like a mummy in a sarcophagus. Daphne is there too, wearing a towel with "Daph" written on it.}
DAPHNE: Hey gals! Let's towel off and meet up at... {words appear on screen as they are said slowly} Strong Bad's Strong Badian pi-
CHEERLEADER: {interrupting} This is taking too long!
WHAT'S HER FACE: I'm already bored!
SO AND SO: I'm going home!
THE UGLY ONE: I belong in a museum!
{Cut back to Strong Bad and The Cheat}
STRONG BAD: College girls don't have that kind of time, man. We gotta strike while the girl is still hot!
THE CHEAT: {exasperated The Cheat noises; he scribbles out "Strong Bad's Strong Badian" and writes "The" below it. The sign now reads "The Pizz"}
STRONG BAD: Yeah! The Pizz! I love it!
{A silhouette of Homestar Runner's head enters the bottom-left corner. Cut to Homestar Runner}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm, yeah. Lemme get a slice of p-roni, with some t-sauce, and {squinting} m-rooms.
{Cut to a wide shot of Strong Badia}
STRONG BAD: Homestar, get outta here! We're not a real pizza place! This is just a front to meet some girls!
{Cut to Homestar Runner}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ohhhhh. Lemme get a calzone, then. With, uh, p-loaf and m-cheese.
{Cut back to Strong Badia. The phone rings}
STRONG BAD: What the- Hang on a sec. {picks up a phone} Uhh... The Pizz? Thanks for calling?
THE KING OF TOWN: Yeah, lemme get about 50 {Homestar leaves to the left} Thanksgiving Lover's pizzas delivered to the only castle around here!
{Cut to Strong Bad}
STRONG BAD: King of Town? How did you even know about this place?
{The screen splits to show the King of Town on the other end}
THE KING OF TOWN: Well, if you must know, I spend most of my day calling random numbers in hopes of finding a new restaurant!
STRONG BAD: Well, we're not a real place. {footsteps offscreen} We're just a—
{Cut back to Strong Badia. Homestar is standing next to Strong Bad, wearing a The Pizz shirt and hat. The Cheat, also wearing a hat, leaves to the right}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {camera zooms in at Strong Bad and Homestar a crooked angle after each sentence} Table 44 needs more breadsticks! The soccer team left without paying! And the delivery guy caught a flat!
STRONG BAD: What are you talking about? Weren't you just a customer?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, but The Cheat hired me for the lunch rush. I mean, hey! Somebody's gotta make that muh-ney! {runs off}
STRONG BAD: This is all wrong! {cuts back to Strong Badia} The Cheat, in our effort to make a pretend pizza place in order to score some chicks, we somehow created a successful and well-reviewed actual pizza place!
{Cut through static to Strong Sad standing in front of a sign that reads "Review Revue". Music plays}
STRONG SAD: Rustic and filled with old-world cardboard charm, {the Pizz's logo rolls in from the bottom-right} the Pizz serves up Strong Badian-style pizza at a {points upwards} price that won't leave a dent in your wallet!
{A green check mark and the text "pick!" appears with a ding. Cut back through static to Strong Bad and The Cheat in Strong Badia}
STRONG BAD: Maybe we're going about this the wrong way, The Cheat. Girls don't wanna meet people in person anymore! They wanna meet 'em online!
{Cut to a view of the Lappy 486 with a nondescript web browser open; the text "http://www.virtualpizz.biz" is typed into the location bar}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Welcome to virtualpizz.biz!
{The screen turns green. The "Virtualpizz.biz" logo and a button that says "login" appears, a cursor moves over the "login" button and clicks it. The screen changes to show a picture of a piece of pizza with eyes, arms and legs; to the left is a field containing the text "purseaddikt89", below which are buttons for "EYES", "HAIR", "MOUTH", "NOSE", "TOPPING" and "CRUST".}
STRONG BAD: Where typical college girls can customize their own slice of pizza for some serious social networking.
{The cursor moves around and clicks the "eye" button twice, the "hair" button twice, the "nose" button three times and the "topping" button twice; the features in question change with each click. The screen then zooms in to show two slices of pizza in Strong Badia with Strong Bad. The lower left corner reads, "Pizz Points $500".}
STRONG BAD: With me!
COMPUTERIZED STRONG BAD: {in a monotonous version of Strong Bad's voice, lines appear in orange bubbles above him} Sup, Ladies. Welcome to the Pizz!
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE LEFT: {in a monotonous version of Homestar Runner's voice, lines appear in red bubbles above him} Hey man, can I get a slice of p-roni?
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE RIGHT: {in a monotonous version of the King of Town's voice, lines appear in purple bubbles above him} I'd like to place a pick-up order.
COMPUTERIZED STRONG BAD: You're not Daphne, you're... pizza trolls! Flame war!!
{Both slices of pizza catch fire and start running away}
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE RIGHT: It burns!
SLICE OF PIZZA ON THE LEFT: Ahhhhhhhh!
COMPUTERIZED STRONG BAD: Well, I guess I should spend all these Pizz points.
{The number of Pizz points decreases and objects appear in Strong Badia: The arcade game and couch from the Basement and Homestar's dresser and cow lamp. The right fence is then painted like the Basement, the left pink with blue dots. As he does so, his $500 in Pizz Points drops with each item, eventually ending at "$-51". Cut through static to Strong Sad.}
STRONG SAD: With a clunky UI and a played-out avatar system, Virtualpizz.biz {the Virtualpizz.biz logo enters from the bottom-right; Strong Sad points upwards} misses the mark!
{A red X with text "Miss!" appears over the logo with a buzzer sound.}
STRONG SAD: That, and every time I tried to add Strong Bad to my Pizz list, he'd call me Thelonious Dump!
{Cut back through static to Strong Bad at the Lappy 486}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, I'm all outta ideas. I dunno how to get Daphne and her girls to come to my pizza joint.
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
{Zoom out to a view of The Cheat standing to the right of Strong Bad}
STRONG BAD: What do you mean, they're at your pizza joint? What pizza joint? The Pizz has competition?
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises; makes a beckoning motion with his arm}
{Cut to the King of Town's barbecue, which has "CHEATSA PIZZA" written on a strip of masking tape on it}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} That's your pizza joint.
{Cut to show Strong Bad and The Cheat next to the barbecue}
STRONG BAD: Grill with some tape on it.
THE CHEAT: {smiles, affirming The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Lemme see this.
{Strong Bad opens the grill; balloons and confetti come out and high pitched, excited voices are heard. Strong Bad looks surprised. Cut to a silhouette of the same scene as the balloons drift off-screen. Cut back to Strong Bad and The Cheat.}
STRONG BAD: {covers barbecue again, cutting out the sound effects} The Cheat, this is amazing! Count me in! {sotto voce} Do you guys take Pizz points?
THE CHEAT: {affirming The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Count me in!
{Strong Bad opens the barbecue and jumps in; The Cheat follows him. The grill shuts behind him. The grill opens again and The Cheat partially emerges, looking dazed and covered in lipstick.}
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
{The Cheat goes back into the barbecue and it shuts. The King of Town enters from the left carrying a lighter, a can of gasoline, a container of lighter fluid that reads "Lite em up Dan" and a bag of charcoal that reads "King of Town Charcoal!"}
THE KING OF TOWN: Doo doo doot doot doo...
{Cut back to the Lappy 486. The New Paper comes down.}