The Song That No One Likes by Sarah Smallwood Parsons Lyrics
(Sung)
This is the song in every show, that no one likes because it's boring
A song like , Sentimental Man, or Mr. Cellophane
Or... look, that woman’s almost snoring
I'm usually an older man
Who wears suspenders and is lonely
My range is limited and so
These next three minutes will pass... slowly
So if you had the tiniest suspicion
That you should have peed, when it was intermission
Now is the time, you won't miss much
Oh, wait, here comes my
Sort of, high note!
This is the song, that no one likes
(Spoken)
Leading lady, wait!
Listen leading lady, I may just be a fathеr, or, uh, a husband, a mayor or something, I don’t know
But the important thing is that I...
Am not important
Okay, I'm just and old Broadway legеnd, who wanted a role where, I got to sing, but I also got to sit down a lot
That's why five people clapped so loud when I walked out
(Sung)
This is the song where you can cough!
So everybody, get your coughs out!
Or, you can whisper
"What's the time?"
"Where are we eating after this?"
"Maybe we should just do take-out!"
Is this song even on the soundtrack?
Not sure, you skip it every time
I'm sure they'd cut it
But the leads ae backstage, changing, and they
Need a lot of time
(Spoken)
I'm also a veteran
(Sung)
And sure, we all get claps at curtain call
But once you leave, you won't remember me at all
And at the stage door, I’ll arrive
And you may ask me for a photo
But you’ll mean that you want me to hold the phone
(Spoken)
Leading lady, wait!
I want to give this to you
It's that pocket watch I mentioned so briefly in the first scene
It’s not a metaphor, or an allegory or anything
I just really don't want to carry it around anymore
Oh, by the way
Do you want to see my tap dance?
(Short Tap Routine)
(Spoken)
That's literally the whole thing
(Sung)
They say you can enjoy the highs of life
Without the lows...
But Jesus
This.. Song.. Blows!
This is the song in every show, that no one likes because it's boring
A song like , Sentimental Man, or Mr. Cellophane
Or... look, that woman’s almost snoring
I'm usually an older man
Who wears suspenders and is lonely
My range is limited and so
These next three minutes will pass... slowly
So if you had the tiniest suspicion
That you should have peed, when it was intermission
Now is the time, you won't miss much
Oh, wait, here comes my
Sort of, high note!
This is the song, that no one likes
(Spoken)
Leading lady, wait!
Listen leading lady, I may just be a fathеr, or, uh, a husband, a mayor or something, I don’t know
But the important thing is that I...
Am not important
Okay, I'm just and old Broadway legеnd, who wanted a role where, I got to sing, but I also got to sit down a lot
That's why five people clapped so loud when I walked out
(Sung)
This is the song where you can cough!
So everybody, get your coughs out!
Or, you can whisper
"What's the time?"
"Where are we eating after this?"
"Maybe we should just do take-out!"
Is this song even on the soundtrack?
Not sure, you skip it every time
I'm sure they'd cut it
But the leads ae backstage, changing, and they
Need a lot of time
(Spoken)
I'm also a veteran
(Sung)
And sure, we all get claps at curtain call
But once you leave, you won't remember me at all
And at the stage door, I’ll arrive
And you may ask me for a photo
But you’ll mean that you want me to hold the phone
(Spoken)
Leading lady, wait!
I want to give this to you
It's that pocket watch I mentioned so briefly in the first scene
It’s not a metaphor, or an allegory or anything
I just really don't want to carry it around anymore
Oh, by the way
Do you want to see my tap dance?
(Short Tap Routine)
(Spoken)
That's literally the whole thing
(Sung)
They say you can enjoy the highs of life
Without the lows...
But Jesus
This.. Song.. Blows!