Im Number One by Ricky Gervais Lyrics

[CONSTANTINE]
I'm number one
You're number two
We're criminals at large but I'm at larger than you
I'm number one
You're number two
I believe in equality
As long as you get less than me
I'm one

[DOMINIC, spoken]
You're one

[CONSTANTINE]
You're number two

[DOMINIC, spoken]
I'm number two

[CONSTANTINE]
You may think that you're smarter, but I'm smarterer than you
I'm number one
You're number two
You're lucky to be number two, not number three
I can see by the look in your eye
You want to get a bigger piece of the pie
One day you'll get your chance
But in the meantime, you've got to dance monkey dance!

[DOMINIC]
Really? I hate dancing

[CONSTANTINE]
Do it! Dance Monkey Dance! Haha!

[DOMINIC & (CONSTANTINE)]
I'm number two
He's number one
I can't believe I'm working for an amphibian
I'm number two
He's number one. (I'm number one!)
You know life gone to the dogs
When your boss is a frog

I can see it's just a matter of time
Before he's gone and I'm at the front of the line
It won't be long until I get my chance
But in the meantime, I've got to dance monkey dance

[CONSTANTINE]
Dance monkey dance! Now watch me
[CONSTANTINE & (Dominic)]
I'm number one. (He's number one.)
You're number two. (I'm number two!)
I'll bet you kid, there you go
Now step aside, this ain't your show
I'm one. (You're one.)
I'm number one! (Yes, we know!)

[CONSTANTINE]
I'm...,

[DOMINIC]
He's...

[CONSTANTINE & DOMINIC]
Number one!

[CONSTANTINE]
That's how it's done