The Twin Brothers by Redd Foxx Lyrics
This is the truth here, I'd like to try to explain this
It was twin brothers, and their names were Joe and John
And they had another brother, but he wasn't a twin, he was just another brother
And he was a proud owner of a dilapidated boat
And it happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank
And a few days later, one of the old friendly neighbors was going down the street and she met Joe, and mistaking him for John, she said, "Oh, Mr. Jones, I'm sorry to hear about your great loss"
But this was the wrong brother, you see, this is the fella that had the boat
And she said, "You must feel terrible"
He said, "Well, I'm not a bit sorry 'cause she was a rotten old thing from the beginning
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like dead fish, and even the first time I got into her, she made water faster than anything I ever had seen
She had a bad crack in the back, and a pretty big hole in the front"
He said, "That hole got bigger every time I used her, and leaked like everything"
"But I'ma tell ya," he said, "I'ma tell you, lady"—this is what really finished her
He said, "Four guys from the other side of town were looking for a good time, and they asked me if I'd rent her to them
And I warned that she wasn't too hot, but they said it was alright, they'd take a crack at her anyhow
And the results was, the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once and it was just too much for her, she cracked right in the middle"
And the old lady heard this and fainted right on the spot
Nah, I'm only—I'm only serious
Oh yes, I was talking to my lawyers, Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe
And they were telling me—no, they were telling me, you know, I was taking care of some business because all you folks—most of you know my mother-in-law, don't you? My brother's got a mother-in-law, ooooohh wee, evil in the morning
I stopped by her house when I was in Jersey, and I can see her now, sitting in front of the fireplace, knitting a barbed wire fence
Ah, she's so big and fat, if she get a stomachache, she'd hurt all over
Oh, did you see the paper today where the husband got a divorce from his wife here in California
Got a divorce because, see, his wife had only spoken to him four times, and he just demanded a divorce
And the wife got the custody of the kids—four of 'em
It was twin brothers, and their names were Joe and John
And they had another brother, but he wasn't a twin, he was just another brother
And he was a proud owner of a dilapidated boat
And it happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank
And a few days later, one of the old friendly neighbors was going down the street and she met Joe, and mistaking him for John, she said, "Oh, Mr. Jones, I'm sorry to hear about your great loss"
But this was the wrong brother, you see, this is the fella that had the boat
And she said, "You must feel terrible"
He said, "Well, I'm not a bit sorry 'cause she was a rotten old thing from the beginning
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like dead fish, and even the first time I got into her, she made water faster than anything I ever had seen
She had a bad crack in the back, and a pretty big hole in the front"
He said, "That hole got bigger every time I used her, and leaked like everything"
"But I'ma tell ya," he said, "I'ma tell you, lady"—this is what really finished her
He said, "Four guys from the other side of town were looking for a good time, and they asked me if I'd rent her to them
And I warned that she wasn't too hot, but they said it was alright, they'd take a crack at her anyhow
And the results was, the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once and it was just too much for her, she cracked right in the middle"
And the old lady heard this and fainted right on the spot
Nah, I'm only—I'm only serious
Oh yes, I was talking to my lawyers, Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe
And they were telling me—no, they were telling me, you know, I was taking care of some business because all you folks—most of you know my mother-in-law, don't you? My brother's got a mother-in-law, ooooohh wee, evil in the morning
I stopped by her house when I was in Jersey, and I can see her now, sitting in front of the fireplace, knitting a barbed wire fence
Ah, she's so big and fat, if she get a stomachache, she'd hurt all over
Oh, did you see the paper today where the husband got a divorce from his wife here in California
Got a divorce because, see, his wife had only spoken to him four times, and he just demanded a divorce
And the wife got the custody of the kids—four of 'em