The Package is in the Open by Red vs. Blue Lyrics
EXT. Blue Base
CHURCH, TUCKER, and CABOOSE are all standing on top of Blue Base.
CHURCH: Let me get this straight.. You gave this guy our flag?
CABOOSE: Is that bad?
CHURCH: Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?
TUCKER: There, there he is.
CHURCH: (looking through the sniper rifle) Where? Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs.
TUCKER: He must be one smart son of a bitch.
Cut to DONUT looking around the canyon.
DONUT: Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?
Cut to CHURCH, TUCKER, and CABOOSE.
CHURCH: Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red.
TUCKER: Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant.
CHURCH: Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses.
CABOOSE: Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing.
TUCKER: Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.
CHURCH: Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge.
Cut to DONUT as CHURCH shoots four times but misses.
DONUT: (crouching) Son of a bitch!
Cut to CHURCH and TUCKER.
CHURCH: Aw crap.
TUCKER: ...
CHURCH: (turns to TUCKER) ...What?
TUCKER: You're REALLY not very good with that thing, are you?
Cut to DONUT.
DONUT: (shouting at Blue Base while waving the flag) Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?
Cut to TUCKER.
TUCKER: Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing.
CHURCH: Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.
CABOOSE: Right!
CHURCH: Tucker, you ready? Let's go.
TUCKER: There is no way I'm going through that thing.
CHURCH: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?
TUCKER: I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?
CHURCH: We already tested the teleporter, remember?
TUCKER: We threw rocks through it!
CHURCH: Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?
TUCKER: Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff.
CHURCH: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff.
TUCKER: Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.
CHURCH: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun at TUCKER)
TUCKER: You wouldn't...
CHURCH: You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and I get to kill you. Either way, I win.
TUCKER: For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.
CHURCH: Duly noted. Now get in there.
TUCKER: Crap... Alright. One, two...
TUCKER runs through and doesn't appear on the other side.
CABOOSE: ...Huh, he didn't come out the other side...
CHURCH: Yeeaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.
CHURCH runs off the base to chase DONUT.
CHURCH: Okay, rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!
EXT. Red Base
SIMMONS and GRIF are standing atop Red Base.
SIMMONS: I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.
GRIF: (sighs) I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam.
SIMMONS: Wait a second, that's only three bams.
GRIF: Bam. (sees CHURCH through a sniper rifle) Wait a second, we've got a Blue guy on the move out there.
SIMMONS: Where's he headed?
GRIF: (looks to the left) Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in) It looks like... (sees that it's the Blue's flag)...Simmons, get the Warthog.
SIMMONS: Heh, you mean the Puma?
GRIF: Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.The End
CHURCH, TUCKER, and CABOOSE are all standing on top of Blue Base.
CHURCH: Let me get this straight.. You gave this guy our flag?
CABOOSE: Is that bad?
CHURCH: Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?
TUCKER: There, there he is.
CHURCH: (looking through the sniper rifle) Where? Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs.
TUCKER: He must be one smart son of a bitch.
Cut to DONUT looking around the canyon.
DONUT: Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?
Cut to CHURCH, TUCKER, and CABOOSE.
CHURCH: Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red.
TUCKER: Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant.
CHURCH: Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses.
CABOOSE: Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing.
TUCKER: Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.
CHURCH: Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge.
Cut to DONUT as CHURCH shoots four times but misses.
DONUT: (crouching) Son of a bitch!
Cut to CHURCH and TUCKER.
CHURCH: Aw crap.
TUCKER: ...
CHURCH: (turns to TUCKER) ...What?
TUCKER: You're REALLY not very good with that thing, are you?
Cut to DONUT.
DONUT: (shouting at Blue Base while waving the flag) Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?
Cut to TUCKER.
TUCKER: Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing.
CHURCH: Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.
CABOOSE: Right!
CHURCH: Tucker, you ready? Let's go.
TUCKER: There is no way I'm going through that thing.
CHURCH: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?
TUCKER: I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?
CHURCH: We already tested the teleporter, remember?
TUCKER: We threw rocks through it!
CHURCH: Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?
TUCKER: Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff.
CHURCH: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff.
TUCKER: Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.
CHURCH: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun at TUCKER)
TUCKER: You wouldn't...
CHURCH: You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and I get to kill you. Either way, I win.
TUCKER: For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.
CHURCH: Duly noted. Now get in there.
TUCKER: Crap... Alright. One, two...
TUCKER runs through and doesn't appear on the other side.
CABOOSE: ...Huh, he didn't come out the other side...
CHURCH: Yeeaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.
CHURCH runs off the base to chase DONUT.
CHURCH: Okay, rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!
EXT. Red Base
SIMMONS and GRIF are standing atop Red Base.
SIMMONS: I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.
GRIF: (sighs) I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam.
SIMMONS: Wait a second, that's only three bams.
GRIF: Bam. (sees CHURCH through a sniper rifle) Wait a second, we've got a Blue guy on the move out there.
SIMMONS: Where's he headed?
GRIF: (looks to the left) Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in) It looks like... (sees that it's the Blue's flag)...Simmons, get the Warthog.
SIMMONS: Heh, you mean the Puma?
GRIF: Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.The End