We Tapped That Ass by Rachel Bloom Lyrics
[JOSH]
I banged you here
And on this couch
In the doorway
On every stair
[GREG]
I nailed you there
And on this chair
The hallway[BOTH]
We tapped that ass all over this house
[JOSH]
Though never simultaneously[GREG]
Sometimes him, sometimes me
But one of us was hittin' it, usually[BOTH]
We tapped that ass all over this house
You'll never escape us
'Cause we live in your head
Just two swell dudes that you screwed
[JOSH]
And here
And here[GREG]
Here
And there[BOTH]
And even occasionally in your bed
[JOSH, spoken]
That bed is really uncomfortable.
[GREG, spoken]
Right? It's like a prison cot. [JOSH]
On the stove
And sort of in the fridge
One time I think
That's where we hit your back pati—
Oh!
[GREG]
Over the sink
And then we hit the back patio
Oh![BOTH]
We tapped that ass all over this house
How many times did we tap that behind?
[GREG]
Well, let's estimate
[JOSH]
On an average day, I would have to say
Mmm... a-5, 6, 7, 8!
[GREG, spoken]
What? Too cheeky?
[JOSH, spoken]
Hey, does this ring a bell?
(sung)
"A little to the left..."
[GREG]
"Oh, oh, okay now, a little to the right..."
[JOSH]
"Oh, oh, wait, wait, back to the left..."
[GREG]
"Right there! Right there!"
[JOSH]
"Wait, no, you're doing it wrong! I'll do it myself!"
[GREG, spoken]
Barkeep, what's on tap?
[REBECCA, spoken]
It's me. And my ass.
[GREG, spoken]
Ooh, sounds refreshing![JOSH]
On the table you were willing and able
And on the safe in the closet
I made a deposit
[GREG]
On the ottoman
You took a lotta man[XANDER]
I also tapped that ass all over this house!
[JOSH, spoken]
Let's wrap this up with a big finish!
[GREG, spoken]
But where should we finish?
[REBECCA, spoken]
Please not on my chest... no, you'll scratch it!
[JOSH]
On the bathroom floor
You just wanted more[GREG]
On the accent wall
You didn't care where[BOTH]
How much more tappin' could one ass endure?
We tapped that ass (tapped that ass)
We tapped that ass (tapped that ass)
We tapped that ass all over this house!
I banged you here
And on this couch
In the doorway
On every stair
[GREG]
I nailed you there
And on this chair
The hallway[BOTH]
We tapped that ass all over this house
[JOSH]
Though never simultaneously[GREG]
Sometimes him, sometimes me
But one of us was hittin' it, usually[BOTH]
We tapped that ass all over this house
You'll never escape us
'Cause we live in your head
Just two swell dudes that you screwed
[JOSH]
And here
And here[GREG]
Here
And there[BOTH]
And even occasionally in your bed
[JOSH, spoken]
That bed is really uncomfortable.
[GREG, spoken]
Right? It's like a prison cot. [JOSH]
On the stove
And sort of in the fridge
One time I think
That's where we hit your back pati—
Oh!
[GREG]
Over the sink
And then we hit the back patio
Oh![BOTH]
We tapped that ass all over this house
How many times did we tap that behind?
[GREG]
Well, let's estimate
[JOSH]
On an average day, I would have to say
Mmm... a-5, 6, 7, 8!
[GREG, spoken]
What? Too cheeky?
[JOSH, spoken]
Hey, does this ring a bell?
(sung)
"A little to the left..."
[GREG]
"Oh, oh, okay now, a little to the right..."
[JOSH]
"Oh, oh, wait, wait, back to the left..."
[GREG]
"Right there! Right there!"
[JOSH]
"Wait, no, you're doing it wrong! I'll do it myself!"
[GREG, spoken]
Barkeep, what's on tap?
[REBECCA, spoken]
It's me. And my ass.
[GREG, spoken]
Ooh, sounds refreshing![JOSH]
On the table you were willing and able
And on the safe in the closet
I made a deposit
[GREG]
On the ottoman
You took a lotta man[XANDER]
I also tapped that ass all over this house!
[JOSH, spoken]
Let's wrap this up with a big finish!
[GREG, spoken]
But where should we finish?
[REBECCA, spoken]
Please not on my chest... no, you'll scratch it!
[JOSH]
On the bathroom floor
You just wanted more[GREG]
On the accent wall
You didn't care where[BOTH]
How much more tappin' could one ass endure?
We tapped that ass (tapped that ass)
We tapped that ass (tapped that ass)
We tapped that ass all over this house!