My Sex Junk by Rachel Bloom Lyrics

This one goes out to all my bipeds who identify as ladies!

This world of ours is full of choice
But must I choose between
Only John or Joyce?

Are my options only hard or moist?
My vagina has its own voice
Not vocal cords, a metaphorical voice

(Spoken)
Sometimes, I do a voice for my vagina
Please, don't tell me
I'm the only one who does that

(Chorus)
Cause my sex junk
Is so, oh, oh, oh
Much more than
Either-or, or or
Power bottom or a top off
Versatile love may have
Some butt stuff

It's evolution, ain't nothing new
There's nothing taboo about a sex stew
Just add salt or Gérard Depardieu
French treasure

(Repeat chorus)
If they're alive, I'll date them
Channing or Jenna Tatum

I'm down for anything
Don't box in my box
Give someone new a handy
Then give yourself props

(Sung by a dorky interlocutor)
Oh you think you're so smart
Did you learn gay in college?

(Response from Rachel)
Chill with all of that
While I drop some knowledge
Sexuality's a spectrum
Everyone is on it
Even you might like it
If you sit up on it

Drag queen, drag king
Just do what feels right
You're a tall pansexual
Flirty wood sprite

Who enjoys a Fleshlight
In the cold moonlight?

(dorky interlocutor)
With a sad clown
Skyping via satellite?

(Rachel)
Damn skippy, home slice
Sing it with me all night

(Both)
Sex how you want
It's your goddamn right

(Repeat chorus)
Get off your soapbox
Get off your soapbox
My sex junk's better than
Bagels with lox

With lots of schmear