The Worst Joke Ever Live by R.E.M. Lyrics

You see there's this cat burglar who can't see in the dark
He lays his bets on eight more lives, walks into a bar
Slips on the eight ball, falls on his knife
Says, "I don't know what I've done but it doesn't feel right"
Some things don't hold up over the course of a lifetime, oh
When is the first time you heard that one, 1954?
Get to the punchline, fall to the floor
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup
For the worst joke ever, I never
I'll tell you my version of the greatest life story
Don't bore me
Now I am floating, I feel released
The moorings have been dropped
The weight's unleashed
Everything is crystalline, simple and free, oh
The crime of good men who can't wrestle with change
Or are too afraid to face this life's misjudged unknowns
You're not hurting anybody else's chances
But you're disfiguring your own
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup
For the worst joke ever, I never
I'll tell you my version of the greatest life story
Don't bore me, I never
Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup, oh
You see there's this feeling that I've heard this one before