Ashtons Journal by Project Evidence Lyrics
Hello, this is Ashton Bunston, I am reading through my old journals and am writing them down here including the codes that were added by somebody else.
Hello, my name is Ashton Bunston and if you are reading this that means that you have gotten ahold of my journal. So if you like teen angst then read it, i don't care. Stalker.
Monday:
At first break today I asked Emma if me and her are still together. Like always she just went off topic and was silly. To be honest I don't even know if me and her should even be together in the
first place. I think if she says yes we are then I'll keep going for her mental sake as she seems to be extremely sensitive to being told something as simple as "if you don't show me that you care
about me then we are over." As when I told her that she responded the next day by getting her friend to give me a sort of suicide note and going home early only to return when my mental state
was at it's worst about the situation. If she says no that's OK because as long as me and her are getting along than everything is good. I've written a note and hope things work out in the end.
I am planning on giving Emma the note in 3 minutes (it's 1:47). Now it's 1:48. 2 minutes left. I gave the note to Emma and am waiting for a reply. Also me and *REDACTED* have a truce and
are going to figure out a way to fix our problems. At least someone is getting happier. As for friendships, A theory that I have been keeping in my brain has been confirmed. *REDACTED*
has confirmed that she is a type B tsundere. Instead of saying she hates me when she actually loves me she says she hates me when she actually enjoys my company and trusts me like a friend. I truly
hope that I don't disappoint her. Her trust is one thing that I want more than showing *REDACTED* who's boss. Wait, no, I DON'T LIKE HER! NEVER!
Page codes: 9 23-15-21-12-4-14 20 20-18-21-19-20 8-5-18 (IWOULDN'TTRUSTHER),
22-5-18-25 13-1-20-21-18-5. (VERYMATURE.),
20-8-5-25-23-9-12-12 (THEYWILL),
14-15-23-9-20-19-1-12-12-19-20-1-18-20-9-14-7 (NOWIT'SALLSTARTING),
7-21-5-19-19-5-19 15-14 23-8-15 (GUESSESONWHO),
19-8-5-19 6-18-9-7-7-9-14-1-23-5-19-15-13-5 (SHE'SFRIGGINAWESOME).
Tuesday:
Today after school me and *REDACTED* hung out and went to Southside park, because it was a wet day the park was empty. *REDACTED* says he thinks *REDACTED*
likes me and to be honest he made a pretty good point. *REDACTED* constantly makes fun of her body and if I do that she gets mad although that might just be because she doesn't want
people body shaming her or something. He mentioned that she always tags my chest area when she's it in tag, as well as if she tags me and I tag her back she does the exact same little
flirtatious tagback thing me and Emma used to do. I said I think the first thing is done accidentally and the second is juat a two way thing between us. He said she makes fun of me because
she loves me. I said it's just our way of joking, personally I don't think she likes me but it could just be me hoping to not have to deal with anymore confusing girls. But I think I'll ask her
just to be sure.
Page codes: 2-21-20 8-5-18 2-15-4-25 9-19 19-15 3-21-20-5 (BUTHERBODYISSOCUTE),
19-8-5 20-15-21-3-8-5-19 13-1-8 14-9-16-16-12-5-19 (BUTSHETOUCHESMAHNIPPLES),
25-5-1-8 20-15 13-1-11-5 19-21-18-5 9 3-12-5-1-18-12-25 4-15-14-20 8-15-16-5 19-8-5-12-12 19-1-25 19-8-5 12-9-11-5-19 13-5 (YEAHTOMAKESUREICLEARLYDON'THOPESHESAYSSHELOVESME)
Wednesday:
Today I got to pack my own lunch. It's not the first time but I got to pack it completely as well as cook the lunch. I have to admit that I'm not happy with *REDACTED* or
*REDACTED*. *REDACTED* stole my phone and used it to talk to *REDACTED* what *redacted* asked was a good question, but it was still unnesssacary.
*redacted* was being a jerk though because he tells me that *REDACTED* I can tell that Emma wasn't being honest. I told her that if she doesn't show me that she cares we are over. *REDACTED*
Yesterday when me and *REDACTED* were walking to Southside Park I saw *REDACTED* who was one of my "friends" from *REDACTED* Her entire family hates me. we saw her at walmart one day and
the second we walked past they started to bad mouth me. So I just yelled as loud as possible about how great I've been doing since I (rest of page blocked out by piece of paper taped onto it.
There are multiple pieces of paper taped to my journal pages. All they have are numbers that I'm going to decode.
Page one: 20-5-1-18-19 12-5-1-4 13-5 15-14, 20-8-5-25 12-5-20 13-5 12-5-1-4 25-15-21 19-15 6-1-18, 23-5-1-11 15-18 19-20-18-15-14-7 9-12-12 8-15-12-4 25-15-21-18 1-18-13.
(Tears lead me on, they let me lead you so far, weak or strong I'll hold your arm.)
page two: 9-4 19-1-25 5-1-20 25-15-21-18 23-15-18-4-19 2-21-20 20-8-5-25 13-9-7-8-20 2-5 1 12-9-20-20-12-5 20-15-15 19-1-12-20-25 6-15-18 25-15-21-18 19-5-14-19-9-20-9-22-5 2-15-4-25
(IDSAYEATYOURWORDSBUTTHEYMIGHTBETOOSALTYFORYOURSENSITIVEBODY)
page three, four and five: 9-20 19 6-21-14-14-25 20-8-1-20 25-15-21 20-8-9-14-11 23-5 18-5 6-18-9-5-14-4-19 9-20 19 13-1-25-2-5 20-9-13-5 20-15 20-8-9-14-11 1-7-1-9-14
20-8-5 19-8-9-20 25-15-21 19-1-9-4 25-15-21 23-9-19-8-5-4 13-5 4-5-1-4 9-14-19-20-5-1-4 15-6 20-18-25-9-14-7 20-15 13-1-11-5 1-13-5-14-4-19
14-15-23 9-20 19 6-9-14-1-12-12-25 19-9-14-11-9-14-7 9-14 20-8-1-20 9 13 20-8-5 15-14-5 23-8-15 19 6-9-14-9-19-8-9-14-7
19-15 4-15-14 20 16-18-5-20-5-14-4 20-15 20-1-11-5 15-6-6-5-14-19-5 25-15-21 5-1-18-14-5-4 9-20 5-22-5-18-25 19-9-14-7-12-5 3-5-14-20
1-12-13-15-19-20 20-8-15-21-7-8-20 20-8-1-20 25-15-21 23-5-18-5 18-9-7-8-20 9 1-12-23-1-25-19 20-8-15-21-7-8-20 9 4 12-15-19-5 20-8-5 6-9-7-8-20
1-14-4 3-1-13-5 21-14-4-15-14-5 25-15-21 1-12-23-1-25-19 23-15-14 25-15-21 1-12-13-15-19-20 3-15-14-17-21-5-18-5-4 13-5 23-9-20-8 19-16-9-20-5
25-15-21 14-5-22-5-18 19-1-23 9-20 20-8-18-15-21-7-8 20-8-5 12-9-7-8-20 9-20 2-12-9-14-4-5-4 25-15-21 9-20 19-11-5-23-5-4 25-15-21-18 19-9-7-8-20
20-8-5 19-8-9-20 25-15-21 20-1-12-11-5-4 1-14-4 23-8-1-20 25-15-21 20-8-15-21-7-8-20 1-14-4 14-15-23 9-20 6-21-3-11-9-14-7 5-14-4-19 20-15-14-9-7-8-20
(It's funny that you think we're friends, it's maybe time to think again
The shit you said, you wished me dead instead of trying to make amends
Now it's finally sinking in that I'm the one who's finishing
So don't pretend to take offense, you earned it, every single cent
Almost thought that you were right, I always thought I'd lose the fight
And came undone, you always won, you almost conquered me with spite
You never saw it through the light, it blinded you, it skewed your sight
The shit you talked and what you thought and now it fucking ends tonight)
Remains of what pages had tape on them: Told me her dad hates me and I just looked at- and said "So what?"- "Matter to me." I- Last night that- and everyone from before was there. Even people
- forced to go on some field trip to some huge school in what looked like France. - Escaped without getting caught but realised we didn't know where to go so we snuck back and with the people- we
escaped again. -been triggered.
Thursday:
Last night I got grounded over nothing. Also a few things happened. After my last entry I helped *REDACTED* write his note but he kept telling me to type perverted things. Then the bell rang.
I told *REDACTED* that *REDACTED* was gonna need another day to work on the note. *REDACTED* went psycho on me. So I'm not helping him. Well I think I will just to mess with him.
I asked *REDACTED* if she likes me. She said no. Also I got an answer from Emma and like I thought I'm single. I don't think I'm gonna care about relationships. They just get in the way of the
more important things about life, living it.
Page codes: 14-15-20-8-9-14-7 (NOTHING?),
12-9-20-20-12-5 23-8-9-14-5-18 (LITTLE WHINER),
25-15-21 23-5-18-5-14-20 19-21-16-16-15-19-5-4 20-15 19-5-5 20-8-9-19 (YOUWEREN'TSUPPOSEDTOSEETHIS),
9-20-19 20-18-21-5 (IT'STRUE) (on drawing on page)
21-13 14-15 25-15-21-18 23-15-18-18-25-9-14-7 1-2-15-21-20 3-8-9-3-11-19 (NOYOURWORRYINGABOUTCHICKS),
Monday:
Today I came to school BLONDE! Also Emma was no where to be found. I talked to *REDACTED* and her paranoia is getting MUCH worse. She can't sleep. When she does get the odd little bit of sleep
she has nightmares about some creature. I talked to a girl I knew at camp. Not *REDACTED*, *REDACTED*, the one who doesn't remember me. She's nicer now. She's an amazing drawer!
Page codes: 9-6-5-5-12-19-15-2-1-4-6-15-25-15-21 (IFEELSOBADFORYOU),
19-5-18-9-15-21-19-12-25 (SERIOUSLY?),
Wednesday:
Yesterday I forgot to write in my journal because I forgot to bring it to school. So basicially not much happened except Emma and I talked without a problem. I just had a day dream.
Well more of a daymare. I saw me outside talking to a teacher. I said that Emma is missing. "Missing missing?" the teacher asked. "Missing missing" I said. Then I saw a missing poster
for Emma. Then I saw myself crying. I looked up and said "It's all my fault." For some reason even though I knew it wasn't real I still felt like crying. To be honest I kind of... Wait.
I remember, the dream felt so real. There was a creature, I saw pills on the floor and a mask with a creepy smile on it. The smile was stitched together. I know that mask. My sister Jessica
bought it for me before she killed herself, she said that it was a metaphor to "smile even when times are darkest." She called it the "Smiley" mask. Anyway, that's too off topic...
I also got almost everything that I needed to do done. Actually I did get it all done. I don't really have any work that I plan to do today. But I have a ton of work to do at home. I have no idea
what to do. Sorry, my pen broke. No joke. It literally just fell apart. I'm gonna try to put it back together. I'm extremely close. The pieces of this pen are very facinating. Springs and
Plastic and little bits and pieces. All of them together make something work. But seperated thety are all so small and insignificant. I think I'm gonna use a new pen. Or I guess I'm gonna
keep using this red marker. Me and Emma hung out alone, well not alone, that would imply some sort of special relationship between us, no no no,. I hung out with my normal friends but instead of
being off property Emma was hanging out with us,. Eventually we all sort of split up into groups of two. Emma just happened to be the person I followed unconsiously. I asked her if she checked
her gmail cause I sent her something. She said yes. But she didn't do anything. She either could have used what I sent her to either embarrass me or to take as a kind gesture from me to show I
have no hard feelings towards her about our fourth breakup. Well, she didn't make fun of mr so maybe, just maybe, she has no hard feelings either. Not that I care what she thinks, after all,
Four chances is three too many!
Page codes: 23-8-25 20-8-5 6-21-3-11 1-18-5 25-15-21 2-12-15-14-4 (WHYTHEFUCKAREYOUBLOND?),
13-9-19-19 8-5-18 (MISSHER?),
9 4-15-14-20 11-14-15-23 23-8-1-20 20-15 4-15 9 4-15-14-20 11-14-15-23 23-8-1-20 20-15 4-15 23-8-5-14 19-8-5 13-1-11-5-19 13-5 19-1-4
(I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad),
12-9-11-5 12-9-6-5 (LIKE LIFE),
20-8-5-18-5-19 13-15-18-5 (THERESMORE),
25-15-21 19-20-9-12-12 12-15-22-5 8-5-18 (YOUSTILLLOVEHER),
(reaction to drawing on the page) 25-15-21-18-19-15-12-15-14-5-12-25 (YOURSOLONELY),
Thursday:
How to say this I don't know. I am starting to believe *REDACTED* likes me less and less. But I'm starting to believe that Emma is liking me more and more. BUT WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS!
In other "news", A girl that I didn't know the name of until second break today (her name is Grace, I found that out today.) She's extremely familiar. I SWEAR I saw a girl EXACTLY like her at
*REDACTED*. The girl at *REDACTED* had an obvious crush on me, we even "Dated" (it wasn't considered the same as "dating" is now BTW) If this is the same girl then her constant rubbing
her body parts (mainly her boobs) against me can be explained pretty easily. Maybe I'll ask her if she ever went to *REDACTED* tomorrow. Today in health class I got to hold a cigarette. I
had to take it apart so after my hands smelled like tobacco and I had to wash them. I kind of wanted to keep them like that to trick mom into thinking I was smoking. *REDACTED* should be
coming over today.
Page codes:
6-18-9-5-14-4-19 (FRIENDS?)
"14-5-23-19" ("News")
20-8-5 18-5-1-12 17-21-5-19-20-9-15-14 23-8-1-20 9-19 4-1-20-9-14-7 3-15-14-19-9-4-5-18-5-4-14-15-23 (THE REAL QUESTION. WHAT IS DATING CONSIDERED NOW?),
(Unreadable amounts of numbers)
19-13-15-11-9-14' (SMOKIN'),
Friday:
*REDACTED* didn't come over yesterday. Tomorrow I am going to fear farm with *REDACTED* and *REDACTED*. Today I am going to ask Grace if she ever went to *REDACTED*. I am also gonna ask
Emma if there can be no hard feelings between us. I have so much to do before Fear Farm. Suprisingly I've already gotten most of them done. I think I'm gonna eat. Then read some Hugo
maybe if I have time. I asked Grace if she went to *REDACTED* and she said yes! She also says she feels like a third wheel between me and who she thought was my girlfriend. Who would be none
other than Emma. I told her I was single which I am. She asked me why I'm not hanging out with *REDACTED*. I told her the truth, I don't know what compelled me to but I did anyway. I told her,
I don't really like how *REDACTED* constantly treats me, and yes, I know she trusts me with her life and all but when she STILL says she hates me and clearly uses me to get rid of people
she doesn't want around it's kind of hard to ALWAYS be nice to her. Also me, Grace and her friend who i don't know the name of agreed to ditch *REDACTED* and the rest of the group and just
hang out, just the 3 of us. Also I don't think I'm gonna ask Emma my "No hard feelings?" question cause I already know she's gonna say no. Maybe me and Emma really aren't supposed to be
even friends in the first place. The movie we were gonna watch was Hugo but the thing we get movies from said on the page that it was having difficulites playing things so we watched Iron-Man
2 which my teacher had downloaded. Mrs.Berg visited and I told her about how this year has been so far. Including my fourth breakup with Emma. Me, Grace, *REDACTED* and the other girl
all hung out. Then Grace went inside to go to the bathroom and *REDACTED* went inside for god knows what. Then Grace came back and played a little basketball well me and the other girl talked
well waiting for *REDACTED* to come back. Then Grace came back and pointed toward a door. There she was, *REDACTED* herself standing with her other group of friends completely ignoring the fact
that she completely abandoned us. After that me, Grace and the other girl all hung out by the yellow box that me and Dominic and Seb used to hang out at. Grace looked at me and told me to sit on
the yellow box so I did, Then she told me to move over, so I did, then she sat beside me and laid her leg across my lap. Then the other girl climbed onto the box and sat in a ball behind Grace.
Then the bell rang so I asked Grace and the other girl if they wanted to ditch *REDACTED* and her friends the next time we hang out and Grace said maybe.
Page codes:
15-14-12-25 23-8-5-14 9 19-20-15-16 20-15 20-8-9-14-11 1-2-15-21-20 9-20. 9 8-1-20-5 5-22-5-18-25-20-8-9-14-7 1-2-15-21-20 25-15-21! 23-8-25 4-15 9 12-15-22-5 25-15-21? 9 8-1-20-5 5-22-5-18-25-20-8
-9-14-7 1-2-15-21-20 25-15-21! 23-8-25 4-15 9 12-15-22-5 25-15-21? (ONLY WHEN I STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! WHY DO I LOVE YOU? I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! WHY DO I LOVE
YOU?),
(replying to drawing) 4-15-14'20 8-21-18-20 13-5 14-15 13-15-18-5 (DON'T HURT ME NO MORE),
(replying to another drawing) 4-1-13-14 19-20-18-1-9-7-8-20 (DAMNSTRAIGHT),
(replying to another drawing) 9 1-13 22-5-18-25 4-9-19-1-16-16-159-14-20-5-4 9-14 25-15-21 18-9-7-8-20 14-15-23! (I AM VERY DISSAPOINTED IN YOU RIGHT NOW),
Monday:
Fear Farm wasn't scary. *REDACTED* was acting like a baby the whole time. *REDACTED* was spending the whole trip checking out clown chicks so he wasn't scared. We went to all of the rides.
None of us (except mom) got scared on the clown one. Both me and *REDACTED* were checking out girls. On one of the attractions there was this one guy who forgot his mask and when he jumped at me
I pointed it out and he broke character (someone got fired) and there was this really trippy area that looked like it had water (which was the scariest part of it. The fact that I thought I was
gonna get wet.) Also this one guy walked up to my mom and yelled "GET OUT!" and so she yelled "OR WHAT!" and the same guy got in my face and yelled the same thing and I looked at him dead
in the eye and said "Get outt mah way." and you can all roll your eyes now but 5, is that a good enough hint? yes, I admit it, me and Emma are talking again. I NEVER SAID WE ARE BACK TOGETHER!
Oh wait, 5. 5th chane. WHY DID I HAVE TO MAKE IT SO OBVIOUS? Ok, you can groan now. Just get it over with. Lemme guess. You'd rather me perv on clown chicks like I'm *REDACTED* with any girl then
be with her again. I just can't help but feel in love with her. Maybe it's because when she's around, I laugh for real instead of just hiding my pain. I love you Emma. My next journal will
still have howeer many pages of "ANGSTY TEEN LIFE!"
page codes: 19-5-17-21-5-12 20-5-1-19-5 (SEQUEL TEASE)
19-5-5 25-15-21 14-5-24-20 20-9-13-5 (SEE YOU NEXT TIME)
Hello, my name is Ashton Bunston and if you are reading this that means that you have gotten ahold of my journal. So if you like teen angst then read it, i don't care. Stalker.
Monday:
At first break today I asked Emma if me and her are still together. Like always she just went off topic and was silly. To be honest I don't even know if me and her should even be together in the
first place. I think if she says yes we are then I'll keep going for her mental sake as she seems to be extremely sensitive to being told something as simple as "if you don't show me that you care
about me then we are over." As when I told her that she responded the next day by getting her friend to give me a sort of suicide note and going home early only to return when my mental state
was at it's worst about the situation. If she says no that's OK because as long as me and her are getting along than everything is good. I've written a note and hope things work out in the end.
I am planning on giving Emma the note in 3 minutes (it's 1:47). Now it's 1:48. 2 minutes left. I gave the note to Emma and am waiting for a reply. Also me and *REDACTED* have a truce and
are going to figure out a way to fix our problems. At least someone is getting happier. As for friendships, A theory that I have been keeping in my brain has been confirmed. *REDACTED*
has confirmed that she is a type B tsundere. Instead of saying she hates me when she actually loves me she says she hates me when she actually enjoys my company and trusts me like a friend. I truly
hope that I don't disappoint her. Her trust is one thing that I want more than showing *REDACTED* who's boss. Wait, no, I DON'T LIKE HER! NEVER!
Page codes: 9 23-15-21-12-4-14 20 20-18-21-19-20 8-5-18 (IWOULDN'TTRUSTHER),
22-5-18-25 13-1-20-21-18-5. (VERYMATURE.),
20-8-5-25-23-9-12-12 (THEYWILL),
14-15-23-9-20-19-1-12-12-19-20-1-18-20-9-14-7 (NOWIT'SALLSTARTING),
7-21-5-19-19-5-19 15-14 23-8-15 (GUESSESONWHO),
19-8-5-19 6-18-9-7-7-9-14-1-23-5-19-15-13-5 (SHE'SFRIGGINAWESOME).
Tuesday:
Today after school me and *REDACTED* hung out and went to Southside park, because it was a wet day the park was empty. *REDACTED* says he thinks *REDACTED*
likes me and to be honest he made a pretty good point. *REDACTED* constantly makes fun of her body and if I do that she gets mad although that might just be because she doesn't want
people body shaming her or something. He mentioned that she always tags my chest area when she's it in tag, as well as if she tags me and I tag her back she does the exact same little
flirtatious tagback thing me and Emma used to do. I said I think the first thing is done accidentally and the second is juat a two way thing between us. He said she makes fun of me because
she loves me. I said it's just our way of joking, personally I don't think she likes me but it could just be me hoping to not have to deal with anymore confusing girls. But I think I'll ask her
just to be sure.
Page codes: 2-21-20 8-5-18 2-15-4-25 9-19 19-15 3-21-20-5 (BUTHERBODYISSOCUTE),
19-8-5 20-15-21-3-8-5-19 13-1-8 14-9-16-16-12-5-19 (BUTSHETOUCHESMAHNIPPLES),
25-5-1-8 20-15 13-1-11-5 19-21-18-5 9 3-12-5-1-18-12-25 4-15-14-20 8-15-16-5 19-8-5-12-12 19-1-25 19-8-5 12-9-11-5-19 13-5 (YEAHTOMAKESUREICLEARLYDON'THOPESHESAYSSHELOVESME)
Wednesday:
Today I got to pack my own lunch. It's not the first time but I got to pack it completely as well as cook the lunch. I have to admit that I'm not happy with *REDACTED* or
*REDACTED*. *REDACTED* stole my phone and used it to talk to *REDACTED* what *redacted* asked was a good question, but it was still unnesssacary.
*redacted* was being a jerk though because he tells me that *REDACTED* I can tell that Emma wasn't being honest. I told her that if she doesn't show me that she cares we are over. *REDACTED*
Yesterday when me and *REDACTED* were walking to Southside Park I saw *REDACTED* who was one of my "friends" from *REDACTED* Her entire family hates me. we saw her at walmart one day and
the second we walked past they started to bad mouth me. So I just yelled as loud as possible about how great I've been doing since I (rest of page blocked out by piece of paper taped onto it.
There are multiple pieces of paper taped to my journal pages. All they have are numbers that I'm going to decode.
Page one: 20-5-1-18-19 12-5-1-4 13-5 15-14, 20-8-5-25 12-5-20 13-5 12-5-1-4 25-15-21 19-15 6-1-18, 23-5-1-11 15-18 19-20-18-15-14-7 9-12-12 8-15-12-4 25-15-21-18 1-18-13.
(Tears lead me on, they let me lead you so far, weak or strong I'll hold your arm.)
page two: 9-4 19-1-25 5-1-20 25-15-21-18 23-15-18-4-19 2-21-20 20-8-5-25 13-9-7-8-20 2-5 1 12-9-20-20-12-5 20-15-15 19-1-12-20-25 6-15-18 25-15-21-18 19-5-14-19-9-20-9-22-5 2-15-4-25
(IDSAYEATYOURWORDSBUTTHEYMIGHTBETOOSALTYFORYOURSENSITIVEBODY)
page three, four and five: 9-20 19 6-21-14-14-25 20-8-1-20 25-15-21 20-8-9-14-11 23-5 18-5 6-18-9-5-14-4-19 9-20 19 13-1-25-2-5 20-9-13-5 20-15 20-8-9-14-11 1-7-1-9-14
20-8-5 19-8-9-20 25-15-21 19-1-9-4 25-15-21 23-9-19-8-5-4 13-5 4-5-1-4 9-14-19-20-5-1-4 15-6 20-18-25-9-14-7 20-15 13-1-11-5 1-13-5-14-4-19
14-15-23 9-20 19 6-9-14-1-12-12-25 19-9-14-11-9-14-7 9-14 20-8-1-20 9 13 20-8-5 15-14-5 23-8-15 19 6-9-14-9-19-8-9-14-7
19-15 4-15-14 20 16-18-5-20-5-14-4 20-15 20-1-11-5 15-6-6-5-14-19-5 25-15-21 5-1-18-14-5-4 9-20 5-22-5-18-25 19-9-14-7-12-5 3-5-14-20
1-12-13-15-19-20 20-8-15-21-7-8-20 20-8-1-20 25-15-21 23-5-18-5 18-9-7-8-20 9 1-12-23-1-25-19 20-8-15-21-7-8-20 9 4 12-15-19-5 20-8-5 6-9-7-8-20
1-14-4 3-1-13-5 21-14-4-15-14-5 25-15-21 1-12-23-1-25-19 23-15-14 25-15-21 1-12-13-15-19-20 3-15-14-17-21-5-18-5-4 13-5 23-9-20-8 19-16-9-20-5
25-15-21 14-5-22-5-18 19-1-23 9-20 20-8-18-15-21-7-8 20-8-5 12-9-7-8-20 9-20 2-12-9-14-4-5-4 25-15-21 9-20 19-11-5-23-5-4 25-15-21-18 19-9-7-8-20
20-8-5 19-8-9-20 25-15-21 20-1-12-11-5-4 1-14-4 23-8-1-20 25-15-21 20-8-15-21-7-8-20 1-14-4 14-15-23 9-20 6-21-3-11-9-14-7 5-14-4-19 20-15-14-9-7-8-20
(It's funny that you think we're friends, it's maybe time to think again
The shit you said, you wished me dead instead of trying to make amends
Now it's finally sinking in that I'm the one who's finishing
So don't pretend to take offense, you earned it, every single cent
Almost thought that you were right, I always thought I'd lose the fight
And came undone, you always won, you almost conquered me with spite
You never saw it through the light, it blinded you, it skewed your sight
The shit you talked and what you thought and now it fucking ends tonight)
Remains of what pages had tape on them: Told me her dad hates me and I just looked at- and said "So what?"- "Matter to me." I- Last night that- and everyone from before was there. Even people
- forced to go on some field trip to some huge school in what looked like France. - Escaped without getting caught but realised we didn't know where to go so we snuck back and with the people- we
escaped again. -been triggered.
Thursday:
Last night I got grounded over nothing. Also a few things happened. After my last entry I helped *REDACTED* write his note but he kept telling me to type perverted things. Then the bell rang.
I told *REDACTED* that *REDACTED* was gonna need another day to work on the note. *REDACTED* went psycho on me. So I'm not helping him. Well I think I will just to mess with him.
I asked *REDACTED* if she likes me. She said no. Also I got an answer from Emma and like I thought I'm single. I don't think I'm gonna care about relationships. They just get in the way of the
more important things about life, living it.
Page codes: 14-15-20-8-9-14-7 (NOTHING?),
12-9-20-20-12-5 23-8-9-14-5-18 (LITTLE WHINER),
25-15-21 23-5-18-5-14-20 19-21-16-16-15-19-5-4 20-15 19-5-5 20-8-9-19 (YOUWEREN'TSUPPOSEDTOSEETHIS),
9-20-19 20-18-21-5 (IT'STRUE) (on drawing on page)
21-13 14-15 25-15-21-18 23-15-18-18-25-9-14-7 1-2-15-21-20 3-8-9-3-11-19 (NOYOURWORRYINGABOUTCHICKS),
Monday:
Today I came to school BLONDE! Also Emma was no where to be found. I talked to *REDACTED* and her paranoia is getting MUCH worse. She can't sleep. When she does get the odd little bit of sleep
she has nightmares about some creature. I talked to a girl I knew at camp. Not *REDACTED*, *REDACTED*, the one who doesn't remember me. She's nicer now. She's an amazing drawer!
Page codes: 9-6-5-5-12-19-15-2-1-4-6-15-25-15-21 (IFEELSOBADFORYOU),
19-5-18-9-15-21-19-12-25 (SERIOUSLY?),
Wednesday:
Yesterday I forgot to write in my journal because I forgot to bring it to school. So basicially not much happened except Emma and I talked without a problem. I just had a day dream.
Well more of a daymare. I saw me outside talking to a teacher. I said that Emma is missing. "Missing missing?" the teacher asked. "Missing missing" I said. Then I saw a missing poster
for Emma. Then I saw myself crying. I looked up and said "It's all my fault." For some reason even though I knew it wasn't real I still felt like crying. To be honest I kind of... Wait.
I remember, the dream felt so real. There was a creature, I saw pills on the floor and a mask with a creepy smile on it. The smile was stitched together. I know that mask. My sister Jessica
bought it for me before she killed herself, she said that it was a metaphor to "smile even when times are darkest." She called it the "Smiley" mask. Anyway, that's too off topic...
I also got almost everything that I needed to do done. Actually I did get it all done. I don't really have any work that I plan to do today. But I have a ton of work to do at home. I have no idea
what to do. Sorry, my pen broke. No joke. It literally just fell apart. I'm gonna try to put it back together. I'm extremely close. The pieces of this pen are very facinating. Springs and
Plastic and little bits and pieces. All of them together make something work. But seperated thety are all so small and insignificant. I think I'm gonna use a new pen. Or I guess I'm gonna
keep using this red marker. Me and Emma hung out alone, well not alone, that would imply some sort of special relationship between us, no no no,. I hung out with my normal friends but instead of
being off property Emma was hanging out with us,. Eventually we all sort of split up into groups of two. Emma just happened to be the person I followed unconsiously. I asked her if she checked
her gmail cause I sent her something. She said yes. But she didn't do anything. She either could have used what I sent her to either embarrass me or to take as a kind gesture from me to show I
have no hard feelings towards her about our fourth breakup. Well, she didn't make fun of mr so maybe, just maybe, she has no hard feelings either. Not that I care what she thinks, after all,
Four chances is three too many!
Page codes: 23-8-25 20-8-5 6-21-3-11 1-18-5 25-15-21 2-12-15-14-4 (WHYTHEFUCKAREYOUBLOND?),
13-9-19-19 8-5-18 (MISSHER?),
9 4-15-14-20 11-14-15-23 23-8-1-20 20-15 4-15 9 4-15-14-20 11-14-15-23 23-8-1-20 20-15 4-15 23-8-5-14 19-8-5 13-1-11-5-19 13-5 19-1-4
(I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad),
12-9-11-5 12-9-6-5 (LIKE LIFE),
20-8-5-18-5-19 13-15-18-5 (THERESMORE),
25-15-21 19-20-9-12-12 12-15-22-5 8-5-18 (YOUSTILLLOVEHER),
(reaction to drawing on the page) 25-15-21-18-19-15-12-15-14-5-12-25 (YOURSOLONELY),
Thursday:
How to say this I don't know. I am starting to believe *REDACTED* likes me less and less. But I'm starting to believe that Emma is liking me more and more. BUT WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS!
In other "news", A girl that I didn't know the name of until second break today (her name is Grace, I found that out today.) She's extremely familiar. I SWEAR I saw a girl EXACTLY like her at
*REDACTED*. The girl at *REDACTED* had an obvious crush on me, we even "Dated" (it wasn't considered the same as "dating" is now BTW) If this is the same girl then her constant rubbing
her body parts (mainly her boobs) against me can be explained pretty easily. Maybe I'll ask her if she ever went to *REDACTED* tomorrow. Today in health class I got to hold a cigarette. I
had to take it apart so after my hands smelled like tobacco and I had to wash them. I kind of wanted to keep them like that to trick mom into thinking I was smoking. *REDACTED* should be
coming over today.
Page codes:
6-18-9-5-14-4-19 (FRIENDS?)
"14-5-23-19" ("News")
20-8-5 18-5-1-12 17-21-5-19-20-9-15-14 23-8-1-20 9-19 4-1-20-9-14-7 3-15-14-19-9-4-5-18-5-4-14-15-23 (THE REAL QUESTION. WHAT IS DATING CONSIDERED NOW?),
(Unreadable amounts of numbers)
19-13-15-11-9-14' (SMOKIN'),
Friday:
*REDACTED* didn't come over yesterday. Tomorrow I am going to fear farm with *REDACTED* and *REDACTED*. Today I am going to ask Grace if she ever went to *REDACTED*. I am also gonna ask
Emma if there can be no hard feelings between us. I have so much to do before Fear Farm. Suprisingly I've already gotten most of them done. I think I'm gonna eat. Then read some Hugo
maybe if I have time. I asked Grace if she went to *REDACTED* and she said yes! She also says she feels like a third wheel between me and who she thought was my girlfriend. Who would be none
other than Emma. I told her I was single which I am. She asked me why I'm not hanging out with *REDACTED*. I told her the truth, I don't know what compelled me to but I did anyway. I told her,
I don't really like how *REDACTED* constantly treats me, and yes, I know she trusts me with her life and all but when she STILL says she hates me and clearly uses me to get rid of people
she doesn't want around it's kind of hard to ALWAYS be nice to her. Also me, Grace and her friend who i don't know the name of agreed to ditch *REDACTED* and the rest of the group and just
hang out, just the 3 of us. Also I don't think I'm gonna ask Emma my "No hard feelings?" question cause I already know she's gonna say no. Maybe me and Emma really aren't supposed to be
even friends in the first place. The movie we were gonna watch was Hugo but the thing we get movies from said on the page that it was having difficulites playing things so we watched Iron-Man
2 which my teacher had downloaded. Mrs.Berg visited and I told her about how this year has been so far. Including my fourth breakup with Emma. Me, Grace, *REDACTED* and the other girl
all hung out. Then Grace went inside to go to the bathroom and *REDACTED* went inside for god knows what. Then Grace came back and played a little basketball well me and the other girl talked
well waiting for *REDACTED* to come back. Then Grace came back and pointed toward a door. There she was, *REDACTED* herself standing with her other group of friends completely ignoring the fact
that she completely abandoned us. After that me, Grace and the other girl all hung out by the yellow box that me and Dominic and Seb used to hang out at. Grace looked at me and told me to sit on
the yellow box so I did, Then she told me to move over, so I did, then she sat beside me and laid her leg across my lap. Then the other girl climbed onto the box and sat in a ball behind Grace.
Then the bell rang so I asked Grace and the other girl if they wanted to ditch *REDACTED* and her friends the next time we hang out and Grace said maybe.
Page codes:
15-14-12-25 23-8-5-14 9 19-20-15-16 20-15 20-8-9-14-11 1-2-15-21-20 9-20. 9 8-1-20-5 5-22-5-18-25-20-8-9-14-7 1-2-15-21-20 25-15-21! 23-8-25 4-15 9 12-15-22-5 25-15-21? 9 8-1-20-5 5-22-5-18-25-20-8
-9-14-7 1-2-15-21-20 25-15-21! 23-8-25 4-15 9 12-15-22-5 25-15-21? (ONLY WHEN I STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! WHY DO I LOVE YOU? I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! WHY DO I LOVE
YOU?),
(replying to drawing) 4-15-14'20 8-21-18-20 13-5 14-15 13-15-18-5 (DON'T HURT ME NO MORE),
(replying to another drawing) 4-1-13-14 19-20-18-1-9-7-8-20 (DAMNSTRAIGHT),
(replying to another drawing) 9 1-13 22-5-18-25 4-9-19-1-16-16-159-14-20-5-4 9-14 25-15-21 18-9-7-8-20 14-15-23! (I AM VERY DISSAPOINTED IN YOU RIGHT NOW),
Monday:
Fear Farm wasn't scary. *REDACTED* was acting like a baby the whole time. *REDACTED* was spending the whole trip checking out clown chicks so he wasn't scared. We went to all of the rides.
None of us (except mom) got scared on the clown one. Both me and *REDACTED* were checking out girls. On one of the attractions there was this one guy who forgot his mask and when he jumped at me
I pointed it out and he broke character (someone got fired) and there was this really trippy area that looked like it had water (which was the scariest part of it. The fact that I thought I was
gonna get wet.) Also this one guy walked up to my mom and yelled "GET OUT!" and so she yelled "OR WHAT!" and the same guy got in my face and yelled the same thing and I looked at him dead
in the eye and said "Get outt mah way." and you can all roll your eyes now but 5, is that a good enough hint? yes, I admit it, me and Emma are talking again. I NEVER SAID WE ARE BACK TOGETHER!
Oh wait, 5. 5th chane. WHY DID I HAVE TO MAKE IT SO OBVIOUS? Ok, you can groan now. Just get it over with. Lemme guess. You'd rather me perv on clown chicks like I'm *REDACTED* with any girl then
be with her again. I just can't help but feel in love with her. Maybe it's because when she's around, I laugh for real instead of just hiding my pain. I love you Emma. My next journal will
still have howeer many pages of "ANGSTY TEEN LIFE!"
page codes: 19-5-17-21-5-12 20-5-1-19-5 (SEQUEL TEASE)
19-5-5 25-15-21 14-5-24-20 20-9-13-5 (SEE YOU NEXT TIME)