The Joyous Malingerer by Ogden Nash Lyrics

Who is the happy husband? Why, indeed
'Tis he who's useless in the time of need
Who, asked to unclasp a bracelet or a neckless
Contrives to be utterly futile, fumbling, feckless
Or when a zipper nips his loved one's back
Cannot restore the zipper to its track
Another time, not wishing to be flayed
She will not use him as a lady's maid

Stove-wise he's the perpetual backward learner
Who can't turn on or off the proper burner
If faced with washing up he never gripes
But simply drops more dishes than he wipes
She finds his absence preferable to his aid
And thus all mealtime chores doth he evade

He can, attempting to replace a fuse
Black out the coast from Boston to Newport News
Or, hanging pictures, be the rookie wizard
Who fills the parlor with a plaster blizzard
He'll not again be called to competition
With decorator or with electrician
At last it dawns upon his patient spouse
He's better at his desk than round the house