Threading Rap - A Song for Hairy Girls by Nilam Auntie (played by Rasika Mathur) Lyrics

Threading Rap

First I was afraid
I was petrified
I used depilatory creams
And then I'd cry
Waxing was painful
Bleaching was a sham
Tweezing left me red
I-I-I look like a man

And then a gypsy woman
Grabbed me by the hairy hand
She showed me to how to thread
And now I understand

You don't rip
You don't pluck
You don't bleed
You don't burn
Burn, Mother Father, Burn
(Indian sitar flourish)

First you grab a spool of thread
And two fingers on each hand
Wrap around the thumb and
Your index if you can

Twist it around
Like your doing chinese torture
Oh, i foresee some flossing
In your future

And then you move
And then you slide
And then you twist
And then you wait
And it don't Burn, Mother Father, Burn

(Indian sitar flourish)

So for all the hairy women
Who have the unibrow
Let's get happy right now
And thread that upper frown

Cause if your mustache looks
Better than your man's
You've gotta wrap around the thumb
And your index if you can
And move, slide, twist and wait
It's clean it's mean they look lean 'naw mean
And it don't Burn, Mother Father, Burn
Aww yeah. 100% cotton y'all