Presidential Rap Battle: Presidents Fight Back by Meha Kavoori, Piolo Paz, Madeleine Chow, Rutaa Patel Lyrics
President #1: Rutherford B. Hayes
(written by Rutaa, rapped by Meha)
Hayes is in the House
Hayes is in the House now
Everybody be ready to get thrown out
(Hayes’ House, Hayes’ House)
Listen here
Workers, farmers, the immigrants too
Come together
We must for reform to pursue
Temperance, greenbacks, and black voting rights
All must be protected under my over-sight
To be committed to temperance as of now
I must ban liquor flow into the White House
Greenbacks you’re next
Step up to the plate
Bout to retire gov bonds
Insure you with gold plates
Silver coinage (who is she?)
I gave her the fame (pause) she knows of me
Issued more of them, to help my homies out
Those who served in the war
Both on and off the ground
So look at yourself and tell me now
What did you do better and what do I not have?
President #2: James Garfield Roast (Hayes) & Accomplishments
(written by Rutaa, rapped by Piolo)
Rutherford, Rutherford
Hear my out my man
You only did the things you felt weren’t bad
But you had your chance
It’s time to shut up
Cause I’m about to get real & let you know wassup
You performed discrimination against Chinese immigration
Destroyed their dreams of living in a new nation
Vetoed the Bland Allison Act that would’ve had your homies back
But you couldn’t face the inflation, by increasing circulation
Had to send in federal troops to put down the workers
Cause only backing railroad companies gets you power
Demonish Democrats, you call them now
But wasn’t it your party that gave birth to its clout?
Pro-Business, Pro-Business
That’s all you preach
But high tariffs, and no assistance is all I see
Union service as lieutenant colonel (civil war)
Anyone else as brave as me?
Rank of brig-a-dier general, Battle of Shiloh
I served in the civil war
Had no experience
But I still beat the confederates
Nine terms in the House of Representatives
Elected to the Senate
In 1880 I got chosen
As the party’s nomination
Everyone deserves an edu-caation
So let’s give them universal education
Give the blacks free-dom
Give them civil rights!
Even though I died so early
Had the second shortest term in history
I was still able to reform this country
Anyone else
Can they claim that trophy?
President #3: Chester A. Arthur Roast (Garfield) & Accomplishments
(written by Madeleine & Piolo, rapped by Madeleine)
Garfield you may have been elected to the
Senate
But did no one tell you-
You got rejected?
You never took your seat at all
Unfortunately that was your fall
Lucky lucky little Garfield
Managed to get in the high rises
But oh so sad
You got shot
By Charles J. Guiteau, what a stalwart!
And your “presidential” doctors
Couldn’t even save your life
The Star Route Scandal
Corruption all around
I thought you were supposed to reform this town
But I guess you let us down
Had that affair with- who was it?
Lucia Calhoun
Couldn’t be honest with your wife
So how’ll you stay loyal
To this country and its people?
Ayo, Chester’s here, you old hags should be humbled
Cause for all I know all of you just caused trouble
21st president; 21 is my number
Your presidencies was just one big blunder
You may ask, what did I do in the office
Well listen here, cause maybe you’ll think “Hey I should have done this”
First of all the state of our navy was so disgraceful
It was weak, it was bad, and oh very shameful
Funds were requested by me and my navy secretary
We constructed protected cruisers A, B, C and D
Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, and Dolphin
My modernization of the navy won’t be forgotten
Now let’s talk about the Pendleton Act
An act I made to law that made a major impact
Until the late 70’s we practiced the spoils system
Then I made the CSC and enforced a merit system
President #4: Grover Cleveland Roast (Arthur) & Accomplishments
(written by Piolo & Meha, rapped by Meha)
Mr. Arthur, go ahead and walk out of here
Your failed presidency marked the end of your career
You’re the most problematic, senseless, and racist man
With your bushy sideburns, you might as well have never ran
Now look at you with your kidney disease
It’s karma for banning the immigration of the Chinese
And all the pain you felt was pain well deserved
Signed that ten year ban in office, as president you never subserved
You may have made a steel ship or maybe just a few
Does not explain why our spending was overdue
You failed to fix it just for steel ships
Well who is actually surprised you did not do it?
Furthermore, as I said you were a racist
Not just to the Chinese but also to the Natives
You opened schools so they can improve their wit
Because you said that the Natives were “unfit”
You supported an allotment system for our indigenous
You were racist when you said they were savage and perpetuated it
All in all, folks here’s Chester Arthur
A disgrace of a man, and a shame of a leader
Cleveland in the building
I can hear the people cheering
I am a survivor
Cut that cancer out my mouth
I will be the one who sparks the great fire
Yeah, I’m fair to the people
Civil Service changes, so offices could be equal
Even vetoed bills about bogus pension
And this was not the only thing that got their attention
The Interstate Commerce Act was the best
Federal railroad regulation had addressed
The unfair rates and policies that were protest
Expansion stays my middle name
Invoked Monroe Doctrine and proclaimed
To solve the Venezuela border dispute was my aim
Got the Great British to relinquish their claim
This was not the only foreign action that I took
Withdrew Hawaii’s annexation treaty
Even called them Republic ‘cause they ain’t so needy
President #5: Benjamin Harrison Roast (Cleveland) & Accomplishments:
(written by Meha, rapped by Meha)
Grover Cleveland, what a waste of a president
Became the first democatic White House resident
Since before the Civil War, settin’ the precedent
Appealing to the rich and the people of the south
But what about the immigrants, laborers, and the poor
Against protective tariffs to help out industrial interest
And against texas seed bill –providing relief for the farmers
Against labor movement with the Pullman Railroad Strike
And against immigration with the Chinese Exclusion Act
Thinkin you the big man assimilating tribes
Taking ancient lands so they could then decide
Yet most of the time, land was bought, sold, or bribed
Let’s not even mention the depression of ‘93
Defending gold standard and public did not agree
Did some shady stuff, like borrow money from the banks
Which led the government to fall through the ranks
So what exactly are you for
When you can’t even do more
Than wallow in all the issues
And use up all your tissues
Go ahead and cry to your 21-year old wife
Guess who it is?
It’s Harrison, yes it is
Got to the house, yeah I’m such a whiz
I know that you workers must be beat
With such long working hours in the heat
Wonder if you even have the time to eat?
And you veterans
Don’t you even mention
You guys don’t even get the right amount of pension
Y'all are the reason that I do what I do
Sent a message to the Congress so they know what you go through
Passed the de-pendent pension bill
Which I think is quite the thrill
Benefits to Union veterans and their relatives still
So you know that this bill is super ill!
Civil rights, civil service, civil reform
Better conditions and pension too
On the side of people
That’s what I preach
Granting veter-ans, their economic relief
Sherman Antitrust: forbidding the creation of monopoly trusts
Sherman Silver Purchase: supporting farmers by increasing silver coinage
Only scratched the surface
Yeah, you’ll all see
President #6: William McKinley Roast (Harrison) & Accomplishments
(written by Rutaa & Piolo, rapped by Piolo & Madeleine)
Harrison, Harrison
Who you think you are?
Say you’re for the people
But don’t make us feel equal
Under your supervision of the country
New Orleans was lynching so many peeps
So bad, so bad that we had to make peace
Because Italy almost sent in the machines
But you cleared it up
Yeah you did all right
If only you didn’t have to use bribes
Then there’s Hawaii
Your favorite place
To annex and protect
All your industrial things
Would you look over here
Chile’s coming near
It’s joining the list of enemies you fear
You can try to apologize
But it won’t change their mind
You pissed them off
When you chose to open your eyes
Should have avoided the issue
But now you need a tissue
Cause if Chile wants a fight
You’ll be needing a nightlight
I got a tariff named after me
The McKinley Tariff, neat, gee!
It boosted rates by almost 50%
Great economic business and more cents!
If you still don’t know who I am
The name, McKinley shoulda clued you in
I saved the Cuban rebels from extinction
And beat those Spaniards back to their vacations!
The next country, we’re moving on
I pushed back the Boxers
They were rebelling against our influence
So we had to mess em’ up good
They’ll learn next time
Not to deal with the strong
I got re-elected
Back in 1900
I’m so damn popular
No other platform can stand a chance
Not even anti-imperialism at its best!
President #1: Rutherford B. Hayes Roast (McKinley)
(written by Piolo, rapped by Piolo)
Sir William McKinley, oh why can’t you see
You’re only known for being the name sake of the school in Glee
Your authoritative choices led to bloodshed
But oh well, who cares? You got shot… dead
From Cuba to PR, and the islands of the Philippines
You really had to pursue your imperialistic tendencies
This fool said he did it for the markets
But also claimed the Philippines unfit for self-governance
And that wasn’t enough so you went to Hawaii
And you overthrew Liluokalani
The people despised you in the countries you took
You overall gave the USA a bad look
Anyway, here stands a colonizer rat
He had an entire country but he wasn’t pleased with that
This president set a long-lasting precedent
In the Boxer Rebellion, called for foreign intervention
(written by Rutaa, rapped by Meha)
Hayes is in the House
Hayes is in the House now
Everybody be ready to get thrown out
(Hayes’ House, Hayes’ House)
Listen here
Workers, farmers, the immigrants too
Come together
We must for reform to pursue
Temperance, greenbacks, and black voting rights
All must be protected under my over-sight
To be committed to temperance as of now
I must ban liquor flow into the White House
Greenbacks you’re next
Step up to the plate
Bout to retire gov bonds
Insure you with gold plates
Silver coinage (who is she?)
I gave her the fame (pause) she knows of me
Issued more of them, to help my homies out
Those who served in the war
Both on and off the ground
So look at yourself and tell me now
What did you do better and what do I not have?
President #2: James Garfield Roast (Hayes) & Accomplishments
(written by Rutaa, rapped by Piolo)
Rutherford, Rutherford
Hear my out my man
You only did the things you felt weren’t bad
But you had your chance
It’s time to shut up
Cause I’m about to get real & let you know wassup
You performed discrimination against Chinese immigration
Destroyed their dreams of living in a new nation
Vetoed the Bland Allison Act that would’ve had your homies back
But you couldn’t face the inflation, by increasing circulation
Had to send in federal troops to put down the workers
Cause only backing railroad companies gets you power
Demonish Democrats, you call them now
But wasn’t it your party that gave birth to its clout?
Pro-Business, Pro-Business
That’s all you preach
But high tariffs, and no assistance is all I see
Union service as lieutenant colonel (civil war)
Anyone else as brave as me?
Rank of brig-a-dier general, Battle of Shiloh
I served in the civil war
Had no experience
But I still beat the confederates
Nine terms in the House of Representatives
Elected to the Senate
In 1880 I got chosen
As the party’s nomination
Everyone deserves an edu-caation
So let’s give them universal education
Give the blacks free-dom
Give them civil rights!
Even though I died so early
Had the second shortest term in history
I was still able to reform this country
Anyone else
Can they claim that trophy?
President #3: Chester A. Arthur Roast (Garfield) & Accomplishments
(written by Madeleine & Piolo, rapped by Madeleine)
Garfield you may have been elected to the
Senate
But did no one tell you-
You got rejected?
You never took your seat at all
Unfortunately that was your fall
Lucky lucky little Garfield
Managed to get in the high rises
But oh so sad
You got shot
By Charles J. Guiteau, what a stalwart!
And your “presidential” doctors
Couldn’t even save your life
The Star Route Scandal
Corruption all around
I thought you were supposed to reform this town
But I guess you let us down
Had that affair with- who was it?
Lucia Calhoun
Couldn’t be honest with your wife
So how’ll you stay loyal
To this country and its people?
Ayo, Chester’s here, you old hags should be humbled
Cause for all I know all of you just caused trouble
21st president; 21 is my number
Your presidencies was just one big blunder
You may ask, what did I do in the office
Well listen here, cause maybe you’ll think “Hey I should have done this”
First of all the state of our navy was so disgraceful
It was weak, it was bad, and oh very shameful
Funds were requested by me and my navy secretary
We constructed protected cruisers A, B, C and D
Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, and Dolphin
My modernization of the navy won’t be forgotten
Now let’s talk about the Pendleton Act
An act I made to law that made a major impact
Until the late 70’s we practiced the spoils system
Then I made the CSC and enforced a merit system
President #4: Grover Cleveland Roast (Arthur) & Accomplishments
(written by Piolo & Meha, rapped by Meha)
Mr. Arthur, go ahead and walk out of here
Your failed presidency marked the end of your career
You’re the most problematic, senseless, and racist man
With your bushy sideburns, you might as well have never ran
Now look at you with your kidney disease
It’s karma for banning the immigration of the Chinese
And all the pain you felt was pain well deserved
Signed that ten year ban in office, as president you never subserved
You may have made a steel ship or maybe just a few
Does not explain why our spending was overdue
You failed to fix it just for steel ships
Well who is actually surprised you did not do it?
Furthermore, as I said you were a racist
Not just to the Chinese but also to the Natives
You opened schools so they can improve their wit
Because you said that the Natives were “unfit”
You supported an allotment system for our indigenous
You were racist when you said they were savage and perpetuated it
All in all, folks here’s Chester Arthur
A disgrace of a man, and a shame of a leader
Cleveland in the building
I can hear the people cheering
I am a survivor
Cut that cancer out my mouth
I will be the one who sparks the great fire
Yeah, I’m fair to the people
Civil Service changes, so offices could be equal
Even vetoed bills about bogus pension
And this was not the only thing that got their attention
The Interstate Commerce Act was the best
Federal railroad regulation had addressed
The unfair rates and policies that were protest
Expansion stays my middle name
Invoked Monroe Doctrine and proclaimed
To solve the Venezuela border dispute was my aim
Got the Great British to relinquish their claim
This was not the only foreign action that I took
Withdrew Hawaii’s annexation treaty
Even called them Republic ‘cause they ain’t so needy
President #5: Benjamin Harrison Roast (Cleveland) & Accomplishments:
(written by Meha, rapped by Meha)
Grover Cleveland, what a waste of a president
Became the first democatic White House resident
Since before the Civil War, settin’ the precedent
Appealing to the rich and the people of the south
But what about the immigrants, laborers, and the poor
Against protective tariffs to help out industrial interest
And against texas seed bill –providing relief for the farmers
Against labor movement with the Pullman Railroad Strike
And against immigration with the Chinese Exclusion Act
Thinkin you the big man assimilating tribes
Taking ancient lands so they could then decide
Yet most of the time, land was bought, sold, or bribed
Let’s not even mention the depression of ‘93
Defending gold standard and public did not agree
Did some shady stuff, like borrow money from the banks
Which led the government to fall through the ranks
So what exactly are you for
When you can’t even do more
Than wallow in all the issues
And use up all your tissues
Go ahead and cry to your 21-year old wife
Guess who it is?
It’s Harrison, yes it is
Got to the house, yeah I’m such a whiz
I know that you workers must be beat
With such long working hours in the heat
Wonder if you even have the time to eat?
And you veterans
Don’t you even mention
You guys don’t even get the right amount of pension
Y'all are the reason that I do what I do
Sent a message to the Congress so they know what you go through
Passed the de-pendent pension bill
Which I think is quite the thrill
Benefits to Union veterans and their relatives still
So you know that this bill is super ill!
Civil rights, civil service, civil reform
Better conditions and pension too
On the side of people
That’s what I preach
Granting veter-ans, their economic relief
Sherman Antitrust: forbidding the creation of monopoly trusts
Sherman Silver Purchase: supporting farmers by increasing silver coinage
Only scratched the surface
Yeah, you’ll all see
President #6: William McKinley Roast (Harrison) & Accomplishments
(written by Rutaa & Piolo, rapped by Piolo & Madeleine)
Harrison, Harrison
Who you think you are?
Say you’re for the people
But don’t make us feel equal
Under your supervision of the country
New Orleans was lynching so many peeps
So bad, so bad that we had to make peace
Because Italy almost sent in the machines
But you cleared it up
Yeah you did all right
If only you didn’t have to use bribes
Then there’s Hawaii
Your favorite place
To annex and protect
All your industrial things
Would you look over here
Chile’s coming near
It’s joining the list of enemies you fear
You can try to apologize
But it won’t change their mind
You pissed them off
When you chose to open your eyes
Should have avoided the issue
But now you need a tissue
Cause if Chile wants a fight
You’ll be needing a nightlight
I got a tariff named after me
The McKinley Tariff, neat, gee!
It boosted rates by almost 50%
Great economic business and more cents!
If you still don’t know who I am
The name, McKinley shoulda clued you in
I saved the Cuban rebels from extinction
And beat those Spaniards back to their vacations!
The next country, we’re moving on
I pushed back the Boxers
They were rebelling against our influence
So we had to mess em’ up good
They’ll learn next time
Not to deal with the strong
I got re-elected
Back in 1900
I’m so damn popular
No other platform can stand a chance
Not even anti-imperialism at its best!
President #1: Rutherford B. Hayes Roast (McKinley)
(written by Piolo, rapped by Piolo)
Sir William McKinley, oh why can’t you see
You’re only known for being the name sake of the school in Glee
Your authoritative choices led to bloodshed
But oh well, who cares? You got shot… dead
From Cuba to PR, and the islands of the Philippines
You really had to pursue your imperialistic tendencies
This fool said he did it for the markets
But also claimed the Philippines unfit for self-governance
And that wasn’t enough so you went to Hawaii
And you overthrew Liluokalani
The people despised you in the countries you took
You overall gave the USA a bad look
Anyway, here stands a colonizer rat
He had an entire country but he wasn’t pleased with that
This president set a long-lasting precedent
In the Boxer Rebellion, called for foreign intervention