Squaredance/Showdown by Krista Knight, Dave Malloy Lyrics
(We are transported into a Wild West Square Dance/Hoedown.)
(Commentators in the trance.)
SAMSON:
Woo-eee!
JAYNIE:
Yes woo-eee!
SAMSON:
Just say woo-eee. Say woo-eee!
JAYNIE:
Woo-eee!
SAMSON:
Everybody out there in the square dance tonight, say "woo-eee!"
CONTESTANTS:
Woo-eee!
MO:
Ya’now! Giddy up!
SAMSON:
Makes you feel good to get down and dirty, doesn't it?
MO:
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
DJ:
EVERYBODY HERE NOW GATHER ROUND
GRAB YOUR PARTNER DON’T MAKE A SOUND
START IT OFF EASY WITH A DOSEY DOE
CHICKEN IN THE BREAD PAN PICKIN' OUT DOUGH
A RIGHT AND LEFT AROUND THE RING
WHILE THE ROOSTERS CROW AND THE BIRDIES SING
ACE OF DIAMONDS, JACK OF SPADES
MEET YOUR PARTNER AND PROMENADE
ROGER:
Do you think we’re no longer compatible?
DAKOTA:
I didn’t say that
ROGER:
But that’s what you think?
DAKOTA:
I think we’re in different places in our lives
ROGER:
Because I’m in highschool and you’re in college?
DAKOTA:
Yeah
ROGER:
So you want to break up
DAKOTA:
I don’t know!
DJ:
NOW EVERYBODY’S ALL PARTNERED OFF
SO DON’T GET SCARED AND DON’T GET SOFT
CRACK THAT WHIP, JERK THE LINE
LETS START DANCING AND HAVE A GOOD TIME
JENNY IS SWEET, AND SALLY IS A GOOD ONE
I WANT THE GIRL WITH TAPIOCA PUDDIN'
TAKE IT TOO FAST AND TAKE IT TOO FAR
IN THE BACKSEAT OF YOUR PARENT’S CAR
SLIDE SLIDE BUMP AND GRIND
KEEP IT SHALLOW, TURN OFF YOUR MIND
EVERYBODY’S DOING IT WHY CAN’T YOU
JUST LOOSEN IT UP LIKE THE BIG BOYS DO
CHORUS:
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
ROGER:
What do you want me to do?
DAKOTA:
Make a decision
ROGER:
About sex?
DAKOTA:
About everything
ROGER & DAKOTA:
I DON’T WANNA THINK ABOUT
THE MILLION THINGS THAT I’M SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT
EVERY CHOICE I MAKE FILLS ME WITH
TERROR DREAD AND NAUSEA AND DOUBT
DJ:
BOW TO YOU PARTNER AND THE CORNER MISS
TO THE OPPOSITE FELLA BLOW A BIG FAT KISS
SLAP YOUR KNEE, CORNER SALUTE
CIRCLE LEFT, GO LICKETY-SCOOT
CALL YOUR DOGS AND GRAB YOUR GUN
KEEP ON DANCIN' AND HAVIN’ SOME FUN
CAT IN THE BARN, RAT IN HER MOUTH
GRAB YOUR HONEY AND HEAD HER SOUTH
BOYS ARE STUDS AND GIRLS ARE SLUTS
AND QUEERS AREN’T EVEN S’POSED TO DO THAT STUFF
CUT OUT YOUR HEART, LEARN THE RULES
DON’T FEEL TOO MUCH KEEP IT LIGHT AND COOL
CHORUS:
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
DAKOTA:
Oh my god, this isn’t sustainable
ROGER:
Does that mean you want to break up?
DAKOTA:
I don’t know, do you want to break up?
ROGER:
I don’t know, do you want to break up?
DAKOTA:
I mean do you?
ROGER:
Do you?
DAKOTA:
Do you?
ROGER:
Do you?
DJ:
ENOUGH!
DAKOTA:
What?
DJ:
We’re going to try something new. An old fashioned duel
DAKOTA:
What?
DJ:
There are things you want, that you cannot have if he gets the things he wants, the getting of which would mean you are out of luck
ROGER:
What?
DJ:
Mutually exclusive blah blah blah. We’ve come to a sprint
(DJ hits the SIREN.)
DJ:
Take your guns
DAKOTA:
Guns?
ROGER:
Why guns?
DAKOTA:
I’m not taking it
DJ
You’ve got to take it
DAKOTA:
I’m not taking it
DJ:
If you don’t take it, I’ll just shoot you
DAKOTA:
What?
ROGER:
Dakota take it!
DAKOTA:
I don’t even know how to fire a gun. What? Do you?
ROGER:
Yeah, I mean, it’s part of being an Eagle Scout
DAKOTA:
What?!
DJ:
On the count of three, you’re going to turn around and fire. The winner keeps going and the loser, is, well, shot
DAKOTA
Roger, what are we going to do? Roger?
ROGER:
I’m not going to shoot you
DAKOTA:
Neither am I
DJ:
THREE
COMMENTATORS:
Three three three three
ROGER:
I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE THE WAY THAT I LOVE YOU
YOU ARE STARS AND MOONS AND SUNS
AND SKIES AND CLEAR WATERS OF BLUE
DAKOTA:
YEAH BUT MAYBE THAT’S JUST POETRY
YOU’RE ONLY SIXTEEN YEARS OLD
AND STARS AND SUNS ARE THE SAME THING ANYWAY
ROGER:
OKAY OKAY
BUT I THOUGHT THIS WAS EVERYTHING
HOW COULD ANYTHING OTHER THAN TRUE LOVE FEEL THIS WAY
DAKOTA:
THEN WHY DON’T YOU SHOW ME
MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN TONIGHT
IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AND YOU JUST SIT THERE
DJ:
TWO
COMMENTATORS:
Two two two two
ROGER:
BUT I DON’T KNOW IT’S ALL TOO BIG
I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE JUST RIGHT
I CAN NEVER GET THIS MOMENT BACK
WHAT IF MY HEART’S NOT STRONG ENOUGH
WHAT IF I DON’T KNOW THE RIGHT MOVES
WHAT IF IT’S MECHANICAL AND WOODEN
DAKOTA:
OH JUST TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME
I’M READY ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US
IT’S SO SIMPLE, BE AN ANIMAL
SO MANY GUYS THINK ABOUT THIS
LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY
ROGER:
WELL I GUESS I’M JUST NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER GUYS
WELL I GUESS I’M JUST A LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE
DAKOTA:
AND I LOVE HOW SENSITIVE YOU ARE
BUT I GUESS WE’RE JUST NOT IN THE SAME PLACE ANYMORE
ROGER:
DAKOTA, ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?
DAKOTA:
I DON’T KNOW
I DON’T KNOW
DO YOU—WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ME?
YOU’RE ALL I’VE EVER KNOWN
AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THESE FEELINGS
I’M BURNING UP
OH MY STOMACH IS BUTTERFLIES
ROGER:
MINE TOO
DAKOTA, MY STOMACH IS BUTTERFLIES TOO
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
DAKOTA:
OH I DON’T KNOW
WHAT CAN WE DO?
ROGER:
I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW
IT’S ALL SO BIG
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO?
DJ:
ONE
COMMENTATORS:
One one one one
ROGER & DAKOTA:
THIS IS THE ONE LOVE OF MY LIFE
THE ONE LOVE OF MY LIFE
YOU’RE THE ONLY THING I’VE EVER KNOWN
HOW CAN I LET THAT GO
OH WHAT CAN I DO
OH WHAT CAN I DO—
DJ:
Oh for God’s sake—
(DJ shoots both DAKOTA and ROGER in the head.)
(DJ hits the AIR HORN. End of Wild West Heat.)
(Commentators in the trance.)
SAMSON:
Woo-eee!
JAYNIE:
Yes woo-eee!
SAMSON:
Just say woo-eee. Say woo-eee!
JAYNIE:
Woo-eee!
SAMSON:
Everybody out there in the square dance tonight, say "woo-eee!"
CONTESTANTS:
Woo-eee!
MO:
Ya’now! Giddy up!
SAMSON:
Makes you feel good to get down and dirty, doesn't it?
MO:
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
DJ:
EVERYBODY HERE NOW GATHER ROUND
GRAB YOUR PARTNER DON’T MAKE A SOUND
START IT OFF EASY WITH A DOSEY DOE
CHICKEN IN THE BREAD PAN PICKIN' OUT DOUGH
A RIGHT AND LEFT AROUND THE RING
WHILE THE ROOSTERS CROW AND THE BIRDIES SING
ACE OF DIAMONDS, JACK OF SPADES
MEET YOUR PARTNER AND PROMENADE
ROGER:
Do you think we’re no longer compatible?
DAKOTA:
I didn’t say that
ROGER:
But that’s what you think?
DAKOTA:
I think we’re in different places in our lives
ROGER:
Because I’m in highschool and you’re in college?
DAKOTA:
Yeah
ROGER:
So you want to break up
DAKOTA:
I don’t know!
DJ:
NOW EVERYBODY’S ALL PARTNERED OFF
SO DON’T GET SCARED AND DON’T GET SOFT
CRACK THAT WHIP, JERK THE LINE
LETS START DANCING AND HAVE A GOOD TIME
JENNY IS SWEET, AND SALLY IS A GOOD ONE
I WANT THE GIRL WITH TAPIOCA PUDDIN'
TAKE IT TOO FAST AND TAKE IT TOO FAR
IN THE BACKSEAT OF YOUR PARENT’S CAR
SLIDE SLIDE BUMP AND GRIND
KEEP IT SHALLOW, TURN OFF YOUR MIND
EVERYBODY’S DOING IT WHY CAN’T YOU
JUST LOOSEN IT UP LIKE THE BIG BOYS DO
CHORUS:
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
ROGER:
What do you want me to do?
DAKOTA:
Make a decision
ROGER:
About sex?
DAKOTA:
About everything
ROGER & DAKOTA:
I DON’T WANNA THINK ABOUT
THE MILLION THINGS THAT I’M SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT
EVERY CHOICE I MAKE FILLS ME WITH
TERROR DREAD AND NAUSEA AND DOUBT
DJ:
BOW TO YOU PARTNER AND THE CORNER MISS
TO THE OPPOSITE FELLA BLOW A BIG FAT KISS
SLAP YOUR KNEE, CORNER SALUTE
CIRCLE LEFT, GO LICKETY-SCOOT
CALL YOUR DOGS AND GRAB YOUR GUN
KEEP ON DANCIN' AND HAVIN’ SOME FUN
CAT IN THE BARN, RAT IN HER MOUTH
GRAB YOUR HONEY AND HEAD HER SOUTH
BOYS ARE STUDS AND GIRLS ARE SLUTS
AND QUEERS AREN’T EVEN S’POSED TO DO THAT STUFF
CUT OUT YOUR HEART, LEARN THE RULES
DON’T FEEL TOO MUCH KEEP IT LIGHT AND COOL
CHORUS:
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
DOSEY DOSEY DOSEY
DOSEY DOSEY DOE
DAKOTA:
Oh my god, this isn’t sustainable
ROGER:
Does that mean you want to break up?
DAKOTA:
I don’t know, do you want to break up?
ROGER:
I don’t know, do you want to break up?
DAKOTA:
I mean do you?
ROGER:
Do you?
DAKOTA:
Do you?
ROGER:
Do you?
DJ:
ENOUGH!
DAKOTA:
What?
DJ:
We’re going to try something new. An old fashioned duel
DAKOTA:
What?
DJ:
There are things you want, that you cannot have if he gets the things he wants, the getting of which would mean you are out of luck
ROGER:
What?
DJ:
Mutually exclusive blah blah blah. We’ve come to a sprint
(DJ hits the SIREN.)
DJ:
Take your guns
DAKOTA:
Guns?
ROGER:
Why guns?
DAKOTA:
I’m not taking it
DJ
You’ve got to take it
DAKOTA:
I’m not taking it
DJ:
If you don’t take it, I’ll just shoot you
DAKOTA:
What?
ROGER:
Dakota take it!
DAKOTA:
I don’t even know how to fire a gun. What? Do you?
ROGER:
Yeah, I mean, it’s part of being an Eagle Scout
DAKOTA:
What?!
DJ:
On the count of three, you’re going to turn around and fire. The winner keeps going and the loser, is, well, shot
DAKOTA
Roger, what are we going to do? Roger?
ROGER:
I’m not going to shoot you
DAKOTA:
Neither am I
DJ:
THREE
COMMENTATORS:
Three three three three
ROGER:
I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE THE WAY THAT I LOVE YOU
YOU ARE STARS AND MOONS AND SUNS
AND SKIES AND CLEAR WATERS OF BLUE
DAKOTA:
YEAH BUT MAYBE THAT’S JUST POETRY
YOU’RE ONLY SIXTEEN YEARS OLD
AND STARS AND SUNS ARE THE SAME THING ANYWAY
ROGER:
OKAY OKAY
BUT I THOUGHT THIS WAS EVERYTHING
HOW COULD ANYTHING OTHER THAN TRUE LOVE FEEL THIS WAY
DAKOTA:
THEN WHY DON’T YOU SHOW ME
MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN TONIGHT
IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AND YOU JUST SIT THERE
DJ:
TWO
COMMENTATORS:
Two two two two
ROGER:
BUT I DON’T KNOW IT’S ALL TOO BIG
I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE JUST RIGHT
I CAN NEVER GET THIS MOMENT BACK
WHAT IF MY HEART’S NOT STRONG ENOUGH
WHAT IF I DON’T KNOW THE RIGHT MOVES
WHAT IF IT’S MECHANICAL AND WOODEN
DAKOTA:
OH JUST TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME
I’M READY ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US
IT’S SO SIMPLE, BE AN ANIMAL
SO MANY GUYS THINK ABOUT THIS
LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY
ROGER:
WELL I GUESS I’M JUST NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER GUYS
WELL I GUESS I’M JUST A LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE
DAKOTA:
AND I LOVE HOW SENSITIVE YOU ARE
BUT I GUESS WE’RE JUST NOT IN THE SAME PLACE ANYMORE
ROGER:
DAKOTA, ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?
DAKOTA:
I DON’T KNOW
I DON’T KNOW
DO YOU—WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ME?
YOU’RE ALL I’VE EVER KNOWN
AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THESE FEELINGS
I’M BURNING UP
OH MY STOMACH IS BUTTERFLIES
ROGER:
MINE TOO
DAKOTA, MY STOMACH IS BUTTERFLIES TOO
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
DAKOTA:
OH I DON’T KNOW
WHAT CAN WE DO?
ROGER:
I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW
IT’S ALL SO BIG
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO?
DJ:
ONE
COMMENTATORS:
One one one one
ROGER & DAKOTA:
THIS IS THE ONE LOVE OF MY LIFE
THE ONE LOVE OF MY LIFE
YOU’RE THE ONLY THING I’VE EVER KNOWN
HOW CAN I LET THAT GO
OH WHAT CAN I DO
OH WHAT CAN I DO—
DJ:
Oh for God’s sake—
(DJ shoots both DAKOTA and ROGER in the head.)
(DJ hits the AIR HORN. End of Wild West Heat.)