Christmas Without Him by Kim McCullars Lyrics
It’s almost here whether we’re ready or not,
It doesn’t matter if I’ve bought a little or a lot.
It used to be the focus was on family,
And it still is now, although not as I have always known it to be.
Who ever imagined it would come to this,
Christmas used to be a season of total bliss.
It used to be both of us focusing on the kids and one another,
Now it’s so different, he is the one with another.
It’s harder than it once was, feeling like I have to compete with “them”,
It is far easier for them to have more and me to have feelings that condemn
I want so much to fill all of my children’s needs,
Partly because he failed to, partly due to my own selfish greed.
But I know the best thing is to focus on love,
Not the pricey possessions that each dreams of.
It would be so much nicer to feel peace in my heart,
But I have to wonder why I was forced to make a brand new start?
I wonder now what will he feel on Christmas morning,
Will it seem unnatural without the kids or even slightly boring?
My guess is no, he will feel that all his dreams have come true,
He is living the life he wants, not caring what others view.
I do know that I am not at all as angry and hurt as I once was,
But it does baffle me that any one person can do what he does.
How can a parent disregard what is best for their child,
Only to live in a way that is indulgent and wild?
I know there are others going through the same,
It’s hard to find comfort in knowing there are others just as vain.
It just seems so sad that free will can change so many people,
To the extent of pure selfishness and un-denied evil.
It is a hard way to learn the lessons of life,
by seeing your partner cause so much strife.
I trust that God knew the timing to be right,
I just never thought this man I would fight.
So many things are just so different,
Is it okay that I still buy him a present?
I certainly don’t want to step on any toes or imply anything that is not,
But how do I not think of him and pretend as if I forgot?
Will it make her feel uncomfortable or make her feel bad?
Do I really care what she thinks? She took what I had.
How can a woman come between a husband and wife?
How can she pull him from his children to whom he devoted his life?
I don’t think I can ever like the woman, who cared only for her own gain,
But it perfectly describes not only her but my old flame.
So, this Christmas they will be with each other to share,
No longer our family, no longer his care.
Do I hope they will be happy and have a wonderful Christmas day?
It really doesn’t matter. it isn’t my say.
They will have to answer to God up above
for making the choices and abandoning His love.
So, I guess I do wish them a Merry Christmas in a sense,
It would be hard to imagine all this could happen and the grass not be greener on the other side of the fence.
And, although I cannot completely see the reason for life to so dramatically change,
I know it is going to be okay, for each day it is less strange.
This Holiday will be hard in many ways because I am still healing,
And because of that I still carry so many feelings.
But, what I plan to focus on is my family as it is now,
That’s what’s important, not what was lost or how.
There is still so much love and nothing can change that,
So Christmas will be as it should right where it’s at.
It doesn’t matter if I’ve bought a little or a lot.
It used to be the focus was on family,
And it still is now, although not as I have always known it to be.
Who ever imagined it would come to this,
Christmas used to be a season of total bliss.
It used to be both of us focusing on the kids and one another,
Now it’s so different, he is the one with another.
It’s harder than it once was, feeling like I have to compete with “them”,
It is far easier for them to have more and me to have feelings that condemn
I want so much to fill all of my children’s needs,
Partly because he failed to, partly due to my own selfish greed.
But I know the best thing is to focus on love,
Not the pricey possessions that each dreams of.
It would be so much nicer to feel peace in my heart,
But I have to wonder why I was forced to make a brand new start?
I wonder now what will he feel on Christmas morning,
Will it seem unnatural without the kids or even slightly boring?
My guess is no, he will feel that all his dreams have come true,
He is living the life he wants, not caring what others view.
I do know that I am not at all as angry and hurt as I once was,
But it does baffle me that any one person can do what he does.
How can a parent disregard what is best for their child,
Only to live in a way that is indulgent and wild?
I know there are others going through the same,
It’s hard to find comfort in knowing there are others just as vain.
It just seems so sad that free will can change so many people,
To the extent of pure selfishness and un-denied evil.
It is a hard way to learn the lessons of life,
by seeing your partner cause so much strife.
I trust that God knew the timing to be right,
I just never thought this man I would fight.
So many things are just so different,
Is it okay that I still buy him a present?
I certainly don’t want to step on any toes or imply anything that is not,
But how do I not think of him and pretend as if I forgot?
Will it make her feel uncomfortable or make her feel bad?
Do I really care what she thinks? She took what I had.
How can a woman come between a husband and wife?
How can she pull him from his children to whom he devoted his life?
I don’t think I can ever like the woman, who cared only for her own gain,
But it perfectly describes not only her but my old flame.
So, this Christmas they will be with each other to share,
No longer our family, no longer his care.
Do I hope they will be happy and have a wonderful Christmas day?
It really doesn’t matter. it isn’t my say.
They will have to answer to God up above
for making the choices and abandoning His love.
So, I guess I do wish them a Merry Christmas in a sense,
It would be hard to imagine all this could happen and the grass not be greener on the other side of the fence.
And, although I cannot completely see the reason for life to so dramatically change,
I know it is going to be okay, for each day it is less strange.
This Holiday will be hard in many ways because I am still healing,
And because of that I still carry so many feelings.
But, what I plan to focus on is my family as it is now,
That’s what’s important, not what was lost or how.
There is still so much love and nothing can change that,
So Christmas will be as it should right where it’s at.