Put It On A Plate by John Finnemore Lyrics
[Spoken: John & Simon]
Table for one, sir?
Ah, yes, please, thanks
This one?
Er, perfect
Great, I'll bring you a menu
Thanks - ooh, there is...just one thing, though...
[Intro: John]
When I come to your restaurant, I do not ask for much
I don’t care if the food is late and chilly to the touch
Serve it tough or serve it raw, and I won’t really mind
There’s just one thing I ask of you if you would be so kind
Please won’t you...
[Chorus 1: John]
Put it on a plate
Put it on a plate
For Pete’s sake
Put it on a plate
I don’t want it on breadboard, though I know that’s all the rage
I don’t need my chips imprisoned in a little silver cage
I don’t want it in a mess tin, I don’t want it in a crate
It’s a pork and onion pasty, please just put it on a plate
[Verse 1: John]
A plate is flat and circular, a plate has got a brim
It curves up at the edges, which helps keep the gravy in
The Chinese first came up with them 3000 years ago
If they think up something better I’ll be sure to let you know
Meanwhile...
[Chorus 2: John]
Put it on a plate
Put it on a plate
For Pete’s sake
Put it on a plate
I don’t want a cup of carrots, I don’t want a pint of peas
I don’t want a vintage bed pan full of macaroni cheese
I don’t want it on a roof tile I don’t want it on a slate
It’s a pecan pie and custard, please just put it on a plate
[Verse 2: John]
It may not be original, but I don’t really care
I don’t need my mind blown by the sodding tableware
And should I have a drink with it as you may well have guessed
I have in that regard a not dissimilar request
Won’t you just...
[Chorus 3: John]
Give it in a glass
Give it in a glass
For God’s sake
Give it in a glass
I don’t want it in a tea cup if it’s not a cup of tea
I don’t want it in a jam jar 'cause I’m not a sodding bee
I don’t want it in a test-tube, I don’t want it in a flask
It’s a sodding Gin and Tonic please just give it in a glass
[Finale: John]
Put it on a plate
Give it in a glass
Plate, glass, plate, glass
Plate, plate, plate, plate, glass
Drinks belong in glasses, food goes on a plate
It’s the breadboards and the beakers that have brought me to this state
When I’m in a cell that’s padded and a jacket that is strait
And they bring me bread and water please just
Put! It! On! A! Plate!
Table for one, sir?
Ah, yes, please, thanks
This one?
Er, perfect
Great, I'll bring you a menu
Thanks - ooh, there is...just one thing, though...
[Intro: John]
When I come to your restaurant, I do not ask for much
I don’t care if the food is late and chilly to the touch
Serve it tough or serve it raw, and I won’t really mind
There’s just one thing I ask of you if you would be so kind
Please won’t you...
[Chorus 1: John]
Put it on a plate
Put it on a plate
For Pete’s sake
Put it on a plate
I don’t want it on breadboard, though I know that’s all the rage
I don’t need my chips imprisoned in a little silver cage
I don’t want it in a mess tin, I don’t want it in a crate
It’s a pork and onion pasty, please just put it on a plate
[Verse 1: John]
A plate is flat and circular, a plate has got a brim
It curves up at the edges, which helps keep the gravy in
The Chinese first came up with them 3000 years ago
If they think up something better I’ll be sure to let you know
Meanwhile...
[Chorus 2: John]
Put it on a plate
Put it on a plate
For Pete’s sake
Put it on a plate
I don’t want a cup of carrots, I don’t want a pint of peas
I don’t want a vintage bed pan full of macaroni cheese
I don’t want it on a roof tile I don’t want it on a slate
It’s a pecan pie and custard, please just put it on a plate
[Verse 2: John]
It may not be original, but I don’t really care
I don’t need my mind blown by the sodding tableware
And should I have a drink with it as you may well have guessed
I have in that regard a not dissimilar request
Won’t you just...
[Chorus 3: John]
Give it in a glass
Give it in a glass
For God’s sake
Give it in a glass
I don’t want it in a tea cup if it’s not a cup of tea
I don’t want it in a jam jar 'cause I’m not a sodding bee
I don’t want it in a test-tube, I don’t want it in a flask
It’s a sodding Gin and Tonic please just give it in a glass
[Finale: John]
Put it on a plate
Give it in a glass
Plate, glass, plate, glass
Plate, plate, plate, plate, glass
Drinks belong in glasses, food goes on a plate
It’s the breadboards and the beakers that have brought me to this state
When I’m in a cell that’s padded and a jacket that is strait
And they bring me bread and water please just
Put! It! On! A! Plate!