Dr. Hackenbush by Groucho Marx Lyrics
[Intro: Choir]
So this is Dr. Hackenbush, the famous medico
You're welcome Dr. Hackenbush!
(If that's the case, I'll go)
Oh no, you mustn't go!
(Who said I mustn't go?
The only reason that I came is so that I can go)
[Chorus: Hackenbush]
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
My medical standing's very high
Well anyways, ladies and gentlemen I
Am Dr. Hackenbush
(He's Dr. Hackenbush!)
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
As a matter of fact, to be exact
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
[Verse 1: Hackenbush]
(I'm sure that they'd all like to hear
Some facts about your great career)
Although my horn I hate to blow
There's one thing that you ought to know
[Chorus: Hackenbush]
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
Which all my friends will verify
Well anyways, ladies and gentlemen I
Am Dr. Hackenbush
(He's Dr. Hackenbush!)
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
You never would guess, but nevertheless
I'm Dr. Hackenbush!
[Verse 2: Hackenbush]
For ailments abdominal, my charge is a nominal
Though I'm great for, I've a rate for tonsillectomy
Sick and healthy, poor and wealthy, come direct to me
"Oh, God bless you!" they yell
When I send them home well
But they never, no they never send a check to me
I've won a claim for curing ills, both in the north and south
You'll find my name just like my pills: In everybody's mouth
I've never lost a case (he's never lost a case!)
I've lost a lot of patience but I've never lost a case
My diagnosis never fails, I know just what to do
Whenever anybody ails, I'm sympathetic too
My heart within me melts (his heart within him melts!)
No matter what I treat them for, they die from something else
[Bridge: Hackenbush]
When your nerves start to rock, put your faith in your doc
When you're sick, he will stick to the end
With the possible exception of your mother
A doctor's a man's best friend
(Yes, a doctor's a man's best friend)
A doctor's a man's best friend, oh
A doctor's a man's best friend
(A doctor is a man's best friend)
A doctor is a man's best friend
Right or wrong, wrong or right
Night and day, day and night
On his call you can always depend
With the possible exception of your mother and your father
And your uncles and your brothers
And your nephews and your nieces
And your sisters and your cousins
Whom you number by the dozens
A doctor is a man's best friend
So this is Dr. Hackenbush, the famous medico
You're welcome Dr. Hackenbush!
(If that's the case, I'll go)
Oh no, you mustn't go!
(Who said I mustn't go?
The only reason that I came is so that I can go)
[Chorus: Hackenbush]
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
My medical standing's very high
Well anyways, ladies and gentlemen I
Am Dr. Hackenbush
(He's Dr. Hackenbush!)
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
As a matter of fact, to be exact
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
[Verse 1: Hackenbush]
(I'm sure that they'd all like to hear
Some facts about your great career)
Although my horn I hate to blow
There's one thing that you ought to know
[Chorus: Hackenbush]
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
Which all my friends will verify
Well anyways, ladies and gentlemen I
Am Dr. Hackenbush
(He's Dr. Hackenbush!)
I'm Dr. Hackenbush
You never would guess, but nevertheless
I'm Dr. Hackenbush!
[Verse 2: Hackenbush]
For ailments abdominal, my charge is a nominal
Though I'm great for, I've a rate for tonsillectomy
Sick and healthy, poor and wealthy, come direct to me
"Oh, God bless you!" they yell
When I send them home well
But they never, no they never send a check to me
I've won a claim for curing ills, both in the north and south
You'll find my name just like my pills: In everybody's mouth
I've never lost a case (he's never lost a case!)
I've lost a lot of patience but I've never lost a case
My diagnosis never fails, I know just what to do
Whenever anybody ails, I'm sympathetic too
My heart within me melts (his heart within him melts!)
No matter what I treat them for, they die from something else
[Bridge: Hackenbush]
When your nerves start to rock, put your faith in your doc
When you're sick, he will stick to the end
With the possible exception of your mother
A doctor's a man's best friend
(Yes, a doctor's a man's best friend)
A doctor's a man's best friend, oh
A doctor's a man's best friend
(A doctor is a man's best friend)
A doctor is a man's best friend
Right or wrong, wrong or right
Night and day, day and night
On his call you can always depend
With the possible exception of your mother and your father
And your uncles and your brothers
And your nephews and your nieces
And your sisters and your cousins
Whom you number by the dozens
A doctor is a man's best friend