The Series Has Landed by Futurama Lyrics
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry, Bender and Leela sit around a big green table facing a big screen which Farnsworth stands in front of.]
FARNSWORTH
As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I paid to have it air during the Superbowl.
FRY
Wow!
FARNSWORTH
Not on the same channel, of course.
[He puts a tiny video into the VCR and the commercial appears on the screen. A man is sat in his office and a huge green horrible gelatinous blob with three eyes is in front of him.]
ANNOUNCER
Interplanetary deliveries - what a headache!
MAN
Uh... (shouting) I'm not Evans!
[Horrible Gelatinous Blob turns to the camera.]
ANNOUNCER
When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go, trust Planet Express for reliable, on time delivery.
[As the announcer speaks the Planet Express ship streaks across the screen being chased by spaceships shooting lasers at it. A man runs across an ice world with a parcel while at the same time being bombed. He delivers the parcel and is snatched by a gigantic vulture. Back in the office Evans lifts up a parcel.]
EVANS
Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob.
[He eats Evans anyway.]
EVANS
Thank you, sir!
[The Planet Express logo - a simplified picture of the ship flying across a white circle with "Planet Express" written around it - appears on the screen.]
ANNOUNCER
Planet Express: Our crew is replaceable. Your package isn't.
[The bird is still carrying the man and squaks. The commercial ends.]
FRY
Are there really giant birds like that?
FARNSWORTH
No, no! That was all just special effects! Now let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.
[Cut to: Planet Expresss: Kitchen. Farnsworth opens a box of eggs. They are giant bird eggs. One hatches and the bird inside tries to eat him. He hits it with a frying pan.]
[Opening Credits. Caption: In Hypno-Vision.]
[Outside Planet Express. A Jamaican man with dreads crosses the street. He is wearing a green suit and glasses. He unlocks the door and turns the open sign around from "Sorry, We're Closed" to "Sorry, We're Open".]
[Cut to: Planet Express. Meeting Room. Fry, Bender, Farnsworth and Leela are sat around the table. Fry pours some cereal into a bowl, Bender relaxes and Leela looks at a clipboard.]
FRY
I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
LEELA
Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.
[She holds up a box of the cereal. Enter the Jamaican man with a large crate.]
FARNSWORTH
Ah, Hermes! Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business, pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.
HERMES
Someone came and dropped this package through the slot last night. Now which one of you is the captain?
FARNSWORTH
Oh, my! I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose.
[He looks around the table. Fry is so enthusiastic he doesn't manage to swallow his spoonful of cereal and completely and milk dribbles down his chin.]
[Farnsworth looks at Bender who drinks back a bottle of beer and belches a flame. He looks at Leela. She has already signed Hermes' clipboard and she salutes to him.]
FARNSWORTH
Hmm, you!
[He points at her. Fry groans.]
[Planet Express: Hermes' Office. Hermes sits at his desk facing Leela. He slides a sheet of paper to her.]
HERMES
OK, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen.
[He hands Leela a piece of paper.]
LEELA
(reading) Death by airlock failure.
HERMES
Mmm.
LEELA
(reading) Death by brain parasite.
HERMES
Yeah.
LEELA
(reading) Death by sonic diarrhoea?
HERMES
(chuckling) Oh, you don't want that!
LEELA
Look, I don't know about any of your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.
[She puts the form on the desk and Hermes chuckles again. He slides it back to her.]
HERMES
Sign the paper!
[Planet Express: Corridor. Farnsworth and Fry stand next to a door.]
FARNSWORTH
Now Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you though, he's a little unusual. (whispering) He wears sandals!
[Cut to: Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. The doctor, a red alien creature is sat in his chair with his feet on the desk. Behind him is a chart of a human's internal organs - pinned to the wall upside down.]
FRY
Hi -- eurgh!
FARNSWORTH
Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical.
ZOIDBERG
Excellent, excellent!
[He clacks his claws. Fry is not so sure.]
FARNSWORTH
You'll be fine.
[He turns to leave but looks back with a worried look on his face.]
ZOIDBERG
Now open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No no no no no not that mouth!
FRY
I only have one.
ZOIDBERG
Really?
[He takes a small card out of his pocket and looks at it.]
FRY
Uh, is there a human doctor around?
ZOIDBERG
Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say... What? My mother was a saint! Get out!
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth is unscrewing Bender's head from his body. With them is Leela and a young Asian woman wearing a pink jumpsuit.]
FARNSWORTH
Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.
BENDER
Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck!
[Farnsworth puts Bender's head down on a table and turns to the girl.]
FARNSWORTH
Amy, why don't you give his body a going over with the cleaning pick?
AMY
OK. Does it hurt when I go like this?
[She pokes Bender's neck but hits Leela in the eye instead.]
LEELA
Ow!
BENDER
A little.
[Enter Fry]
FRY
Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now?
FARNSWORTH
As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry, this is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. (whispering) I like having her around because she's the same blood type as me.
AMY
Hey! You're the unfrozen guy! From the 20th century, right?
FRY
(chuffed) Last time I checked.
LEELA
Hang on. Amy Wong? Of the Mars Wongs?
AMY
Look. We're not as rich as everybody says.
LEELA
Uh-huh! What sorority do you belong to?
AMY
(ashamed) Kappa Kappa Wong.
BENDER
Hey, rich girl. Look over here! It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining (singing) La la la look at my head. It's all painted look at my head! I got a big old head, hey! (talking) Alright, show's over, I'm tired.
FARNSWORTH
Ah, to be young again. And also a robot! Now as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver.
FRY
Finally! Come on Bender, let's mosey!
[He picks up Bender's head and throws it to his body. It misses the catch and Bender's head falls on the floor.]
BENDER
Nice catch, idiot!
[Planet Express: Hangar. The crate is being loaded into the ships cargo bay on a magnetic winch. It is addressed to Luna Park.]
FRY
So where are we going anyway?
LEELA
Nowhere special. The moon.
FRY
The moon? The moon moon? Wow! I'm gonna be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of!
AMY
Oh, I love stuff like the moon! Can I come, Leela?
LEELA
Well...I guess so. Just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screwups until at least my second day as captain.
FARNSWORTH
Nothing will go wrong. (whispering) If something goes wrong bring back the blood.
[Ships Cockpit. Bender and Amy are sat on the couch. Leela sits in the pilot's seat while Fry sits in a chair beside her. She presses some buttons.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The tilting mechanism comes out of the floor and pushes the ship into its 45-degree launch position.]
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The hangar roof slides open.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry scoots his chair over to Leela.]
FRY
Can I do the countdown?
LEELA
Huh? Oh sure, knock yourself out.
FRY
Ten.....nine
LEELA
Ok we're here!
FRY
(awestruck) Eightsevensixfivefourthreetwooneblastoff!
[The ship cruises towards the moon and flies through a hole in a dome on the surface.]
[Cut to: Outside Luna Park. The ship lands.]
[Cut to: Ships cockpit. Leela takes the keys out of the ignition and Fry gets out of his seat and heads for the door.]
FRY
Hurry up, I wanna see the moon!
LEELA
Relax, it's open till 9.
[Cut to: Outside Ship. Fry stands on the bottom step.]
FRY
That's one small step for Fry..
MAN
And one giant line for admission!
[The man is standing in a long queue for the Luna Park, a huge Disneyland-like place with moon-themed rides.]
FRY
Wow! Um, can I have cuts?
MAN
Hmm.. No!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry runs in]
FRY
You're not gonna believe this but they landed an amusement park on the moon!
AMY
Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth.
FRY
Let's go, already!
[They walk towards the door but Leela is blocking it.]
LEELA
Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
FRY
Let's just jump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
BENDER
Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.
LEELA
OK, if everyone's finished being stupid...
FRY
I had more but you go ahead.
LEELA
We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home.
FRY
But I've never been to the moon before.
[Leela sighs.]
LEELA
Alright. We'll deliver that crate like professionals...and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate. Then lock up when you're done. Just be careful.
[She hands the keys to Amy.]
AMY
Aye, aye, Captain! I mean only one eye. I mean, yes, sir, um, ma'am!
[Ships Cargo Bay. Fry stands next to the crate by the open bomb bay doors while Amy stands at the magnetic winch control station.]
AMY
Clear?
FRY
Clear!
AMY
Ready to hoist?
FRY
Ready!
[Amy presses a button and the winch drops and hits her on the head.]
AMY
Ow!
[The magnetic forces pull the keys out of her pocket. She tries again and the winch picks up the crate. The keys slip off the winch and through a hole in the crate.]
[Outside Luna Park Receiving Depot. Fry wheels the crate towards the room on a trolley. Amy follows.]
FRY
My first space delivery.
[Cut to: Luna Park Receiving Depot. A lazy man named Sal is sat at a desk with his feet up. Enter Fry.]
FRY
Uh, greetings, Moon Man, we come in peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.
SAL
Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.
FRY
But you are lazy, right?
SAL
Oh, don't get me started.
[Luna Park: Moon Street USA. The crew walk past a band of bandbots that are shaped like musical instruments, past a Moonvenirs stall. Bender stops and takes a bottle out of his chest cabinet and a mascot with a huge flat moon-shaped head runs up behind him.]
CRATER FACE
Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir.
BENDER
Better mascots than you have tried.
[He finishes the bottle and jabs it in Crater Face's eye making it look like a scene from A Trip to the Moon. He leaves.]
CRATER FACE
At least I still have my self-respect!
[He chuckles to himself then cries.]
[Time Lapse. At a souvenir stall they merchandise such as "I'm With Stupid On The Moon" t-shirts, "My Other Car Is A Porsche - On The Moon" bumper stickers and "What Part of MOON Don't You Understand?" fridge magnets. Leela scoffs.]
LEELA
Who buys this trash?
Bender
Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.
[Fry emerges from around the corner wearing one of the t-shirts and carrying magnets.]
FRY
Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets.
[He puts one on Bender's head causing Bender's pupils to dilate and an electrical surge in his head. He starts waving his arms around in a panic.]
BENDER
Get it off! Get it off! Get it.. uh oh! (singing) How many roads must a man walk down, before you... (talking) Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit!
FRY
So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?
BENDER
Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna be a folk singer.
[He gazes upwards sadly.]
[Luna Park: Whalers Of The Sea Of Tranquillity. The gang float through an It's A Small World After All-like ride passing by robotic whalers.]
WHALERBOTS
(singing)
We're whalers on the moon
We carry a harpoon
But there ain't no whales so we tell our tall tale
And sing our whaling tune!
[A Whalerbot tilting on a barrel waves to Bender.]
WHALERBOT
Bender, hey, Bender! Over here!
[Bender covers his face and turns away.]
BENDER
Oh, jeez, I went to high school with that guy!
[Luna Park: Goophy Gopher Revue. The audience sit patiently for the show to begin.]
ANNOUNCER
Monsanto presents: The Goophy Gopher Revue!
[On a small stage several robotic gophers pop out of crater-shaped holes.]
GOPHER #1
Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
GOPHER #2
Because it's a little meteor!
[The gophers laugh.]
FRY
This is weak!
GOPHER #1
Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.
[Luna Park. The crew get some candy floss from an Orlon Candy stall and carry on walking around the park. Fry looks unhappy.]
LEELA
What's wrong, Fry?
FRY
I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth. That's what I came to see! I wanna go out there and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phoney stuff!
LEELA
But the phoney stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there.
BENDER
Yeah! You're the kind of guy who visits Jerusalem and doesn't want to see the Sexeteria!
LEELA
Maybe I should take Fry on the Luna Rover ride. You get to wear a space suit and drive around on the surface. And the line' short because it's educational.
FRY
I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it!
[He runs off with Leela. Bender raises his bottle.]
BENDER
(shouting) Next year in Jerusalem!
[Luna Park: Destination Moon. Fry and Leela sit in a moon buggy wearing orange spacesuits.]
FRY
Finally! Get ready for some serious moon action.
[They go through some doors.]
NARRATOR
(voice-over) The story of lunar exploration started with one man. A man with a dream.
[The ride continues to a room with animatronic versions of the leads from The Honeymooners.]
RALPH KRAMDENBOT
One of these days, Alice. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon!
LEELA
Wow, I never realised the first astronauts were so fat!
FRY
That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian. And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.
[Luna Park Arcade. Amy is playing Virtual Virtual Skeeball, a virtual version of Virtual Skeeball. She just sits in a chair wearing a VR helmet.]
AMY
Wow! I could swear I was really playing virtual skeeball! Hm?
[She takes the helmet off.]
BENDER
Look, it's that crate we were gonna throw in the sewer.
[He points to Sal who is emptying the crate into a claw machine using a robot arm around his waist. They watch as the ship keys fall out of the crate and into the machine. Amy gasps.]
AMY
The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate! Leela's gonna kill me!
BENDER
Nah. She'll probably make me do it.
AMY
Mister? Could you please get those keys out for me?
SAL
What do I look like? A guy who's not lazy?
[Amy gets a coin out and plays the game. The claw grabs the keys but drops them on the way back up and she curses in Chinese.]
[Luna Park: Destination Moon. The moon buggy continues across lunar terrain, boxed in with poorly constructed walls with stars painted on them.]
NARRATOR
(voice-over) No one knows where, when or how Man first landed on the moon...
FRY
I do.
NARRATOR
(voice-over) ...but our fungineers think it might have happened something like this:
[A prop of a lunar landing module opens up and Whalerbots file out of it.]
WHALERBOTS
(singing) We're whalers on the moon
[Goophy Gophers pop up from craters.]
GOPHERS
(singing) We carry a harpoon
LEELA
(singing) ...and sing a whaling tune.
We're whalers on the moon...
FRY
That's now how it happened.
LEELA
Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree!
FRY
This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real moon.
LEELA
Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not gonna let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track.
FRY
Not for long!
[He grabs a harpoon, throws it in front of the buggy and derails it. It drivers over a whalerbot and out onto the open lunar surface.]
WHALERBOT
Ooh ahh! I died doin' what I loved.
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry drives the car around grinning.]
LEELA
OK, you're on the surface. Now I'll give you 10 minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologise for being such a jerk. Agreed?
FRY
Agreed. Yee-haw! Woo! Yeah! Crank up the radio!
[He turns the radio on.]
WHALERBOTS
We're whalers on the...
[He turns it off straight away.]
[Time Lapse. Fry drives around another crater.]
FRY
Yee-haw!
LEELA
Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater.
FRY
No not yet. How 'bout we go look for the original moon landing site?
LEELA
That's crazy! It's been lost for centuries!
FRY
Well I'm feelin' lucky! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.
[Time Lapse.]
FRY
We're gonna die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! You did it! We're safe!
LEELA
No. Now we're gonna die.
[The gauge on the oxygen canister reads nearly empty.]
FRY
It's every man for himself.
[He tries to run off but chokes himself on the oxygen pipe from his helmet.]
[Luna Park: Arcade. Amy is still trying to get the keys but the claw drops them again. Enter Bender with a small doll.]
BENDER
Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket!
AMY
Shut up. You're distracting me.
BENDER
Come on, it's just like making love. Y'know: Left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor.
AMY
I know how to make love!
[The claw drops the keys again. Amy sighs.]
BENDER
Here, let me do it. Ah, lousy arm. Must be rigged! That's her, officers! Uh, that's the woman who programmed me for evil!
[He runs off with his extended arm trailing behind him and the Moon Patrol chase him.]
[Cut to: Outside Lunar Park Dome. The Moon Patrol Officers throw Bender outside the dome and close the doors behind him.]
BENDER
Yeah, well, I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!
[Lunar Surface. An exhausted Fry and Leela continue their journey back to the park.]
FRY
(gasping) I'm sorry, Leela, I can't go on any further. Just leave me to die in that barn over there.
[Leela gasps. Fry is pointing to a farm in a dome.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. Fry and Leela run in and take off their space helmets, panting.]
LEELA
Thank God!
[Behind them a gun cocks. They turn around and see a farmer. He has a buck tooth and a cap that says "The Moon Shall Rise Again".]
FARMER
Trespassers, eh?
FRY
No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.
FARMER
Ooh, that's a wicked sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's OK, but the rest is mighty wicked.
LEELA
Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some?
FARMER
Huh, borry? Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sun up.
FRY
I guess we could do chores for a few hours.
LEELA
Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon.
FARMER
Yup. Drops down to -173!
FRY
Fahrenheit or Celsius?
FARMER
First one, then th'other. And them spacesuits ain't a-heated so you ain't goin' nowhere 'til sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. Just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters. Y'hear?
FRY
Robot daughters?
[He points to his robot daughters outside the house.]
FARMER
This here is Lulabelle 7.
LULABELLE 7
Yoo-hoo!
FARMER
Daisy-Mae 128K.
DAISY-MAE 128K
Yoo-hoo!
FARMER
And the crushinator.
[The Crushinator is a huge pink thing with tracks instead of legs.]
CRUSHINATOR
(mechanical voice) Yoo-hoo.
FRY
Whoa!
[Barn. Fry and Leela are milking some cows.]
LEELA
I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no, the park was too phoney. We had to see the real moon.
FRY
And it was great! We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and, and these fellas.
[He pats the cow, which isn't acow but some sort of insect-bovine creature called a buggalo.]
LEELA
Fry, face it. The moon is a dump. It's a boring dried up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that?
FRY
I guess I can't.
[They hear a shot from the outside. They look through the transparent barn doors and see Bender running out of the farmhouse.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. The farmer chases him out of the house waving his rifle.]
FARMER
I'll learn ye to sleep with my robot daughters!
[Bender runs into the barn.]
[Cut to: Barn. He leans against the transparent door. Outside the farmer reloads his gun.]
BENDER
He'll never find me in here.
LEELA
Bender?
FRY
Oh, Bender. You didn't touch the crushinator, did you?
BENDER
Of course not. A lady that fine you gotta romance first.
[Another gunshot smashes the barn door behind Bender. Bender legs it while the farmer reloads. Fry and Leela follow him through another door. They pick up their helmets as they run.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. They grab some oxygen tanks and get into the moon buggy.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The buggy speeds away from the farm. The farmer, in a spacesuit but with his cap sat on top, Lulabelle 7 and Daisy-Mae 128K run after them. The farmer fires a shot at them and misses.]
FARMER
Oh, no you don't! C'mere Crushinator.
[Crushinator drives out of the farm and pulls up beside him.]
CRUSHINATOR
(mechanical voice) Yes, Pa.
[She transforms into a car. The farmer and his other two daughters get in and drive after Fry, Leela and Bender. They chase the crew around past craters and through ravines. The farmer takes a shot at the crew and narrowly misses them. The crew round a corner and find their way blocked by a rock bridge.]
FRY
It's too low.
LEELA
Hang on. Hang on. Jump. Hold on to your helmet!
[They jump the gorge, flying over crocodiles with space helmets and land safely on the other side. They all cheer and then a wheel falls off the buggy. The Crushinator approaches the other side and stops. The farmer climbs out and slams the door.]
FARMER
God darn it, Crushinator, jump!
CRUSHINATOR
(mechanical voice) No, Pa. I love him.
[The farmer takes his hat off and jumps on it, groaning. Leela looks at the broken wheel and Fry sees a huge shadow approaching.]
FRY
Hey, cool! Dark side of the moon!
[Leela gasps.]
LEELA
Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze.
[They flee from the shadow.]
BENDER
What do you mean "we", mammal?
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. He watches the crew through a telescope.]
FARNSWORTH
Oh, dear! I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pyjamas.
[He falls asleep and starts snoring.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry and Leela are panting.]
LEELA
We can't outrun it forever.
[Fry sees something.]
FRY
Over there! Look! It's the moon landing site! We found it!
[They run towards it. Leela climbs the ladder and pushes over the hatch.]
LEELA
Quick, get in.
[Fry sees the American Flag.]
FRY
It's that flag from MTV! and Neil Armstrong's footprint! Hey! My foot's bigger! Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen?
LEELA
Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now get in here before you freeze.
[Fry sighs and climbs the ladder.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander. Leela helps him in.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. She closes the door just as Bender arrives.]
BENDER
Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I'll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.
[He walks off.]
[Apollo 11 Lander. Leela reads the oxygen gauge.]
LEELA
Well if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.
FRY
Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here.
LEELA
That's right, you shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is.
[Fry sighs.]
FRY
I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades. Nor the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot and nobody liked spending a week with me.
LEELA
A week would be a little much.
FRY
The moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing, hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it, no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes, the way I used to.
[Leela looks through a window. She sees the Earth.]
LEELA
Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.
[Bender runs towards the capsule.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The farmer is chasing him in a weird thing with spikes.]
FARMER
Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well I got you this time.
[The spikes get closer to Bender. The Planet Express ship swoops in above them. The magnetic winch lowers towards Bender.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander.]
FRY
It's Amy! We're saved!
LEELA
Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy is operating the winch expertly, having had practice at the Luna Park with the claw game. The toys from the game are piled up in the corner.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The winch is getting closer to Bender.]
BENDER
Not the magnet! No! No! Nooo... Uh-oh!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy cheers.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface: Bender kicks his legs and waves his arms around as he flies away from the farmer attached to the winch.]
BENDER
(singing)
She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes
She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes
(talking) I'll kill you Amy!
(singing)
She'll be comin' round the mountain
She'll be comin' round the mountain
She'll be comin'
[He slamds into the side of the lunar lander and it takes off. The faremr watches the ship fly away and takes off his space helmet and jumps on it.]
FARMER
Aww, dang it!
[He starts to choke then collapses. He reaches over to the helmet and puts it back on and breathes. Bender, still attached to the side of the lander, carries on singing.]
BENDER
(singing)
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes
(talking) Hey, I'm pretty good!
(singing)
She'll be riding six white horses...
LEELA
So, Fry, was the real moon anything like that moon you used to dream about?
FRY
Well, close enough!
THE END
BENDER
Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes
When she comes!
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world
I'll be blastin' all the humans
I'll be blastin' all the humans
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world
In the world!
(shouting) One more time!
FARNSWORTH
As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I paid to have it air during the Superbowl.
FRY
Wow!
FARNSWORTH
Not on the same channel, of course.
[He puts a tiny video into the VCR and the commercial appears on the screen. A man is sat in his office and a huge green horrible gelatinous blob with three eyes is in front of him.]
ANNOUNCER
Interplanetary deliveries - what a headache!
MAN
Uh... (shouting) I'm not Evans!
[Horrible Gelatinous Blob turns to the camera.]
ANNOUNCER
When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go, trust Planet Express for reliable, on time delivery.
[As the announcer speaks the Planet Express ship streaks across the screen being chased by spaceships shooting lasers at it. A man runs across an ice world with a parcel while at the same time being bombed. He delivers the parcel and is snatched by a gigantic vulture. Back in the office Evans lifts up a parcel.]
EVANS
Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob.
[He eats Evans anyway.]
EVANS
Thank you, sir!
[The Planet Express logo - a simplified picture of the ship flying across a white circle with "Planet Express" written around it - appears on the screen.]
ANNOUNCER
Planet Express: Our crew is replaceable. Your package isn't.
[The bird is still carrying the man and squaks. The commercial ends.]
FRY
Are there really giant birds like that?
FARNSWORTH
No, no! That was all just special effects! Now let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.
[Cut to: Planet Expresss: Kitchen. Farnsworth opens a box of eggs. They are giant bird eggs. One hatches and the bird inside tries to eat him. He hits it with a frying pan.]
[Opening Credits. Caption: In Hypno-Vision.]
[Outside Planet Express. A Jamaican man with dreads crosses the street. He is wearing a green suit and glasses. He unlocks the door and turns the open sign around from "Sorry, We're Closed" to "Sorry, We're Open".]
[Cut to: Planet Express. Meeting Room. Fry, Bender, Farnsworth and Leela are sat around the table. Fry pours some cereal into a bowl, Bender relaxes and Leela looks at a clipboard.]
FRY
I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
LEELA
Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.
[She holds up a box of the cereal. Enter the Jamaican man with a large crate.]
FARNSWORTH
Ah, Hermes! Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business, pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.
HERMES
Someone came and dropped this package through the slot last night. Now which one of you is the captain?
FARNSWORTH
Oh, my! I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose.
[He looks around the table. Fry is so enthusiastic he doesn't manage to swallow his spoonful of cereal and completely and milk dribbles down his chin.]
[Farnsworth looks at Bender who drinks back a bottle of beer and belches a flame. He looks at Leela. She has already signed Hermes' clipboard and she salutes to him.]
FARNSWORTH
Hmm, you!
[He points at her. Fry groans.]
[Planet Express: Hermes' Office. Hermes sits at his desk facing Leela. He slides a sheet of paper to her.]
HERMES
OK, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen.
[He hands Leela a piece of paper.]
LEELA
(reading) Death by airlock failure.
HERMES
Mmm.
LEELA
(reading) Death by brain parasite.
HERMES
Yeah.
LEELA
(reading) Death by sonic diarrhoea?
HERMES
(chuckling) Oh, you don't want that!
LEELA
Look, I don't know about any of your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.
[She puts the form on the desk and Hermes chuckles again. He slides it back to her.]
HERMES
Sign the paper!
[Planet Express: Corridor. Farnsworth and Fry stand next to a door.]
FARNSWORTH
Now Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you though, he's a little unusual. (whispering) He wears sandals!
[Cut to: Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. The doctor, a red alien creature is sat in his chair with his feet on the desk. Behind him is a chart of a human's internal organs - pinned to the wall upside down.]
FRY
Hi -- eurgh!
FARNSWORTH
Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical.
ZOIDBERG
Excellent, excellent!
[He clacks his claws. Fry is not so sure.]
FARNSWORTH
You'll be fine.
[He turns to leave but looks back with a worried look on his face.]
ZOIDBERG
Now open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No no no no no not that mouth!
FRY
I only have one.
ZOIDBERG
Really?
[He takes a small card out of his pocket and looks at it.]
FRY
Uh, is there a human doctor around?
ZOIDBERG
Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say... What? My mother was a saint! Get out!
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth is unscrewing Bender's head from his body. With them is Leela and a young Asian woman wearing a pink jumpsuit.]
FARNSWORTH
Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.
BENDER
Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck!
[Farnsworth puts Bender's head down on a table and turns to the girl.]
FARNSWORTH
Amy, why don't you give his body a going over with the cleaning pick?
AMY
OK. Does it hurt when I go like this?
[She pokes Bender's neck but hits Leela in the eye instead.]
LEELA
Ow!
BENDER
A little.
[Enter Fry]
FRY
Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now?
FARNSWORTH
As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry, this is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. (whispering) I like having her around because she's the same blood type as me.
AMY
Hey! You're the unfrozen guy! From the 20th century, right?
FRY
(chuffed) Last time I checked.
LEELA
Hang on. Amy Wong? Of the Mars Wongs?
AMY
Look. We're not as rich as everybody says.
LEELA
Uh-huh! What sorority do you belong to?
AMY
(ashamed) Kappa Kappa Wong.
BENDER
Hey, rich girl. Look over here! It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining (singing) La la la look at my head. It's all painted look at my head! I got a big old head, hey! (talking) Alright, show's over, I'm tired.
FARNSWORTH
Ah, to be young again. And also a robot! Now as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver.
FRY
Finally! Come on Bender, let's mosey!
[He picks up Bender's head and throws it to his body. It misses the catch and Bender's head falls on the floor.]
BENDER
Nice catch, idiot!
[Planet Express: Hangar. The crate is being loaded into the ships cargo bay on a magnetic winch. It is addressed to Luna Park.]
FRY
So where are we going anyway?
LEELA
Nowhere special. The moon.
FRY
The moon? The moon moon? Wow! I'm gonna be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of!
AMY
Oh, I love stuff like the moon! Can I come, Leela?
LEELA
Well...I guess so. Just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screwups until at least my second day as captain.
FARNSWORTH
Nothing will go wrong. (whispering) If something goes wrong bring back the blood.
[Ships Cockpit. Bender and Amy are sat on the couch. Leela sits in the pilot's seat while Fry sits in a chair beside her. She presses some buttons.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The tilting mechanism comes out of the floor and pushes the ship into its 45-degree launch position.]
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The hangar roof slides open.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry scoots his chair over to Leela.]
FRY
Can I do the countdown?
LEELA
Huh? Oh sure, knock yourself out.
FRY
Ten.....nine
LEELA
Ok we're here!
FRY
(awestruck) Eightsevensixfivefourthreetwooneblastoff!
[The ship cruises towards the moon and flies through a hole in a dome on the surface.]
[Cut to: Outside Luna Park. The ship lands.]
[Cut to: Ships cockpit. Leela takes the keys out of the ignition and Fry gets out of his seat and heads for the door.]
FRY
Hurry up, I wanna see the moon!
LEELA
Relax, it's open till 9.
[Cut to: Outside Ship. Fry stands on the bottom step.]
FRY
That's one small step for Fry..
MAN
And one giant line for admission!
[The man is standing in a long queue for the Luna Park, a huge Disneyland-like place with moon-themed rides.]
FRY
Wow! Um, can I have cuts?
MAN
Hmm.. No!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry runs in]
FRY
You're not gonna believe this but they landed an amusement park on the moon!
AMY
Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth.
FRY
Let's go, already!
[They walk towards the door but Leela is blocking it.]
LEELA
Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
FRY
Let's just jump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
BENDER
Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.
LEELA
OK, if everyone's finished being stupid...
FRY
I had more but you go ahead.
LEELA
We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home.
FRY
But I've never been to the moon before.
[Leela sighs.]
LEELA
Alright. We'll deliver that crate like professionals...and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate. Then lock up when you're done. Just be careful.
[She hands the keys to Amy.]
AMY
Aye, aye, Captain! I mean only one eye. I mean, yes, sir, um, ma'am!
[Ships Cargo Bay. Fry stands next to the crate by the open bomb bay doors while Amy stands at the magnetic winch control station.]
AMY
Clear?
FRY
Clear!
AMY
Ready to hoist?
FRY
Ready!
[Amy presses a button and the winch drops and hits her on the head.]
AMY
Ow!
[The magnetic forces pull the keys out of her pocket. She tries again and the winch picks up the crate. The keys slip off the winch and through a hole in the crate.]
[Outside Luna Park Receiving Depot. Fry wheels the crate towards the room on a trolley. Amy follows.]
FRY
My first space delivery.
[Cut to: Luna Park Receiving Depot. A lazy man named Sal is sat at a desk with his feet up. Enter Fry.]
FRY
Uh, greetings, Moon Man, we come in peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.
SAL
Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.
FRY
But you are lazy, right?
SAL
Oh, don't get me started.
[Luna Park: Moon Street USA. The crew walk past a band of bandbots that are shaped like musical instruments, past a Moonvenirs stall. Bender stops and takes a bottle out of his chest cabinet and a mascot with a huge flat moon-shaped head runs up behind him.]
CRATER FACE
Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir.
BENDER
Better mascots than you have tried.
[He finishes the bottle and jabs it in Crater Face's eye making it look like a scene from A Trip to the Moon. He leaves.]
CRATER FACE
At least I still have my self-respect!
[He chuckles to himself then cries.]
[Time Lapse. At a souvenir stall they merchandise such as "I'm With Stupid On The Moon" t-shirts, "My Other Car Is A Porsche - On The Moon" bumper stickers and "What Part of MOON Don't You Understand?" fridge magnets. Leela scoffs.]
LEELA
Who buys this trash?
Bender
Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.
[Fry emerges from around the corner wearing one of the t-shirts and carrying magnets.]
FRY
Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets.
[He puts one on Bender's head causing Bender's pupils to dilate and an electrical surge in his head. He starts waving his arms around in a panic.]
BENDER
Get it off! Get it off! Get it.. uh oh! (singing) How many roads must a man walk down, before you... (talking) Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit!
FRY
So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?
BENDER
Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna be a folk singer.
[He gazes upwards sadly.]
[Luna Park: Whalers Of The Sea Of Tranquillity. The gang float through an It's A Small World After All-like ride passing by robotic whalers.]
WHALERBOTS
(singing)
We're whalers on the moon
We carry a harpoon
But there ain't no whales so we tell our tall tale
And sing our whaling tune!
[A Whalerbot tilting on a barrel waves to Bender.]
WHALERBOT
Bender, hey, Bender! Over here!
[Bender covers his face and turns away.]
BENDER
Oh, jeez, I went to high school with that guy!
[Luna Park: Goophy Gopher Revue. The audience sit patiently for the show to begin.]
ANNOUNCER
Monsanto presents: The Goophy Gopher Revue!
[On a small stage several robotic gophers pop out of crater-shaped holes.]
GOPHER #1
Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
GOPHER #2
Because it's a little meteor!
[The gophers laugh.]
FRY
This is weak!
GOPHER #1
Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.
[Luna Park. The crew get some candy floss from an Orlon Candy stall and carry on walking around the park. Fry looks unhappy.]
LEELA
What's wrong, Fry?
FRY
I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth. That's what I came to see! I wanna go out there and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phoney stuff!
LEELA
But the phoney stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there.
BENDER
Yeah! You're the kind of guy who visits Jerusalem and doesn't want to see the Sexeteria!
LEELA
Maybe I should take Fry on the Luna Rover ride. You get to wear a space suit and drive around on the surface. And the line' short because it's educational.
FRY
I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it!
[He runs off with Leela. Bender raises his bottle.]
BENDER
(shouting) Next year in Jerusalem!
[Luna Park: Destination Moon. Fry and Leela sit in a moon buggy wearing orange spacesuits.]
FRY
Finally! Get ready for some serious moon action.
[They go through some doors.]
NARRATOR
(voice-over) The story of lunar exploration started with one man. A man with a dream.
[The ride continues to a room with animatronic versions of the leads from The Honeymooners.]
RALPH KRAMDENBOT
One of these days, Alice. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon!
LEELA
Wow, I never realised the first astronauts were so fat!
FRY
That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian. And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.
[Luna Park Arcade. Amy is playing Virtual Virtual Skeeball, a virtual version of Virtual Skeeball. She just sits in a chair wearing a VR helmet.]
AMY
Wow! I could swear I was really playing virtual skeeball! Hm?
[She takes the helmet off.]
BENDER
Look, it's that crate we were gonna throw in the sewer.
[He points to Sal who is emptying the crate into a claw machine using a robot arm around his waist. They watch as the ship keys fall out of the crate and into the machine. Amy gasps.]
AMY
The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate! Leela's gonna kill me!
BENDER
Nah. She'll probably make me do it.
AMY
Mister? Could you please get those keys out for me?
SAL
What do I look like? A guy who's not lazy?
[Amy gets a coin out and plays the game. The claw grabs the keys but drops them on the way back up and she curses in Chinese.]
[Luna Park: Destination Moon. The moon buggy continues across lunar terrain, boxed in with poorly constructed walls with stars painted on them.]
NARRATOR
(voice-over) No one knows where, when or how Man first landed on the moon...
FRY
I do.
NARRATOR
(voice-over) ...but our fungineers think it might have happened something like this:
[A prop of a lunar landing module opens up and Whalerbots file out of it.]
WHALERBOTS
(singing) We're whalers on the moon
[Goophy Gophers pop up from craters.]
GOPHERS
(singing) We carry a harpoon
LEELA
(singing) ...and sing a whaling tune.
We're whalers on the moon...
FRY
That's now how it happened.
LEELA
Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree!
FRY
This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real moon.
LEELA
Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not gonna let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track.
FRY
Not for long!
[He grabs a harpoon, throws it in front of the buggy and derails it. It drivers over a whalerbot and out onto the open lunar surface.]
WHALERBOT
Ooh ahh! I died doin' what I loved.
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry drives the car around grinning.]
LEELA
OK, you're on the surface. Now I'll give you 10 minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologise for being such a jerk. Agreed?
FRY
Agreed. Yee-haw! Woo! Yeah! Crank up the radio!
[He turns the radio on.]
WHALERBOTS
We're whalers on the...
[He turns it off straight away.]
[Time Lapse. Fry drives around another crater.]
FRY
Yee-haw!
LEELA
Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater.
FRY
No not yet. How 'bout we go look for the original moon landing site?
LEELA
That's crazy! It's been lost for centuries!
FRY
Well I'm feelin' lucky! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.
[Time Lapse.]
FRY
We're gonna die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! You did it! We're safe!
LEELA
No. Now we're gonna die.
[The gauge on the oxygen canister reads nearly empty.]
FRY
It's every man for himself.
[He tries to run off but chokes himself on the oxygen pipe from his helmet.]
[Luna Park: Arcade. Amy is still trying to get the keys but the claw drops them again. Enter Bender with a small doll.]
BENDER
Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket!
AMY
Shut up. You're distracting me.
BENDER
Come on, it's just like making love. Y'know: Left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor.
AMY
I know how to make love!
[The claw drops the keys again. Amy sighs.]
BENDER
Here, let me do it. Ah, lousy arm. Must be rigged! That's her, officers! Uh, that's the woman who programmed me for evil!
[He runs off with his extended arm trailing behind him and the Moon Patrol chase him.]
[Cut to: Outside Lunar Park Dome. The Moon Patrol Officers throw Bender outside the dome and close the doors behind him.]
BENDER
Yeah, well, I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!
[Lunar Surface. An exhausted Fry and Leela continue their journey back to the park.]
FRY
(gasping) I'm sorry, Leela, I can't go on any further. Just leave me to die in that barn over there.
[Leela gasps. Fry is pointing to a farm in a dome.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. Fry and Leela run in and take off their space helmets, panting.]
LEELA
Thank God!
[Behind them a gun cocks. They turn around and see a farmer. He has a buck tooth and a cap that says "The Moon Shall Rise Again".]
FARMER
Trespassers, eh?
FRY
No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.
FARMER
Ooh, that's a wicked sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's OK, but the rest is mighty wicked.
LEELA
Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some?
FARMER
Huh, borry? Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sun up.
FRY
I guess we could do chores for a few hours.
LEELA
Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon.
FARMER
Yup. Drops down to -173!
FRY
Fahrenheit or Celsius?
FARMER
First one, then th'other. And them spacesuits ain't a-heated so you ain't goin' nowhere 'til sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. Just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters. Y'hear?
FRY
Robot daughters?
[He points to his robot daughters outside the house.]
FARMER
This here is Lulabelle 7.
LULABELLE 7
Yoo-hoo!
FARMER
Daisy-Mae 128K.
DAISY-MAE 128K
Yoo-hoo!
FARMER
And the crushinator.
[The Crushinator is a huge pink thing with tracks instead of legs.]
CRUSHINATOR
(mechanical voice) Yoo-hoo.
FRY
Whoa!
[Barn. Fry and Leela are milking some cows.]
LEELA
I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no, the park was too phoney. We had to see the real moon.
FRY
And it was great! We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and, and these fellas.
[He pats the cow, which isn't acow but some sort of insect-bovine creature called a buggalo.]
LEELA
Fry, face it. The moon is a dump. It's a boring dried up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that?
FRY
I guess I can't.
[They hear a shot from the outside. They look through the transparent barn doors and see Bender running out of the farmhouse.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. The farmer chases him out of the house waving his rifle.]
FARMER
I'll learn ye to sleep with my robot daughters!
[Bender runs into the barn.]
[Cut to: Barn. He leans against the transparent door. Outside the farmer reloads his gun.]
BENDER
He'll never find me in here.
LEELA
Bender?
FRY
Oh, Bender. You didn't touch the crushinator, did you?
BENDER
Of course not. A lady that fine you gotta romance first.
[Another gunshot smashes the barn door behind Bender. Bender legs it while the farmer reloads. Fry and Leela follow him through another door. They pick up their helmets as they run.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. They grab some oxygen tanks and get into the moon buggy.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The buggy speeds away from the farm. The farmer, in a spacesuit but with his cap sat on top, Lulabelle 7 and Daisy-Mae 128K run after them. The farmer fires a shot at them and misses.]
FARMER
Oh, no you don't! C'mere Crushinator.
[Crushinator drives out of the farm and pulls up beside him.]
CRUSHINATOR
(mechanical voice) Yes, Pa.
[She transforms into a car. The farmer and his other two daughters get in and drive after Fry, Leela and Bender. They chase the crew around past craters and through ravines. The farmer takes a shot at the crew and narrowly misses them. The crew round a corner and find their way blocked by a rock bridge.]
FRY
It's too low.
LEELA
Hang on. Hang on. Jump. Hold on to your helmet!
[They jump the gorge, flying over crocodiles with space helmets and land safely on the other side. They all cheer and then a wheel falls off the buggy. The Crushinator approaches the other side and stops. The farmer climbs out and slams the door.]
FARMER
God darn it, Crushinator, jump!
CRUSHINATOR
(mechanical voice) No, Pa. I love him.
[The farmer takes his hat off and jumps on it, groaning. Leela looks at the broken wheel and Fry sees a huge shadow approaching.]
FRY
Hey, cool! Dark side of the moon!
[Leela gasps.]
LEELA
Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze.
[They flee from the shadow.]
BENDER
What do you mean "we", mammal?
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. He watches the crew through a telescope.]
FARNSWORTH
Oh, dear! I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pyjamas.
[He falls asleep and starts snoring.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry and Leela are panting.]
LEELA
We can't outrun it forever.
[Fry sees something.]
FRY
Over there! Look! It's the moon landing site! We found it!
[They run towards it. Leela climbs the ladder and pushes over the hatch.]
LEELA
Quick, get in.
[Fry sees the American Flag.]
FRY
It's that flag from MTV! and Neil Armstrong's footprint! Hey! My foot's bigger! Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen?
LEELA
Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now get in here before you freeze.
[Fry sighs and climbs the ladder.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander. Leela helps him in.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. She closes the door just as Bender arrives.]
BENDER
Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I'll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.
[He walks off.]
[Apollo 11 Lander. Leela reads the oxygen gauge.]
LEELA
Well if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.
FRY
Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here.
LEELA
That's right, you shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is.
[Fry sighs.]
FRY
I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades. Nor the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot and nobody liked spending a week with me.
LEELA
A week would be a little much.
FRY
The moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing, hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it, no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes, the way I used to.
[Leela looks through a window. She sees the Earth.]
LEELA
Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.
[Bender runs towards the capsule.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The farmer is chasing him in a weird thing with spikes.]
FARMER
Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well I got you this time.
[The spikes get closer to Bender. The Planet Express ship swoops in above them. The magnetic winch lowers towards Bender.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander.]
FRY
It's Amy! We're saved!
LEELA
Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy is operating the winch expertly, having had practice at the Luna Park with the claw game. The toys from the game are piled up in the corner.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The winch is getting closer to Bender.]
BENDER
Not the magnet! No! No! Nooo... Uh-oh!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy cheers.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface: Bender kicks his legs and waves his arms around as he flies away from the farmer attached to the winch.]
BENDER
(singing)
She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes
She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes
(talking) I'll kill you Amy!
(singing)
She'll be comin' round the mountain
She'll be comin' round the mountain
She'll be comin'
[He slamds into the side of the lunar lander and it takes off. The faremr watches the ship fly away and takes off his space helmet and jumps on it.]
FARMER
Aww, dang it!
[He starts to choke then collapses. He reaches over to the helmet and puts it back on and breathes. Bender, still attached to the side of the lander, carries on singing.]
BENDER
(singing)
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes
(talking) Hey, I'm pretty good!
(singing)
She'll be riding six white horses...
LEELA
So, Fry, was the real moon anything like that moon you used to dream about?
FRY
Well, close enough!
THE END
BENDER
Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes
When she comes!
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world
I'll be blastin' all the humans
I'll be blastin' all the humans
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world
In the world!
(shouting) One more time!