11 13 14 by Ettrick Shepherd Lyrics
[Verse 1]
I don't understand
I don't even know who the fuck I am
Such a shame that my luck is bad
And the world treats me like it's punching bag
I tried to do good and got nothing back
I wish I had another plan
But I'm sick of looking at my own grubby hands
And the fact that I'm such a destructive man
Believe me, I’ve searched for a purpose
Why be on this earth when I’m worthless?
I’m so imperfect and nervous
I’d be a fucking burden to word this
I ain’t brave enough
To speak up about it so I tape it shut
Cos it’s such isolating stuff
Especially when I can’t escape the cuffs
It started in primary school
Everybody seemed to treat me so grimy and cruel
I have faith that it ain't likely to continue
And not again I find myself crying a pool
I fucking hate this, I need to erase it
A pain so deep that I bleed to escape it
And I'm frightened and afraid for the future but
At this point I just plead that I make it
I don't just only mean in the industry
I mean that my demons don't finish me
Cos they team up and scream at the inner me
And it just seems so fucking unclean no inner peace
In pieces, lying on the carpet
A part of me has died and it's hard shit
A voice telling me to survive and I can't quit
But I can and I just might, it's my last shift
I'm sorry
[Verse 2]
The camel's back is broken
My demons were sleeping but have awoken
If God exists I'ma find him and knock the prick
Out, no doubt I hate my life, it's obvious
I'm negative and not positive
There's no preventing it or stopping it
It's right on my doorstep and it'll kill me tryna conquer it
And some people seem to think that I wanted this
Not a good idea for me to stop and think
Cos then I get closer to being on the brink
Holding off the urge to act on my thoughts
Pondering maybe I shouldn't be acting at all
Clawing at the windows and scratching the walls
Beating up pillows and banging on doors
The other day I said goodbye to a close friend
Cos I can't guarantee that my life won't end
It’s breath on the back of my neck
Scared to turn, what if it's actually there
I tried to vent it, written a billion rhymes
It's a premature finish line
They say give it time but they don't know about shit
I need an outlet now and this is mine
And I've been tryna visualise
But it's not a case of live or die
[Hook]
I've been on the low, I've been looking for a high
A feeling I ain't able to find
Is the universe sending me a sign?
I don't want my life
I don't understand
I don't even know who the fuck I am
Such a shame that my luck is bad
And the world treats me like it's punching bag
I tried to do good and got nothing back
I wish I had another plan
But I'm sick of looking at my own grubby hands
And the fact that I'm such a destructive man
Believe me, I’ve searched for a purpose
Why be on this earth when I’m worthless?
I’m so imperfect and nervous
I’d be a fucking burden to word this
I ain’t brave enough
To speak up about it so I tape it shut
Cos it’s such isolating stuff
Especially when I can’t escape the cuffs
It started in primary school
Everybody seemed to treat me so grimy and cruel
I have faith that it ain't likely to continue
And not again I find myself crying a pool
I fucking hate this, I need to erase it
A pain so deep that I bleed to escape it
And I'm frightened and afraid for the future but
At this point I just plead that I make it
I don't just only mean in the industry
I mean that my demons don't finish me
Cos they team up and scream at the inner me
And it just seems so fucking unclean no inner peace
In pieces, lying on the carpet
A part of me has died and it's hard shit
A voice telling me to survive and I can't quit
But I can and I just might, it's my last shift
I'm sorry
[Verse 2]
The camel's back is broken
My demons were sleeping but have awoken
If God exists I'ma find him and knock the prick
Out, no doubt I hate my life, it's obvious
I'm negative and not positive
There's no preventing it or stopping it
It's right on my doorstep and it'll kill me tryna conquer it
And some people seem to think that I wanted this
Not a good idea for me to stop and think
Cos then I get closer to being on the brink
Holding off the urge to act on my thoughts
Pondering maybe I shouldn't be acting at all
Clawing at the windows and scratching the walls
Beating up pillows and banging on doors
The other day I said goodbye to a close friend
Cos I can't guarantee that my life won't end
It’s breath on the back of my neck
Scared to turn, what if it's actually there
I tried to vent it, written a billion rhymes
It's a premature finish line
They say give it time but they don't know about shit
I need an outlet now and this is mine
And I've been tryna visualise
But it's not a case of live or die
[Hook]
I've been on the low, I've been looking for a high
A feeling I ain't able to find
Is the universe sending me a sign?
I don't want my life