Six Ways To Survive A Sucky Job by Erin Anastasia Lyrics
"Six Ways to Survive a Sucky Job"
Give everyone in the office a nickname
But never tell them what it is
Keep it as an inside joke between you and yourself
The more exclusive a joke, the funnier it is
Smile to yourself when James Bond
rounds the corner like he’s got a gun inside of that briefcase
Bite your tongue on the day Velma
actually loses her glasses.
2. If there’s an elevator, always take the elevator.
If you catch yourself alone in the elevator, dance like a drunken aunt at a sweet sixteen and stare directly into the security camera. Imagine that somewhere in the building, there is a tubby man in a blue uniform, sitting in a dark room and shaking his head at you.
3. Go to the store. Pick up pens in your favorite color,
unless your favorite color is yellow, or white,
Then just get pens in your second favorite color,
Take notes and write to-do lists and watch your hands turn into child hands
4. Decorate your cubicle with
Photos of friends
Or pictures of places not here
Or maybe just buy a bunch of those fuzzy color-in posters and use it as wallpaper
There are ways to turn any beige into a rainbow.
5. Stalk. Everyone. All of those folders you have access to? Snoop through them. Feel like you’re looking at porn when your parents aren’t home. Peek at photos of the company’s trip last year to the ranch. Now you know what your boss looks like while sitting on a horse. When your boss talks down to you, imagine her high up, like she’s sitting on a horse.
6. Bubble wrap. You know where it is. Wait until most of the office is out at lunch. Saunter into the mailroom, act surprised, like oh, hey bubble wrap, I didn’t expect to find you here,
And then pop that shit! Pop all of that shit
And tomorrow, when fucking Kevin tries to mail a box of books
and leans his head out of the mail room and asks
What happened to the bubble wrap?
Take out a purple pen, and write on your Lisa Frank notepad these three words:
Fuck you Kevin.
Don’t show anyone,
The more exclusive an insult,
The funnier it is.
Everyone has to go to work.
And some jobs suck
But all jobs suck less than how much being broke sucks
So… suck it up!
Find miniscule ways to fight the man every day
Find moments and bullshit reasons to put a smile on your face.
Maybe your job doesn’t matter, but your heart still does,
So make yourself happy,
In any dumb, irrelevant, childish way that you can.
It's the only way to survive.
Give everyone in the office a nickname
But never tell them what it is
Keep it as an inside joke between you and yourself
The more exclusive a joke, the funnier it is
Smile to yourself when James Bond
rounds the corner like he’s got a gun inside of that briefcase
Bite your tongue on the day Velma
actually loses her glasses.
2. If there’s an elevator, always take the elevator.
If you catch yourself alone in the elevator, dance like a drunken aunt at a sweet sixteen and stare directly into the security camera. Imagine that somewhere in the building, there is a tubby man in a blue uniform, sitting in a dark room and shaking his head at you.
3. Go to the store. Pick up pens in your favorite color,
unless your favorite color is yellow, or white,
Then just get pens in your second favorite color,
Take notes and write to-do lists and watch your hands turn into child hands
4. Decorate your cubicle with
Photos of friends
Or pictures of places not here
Or maybe just buy a bunch of those fuzzy color-in posters and use it as wallpaper
There are ways to turn any beige into a rainbow.
5. Stalk. Everyone. All of those folders you have access to? Snoop through them. Feel like you’re looking at porn when your parents aren’t home. Peek at photos of the company’s trip last year to the ranch. Now you know what your boss looks like while sitting on a horse. When your boss talks down to you, imagine her high up, like she’s sitting on a horse.
6. Bubble wrap. You know where it is. Wait until most of the office is out at lunch. Saunter into the mailroom, act surprised, like oh, hey bubble wrap, I didn’t expect to find you here,
And then pop that shit! Pop all of that shit
And tomorrow, when fucking Kevin tries to mail a box of books
and leans his head out of the mail room and asks
What happened to the bubble wrap?
Take out a purple pen, and write on your Lisa Frank notepad these three words:
Fuck you Kevin.
Don’t show anyone,
The more exclusive an insult,
The funnier it is.
Everyone has to go to work.
And some jobs suck
But all jobs suck less than how much being broke sucks
So… suck it up!
Find miniscule ways to fight the man every day
Find moments and bullshit reasons to put a smile on your face.
Maybe your job doesn’t matter, but your heart still does,
So make yourself happy,
In any dumb, irrelevant, childish way that you can.
It's the only way to survive.