Charles’s Christmas Poem Santa the Reindeer by Episode One Lyrics
One time, it was Christmas
But not just any Christmas, this was Christmas day
Yes, Christmas day is the time of year when all of the boys and girls are excited to get their Christmas presents
So named for the fact that they are given on Christmas
But for reindeer it is the shittiest day of the year
The only day they have to work
And for one particular reindeer, it was even shittier
His name was Santa the reindeer
When he was born, Santa Claus decided he was very spеcial, like a god
So he named thе reindeer after himself
because it made him feel like a god too
All the reindeer hated Santa the reindeer for it
Every night he slept at the foot of Santa's bed
While all the other reindeer had to sleep in a metal cage
At Santa's meat processing facility
Where he slaughters all the old and disobedient reindeer
They also make reindeer jerky there
It's called reindeer jerky, but it's made out of elves
The reindeer prefer the flesh of dead elves cause' their meat tastes like Jolly Ranchers
That's cause' all the elves started mixing their Lean with Jolly Ranchers when they heard Juicy J rap about it
But, be that as it may, Santa the reindeer always had a shitty Christmas
Cause' all the other reindeer hated working with him on the sleigh
Since he always got the spot closest to Santa
And he was the only reindeer in Santa's Xmas blunt rotation
So when they went out to deliver presents
The other reindeer would do mean shit to Santa the reindeer
I'm talking about like Blitzen and Dancer and Rudolph, guys like that
They would do mean things like put gum in his hair
One time, when he opened his locker at the reindeer gym
They put his lock on backwards so he had to kind of like kneel over and look at the lock upside-down to unlock it
They also chased him around the locker room, whipping his little butt with a wet towel and gave him a pink belly
So anyway, it's Christmas, right?
And reindeer are being mean and calling him bad words
Real nasty stuff, homophobic, racist, you name it, they said it
Anyway, the reindeer landed on a roof so that Santa Claus could go into the chimney to give presents
While he was away, the other reindeer started kicking Santa the reindeer in the nuts and spitting on him and trying to stab him
But what they didn't expect was that little boy who lived in the house had climbed up the chimney to the roof, thinking he would get a glimpse of Santa
Instead, what he saw was very embarrassing for Donner, Dasher, Blanch, Timothy, Rudolph, Googoo, Blitzer, etcetera, guys like that
The reindeer all felt so ashamed of themselves from that little boy saw them kicking Santa the reindeer in the reindeer nuts
Especially cause' the boy said "What is wrong with you? Have you forgotten the spirit of Christmas?"
However, then something magical happened
Santa came back up the chimney
Usually he just climbs but luckily this house had an elevator in the chimney which made it really easy
Anyway, he got up there, and he saw the little boy and it was the most wonderful little boy he had ever seen
"You are so beautiful" said Santa
"But not in a creepy way, I castrated myself to prove I would never do anything funny to a little child. Now, boy you must come with me I want you to be the new Santa the reindeer, I was mistaken to make this guy my favorite."
And with that Santa kicked Santa the reindeer out
And strapped the boy into the reigns along with Rudolph, Dasher, Feelo, Jojo, Milosh, Blitzen, and all the rest of your favorites
"Yo ho ho!" said Santa
That night, when they finally got home from doing their job
The little boy got to sleep at the foot of Santa's bed
Where he slept every night since
And that little boy grew up to be, you guessed it
The one known as Santa Claus
All along, the Santa Claus in this story was a previous Santa Claus you've never heard of
This was basically a prequel to the Santa story all along
Also, guess what?
Things had turned out okay for Santa the reindeer
The little boy's parents took him in as their own, and he got a PS5 for Christmas
"Yo ho ho ho!" he said
"Truly this is the most merry Christmas since I no longer have to work on it" he said
And his parents said they liked him better than their son
The End
But not just any Christmas, this was Christmas day
Yes, Christmas day is the time of year when all of the boys and girls are excited to get their Christmas presents
So named for the fact that they are given on Christmas
But for reindeer it is the shittiest day of the year
The only day they have to work
And for one particular reindeer, it was even shittier
His name was Santa the reindeer
When he was born, Santa Claus decided he was very spеcial, like a god
So he named thе reindeer after himself
because it made him feel like a god too
All the reindeer hated Santa the reindeer for it
Every night he slept at the foot of Santa's bed
While all the other reindeer had to sleep in a metal cage
At Santa's meat processing facility
Where he slaughters all the old and disobedient reindeer
They also make reindeer jerky there
It's called reindeer jerky, but it's made out of elves
The reindeer prefer the flesh of dead elves cause' their meat tastes like Jolly Ranchers
That's cause' all the elves started mixing their Lean with Jolly Ranchers when they heard Juicy J rap about it
But, be that as it may, Santa the reindeer always had a shitty Christmas
Cause' all the other reindeer hated working with him on the sleigh
Since he always got the spot closest to Santa
And he was the only reindeer in Santa's Xmas blunt rotation
So when they went out to deliver presents
The other reindeer would do mean shit to Santa the reindeer
I'm talking about like Blitzen and Dancer and Rudolph, guys like that
They would do mean things like put gum in his hair
One time, when he opened his locker at the reindeer gym
They put his lock on backwards so he had to kind of like kneel over and look at the lock upside-down to unlock it
They also chased him around the locker room, whipping his little butt with a wet towel and gave him a pink belly
So anyway, it's Christmas, right?
And reindeer are being mean and calling him bad words
Real nasty stuff, homophobic, racist, you name it, they said it
Anyway, the reindeer landed on a roof so that Santa Claus could go into the chimney to give presents
While he was away, the other reindeer started kicking Santa the reindeer in the nuts and spitting on him and trying to stab him
But what they didn't expect was that little boy who lived in the house had climbed up the chimney to the roof, thinking he would get a glimpse of Santa
Instead, what he saw was very embarrassing for Donner, Dasher, Blanch, Timothy, Rudolph, Googoo, Blitzer, etcetera, guys like that
The reindeer all felt so ashamed of themselves from that little boy saw them kicking Santa the reindeer in the reindeer nuts
Especially cause' the boy said "What is wrong with you? Have you forgotten the spirit of Christmas?"
However, then something magical happened
Santa came back up the chimney
Usually he just climbs but luckily this house had an elevator in the chimney which made it really easy
Anyway, he got up there, and he saw the little boy and it was the most wonderful little boy he had ever seen
"You are so beautiful" said Santa
"But not in a creepy way, I castrated myself to prove I would never do anything funny to a little child. Now, boy you must come with me I want you to be the new Santa the reindeer, I was mistaken to make this guy my favorite."
And with that Santa kicked Santa the reindeer out
And strapped the boy into the reigns along with Rudolph, Dasher, Feelo, Jojo, Milosh, Blitzen, and all the rest of your favorites
"Yo ho ho!" said Santa
That night, when they finally got home from doing their job
The little boy got to sleep at the foot of Santa's bed
Where he slept every night since
And that little boy grew up to be, you guessed it
The one known as Santa Claus
All along, the Santa Claus in this story was a previous Santa Claus you've never heard of
This was basically a prequel to the Santa story all along
Also, guess what?
Things had turned out okay for Santa the reindeer
The little boy's parents took him in as their own, and he got a PS5 for Christmas
"Yo ho ho ho!" he said
"Truly this is the most merry Christmas since I no longer have to work on it" he said
And his parents said they liked him better than their son
The End