Curtis Skit by Eminem Lyrics
[Dialogue: Eminem & Sculptor]
*Dial tone*
(Hello?) Hello? (Yes)
Hi, is this Curtis (Yes, it is) Hi, Curtis
(Hi) Hi, this is Curtis, I'm Curtis
My name is Curtis also (Oh, my name is Kurt)
Oh, that's really funny (Okay)
(That's okay) Um, listen, I was wondering
I was looking at your ad in the paper, um
I was wondering, you-you, you do sculptures? (Yes)
Okay, um, you're gonna laugh, um
This is kinda personal, but
I'm, um, a transsexual
And I was wondering if, um, you could-
Are you there? (Yes) Ok, I'm s-I'm sorry
I thought you was gonna laugh at me, um
I was wondering, um, how much would charge, to like, um
Sculpt, like-like, if-if-if you were to make like, um
A sculpture of my body (Well, that's not what I do
I work in the steel and...)
You couldn't make a-a sculpture of, like um
My body **cellphone ring** (No) Okay, um
(It's not what I do, I-ah) Okay, you're yelling at me
(No, I'm not) Oh, I'm-I'm sorry
I thought you were, I thought you were yelling at me
(My phone is louder) Oh, ok (But, uh)
It sounds very loud in my ear
(Just to be, make it very clear, what I do) Uhuh
(Is geometrics) Oh (So)
What exactly is geometrics? (Well)
Cause I was trying to get like, just-
All I really wanted- you're probably gonna laugh, but
All I really wanted was, um, a sculpture, really
Of my penis, just for my girlfriend (That's not what I do)
(I don't know what to tell you, but, uh)
You can't make a sculpture of my penis?
The- Just (It's not what I do, sir)
Just my penis, that's it, just the head of my penis
(No, that's not what I do) (*laugh*) (Okay?) What?
Why don't make sculptures of penises?
(Well) This is (it's-it's-it's not I'm in- First of all)
You're being mean, sir, 'cause you put an ad in the paper
(No, I didn't, I put an ad in fo-)
You put an ad in the paper for penis sculptures!
This is really messed up, you're doing psychological damage to me
Physically and mentally
(You know, I have your phone number, by the way
So don't make obscene phone calls) I'm not making obscene *phone ringing* phone call
I'm being dead serious with you sir (Well I can't do that)
And you're making fun of me (I can't do that for you)
Is that a business you run there? (I put an ad in for trucking)
You're scaring me, what? Trucking? (Yes, you looked under "trucking")
(I don't have an ad for-) I thought I looked under "fucking"
Oh my god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, goodbye
*Dial tone*
(Hello?) Hello? (Yes)
Hi, is this Curtis (Yes, it is) Hi, Curtis
(Hi) Hi, this is Curtis, I'm Curtis
My name is Curtis also (Oh, my name is Kurt)
Oh, that's really funny (Okay)
(That's okay) Um, listen, I was wondering
I was looking at your ad in the paper, um
I was wondering, you-you, you do sculptures? (Yes)
Okay, um, you're gonna laugh, um
This is kinda personal, but
I'm, um, a transsexual
And I was wondering if, um, you could-
Are you there? (Yes) Ok, I'm s-I'm sorry
I thought you was gonna laugh at me, um
I was wondering, um, how much would charge, to like, um
Sculpt, like-like, if-if-if you were to make like, um
A sculpture of my body (Well, that's not what I do
I work in the steel and...)
You couldn't make a-a sculpture of, like um
My body **cellphone ring** (No) Okay, um
(It's not what I do, I-ah) Okay, you're yelling at me
(No, I'm not) Oh, I'm-I'm sorry
I thought you were, I thought you were yelling at me
(My phone is louder) Oh, ok (But, uh)
It sounds very loud in my ear
(Just to be, make it very clear, what I do) Uhuh
(Is geometrics) Oh (So)
What exactly is geometrics? (Well)
Cause I was trying to get like, just-
All I really wanted- you're probably gonna laugh, but
All I really wanted was, um, a sculpture, really
Of my penis, just for my girlfriend (That's not what I do)
(I don't know what to tell you, but, uh)
You can't make a sculpture of my penis?
The- Just (It's not what I do, sir)
Just my penis, that's it, just the head of my penis
(No, that's not what I do) (*laugh*) (Okay?) What?
Why don't make sculptures of penises?
(Well) This is (it's-it's-it's not I'm in- First of all)
You're being mean, sir, 'cause you put an ad in the paper
(No, I didn't, I put an ad in fo-)
You put an ad in the paper for penis sculptures!
This is really messed up, you're doing psychological damage to me
Physically and mentally
(You know, I have your phone number, by the way
So don't make obscene phone calls) I'm not making obscene *phone ringing* phone call
I'm being dead serious with you sir (Well I can't do that)
And you're making fun of me (I can't do that for you)
Is that a business you run there? (I put an ad in for trucking)
You're scaring me, what? Trucking? (Yes, you looked under "trucking")
(I don't have an ad for-) I thought I looked under "fucking"
Oh my god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, goodbye