One Quarter Viking Three Quarters Pussy by Brian Posehn Lyrics

Long swords, Viking ships
Endless battles and tales of Yore
My Nordic ancestors
Had battle axes and looked like Thor

Never swung a sword
Or a battle axe in my life
But I sure as hell
Have gotten a mani-pedi with my wife

I'm a mess
My Nordic folks would kill me
Because I might be
One quarter Viking, three quarters pussy

These sons of Odin
Fought bears and fucking conquered shit

I'm fat and if I held a sword
I'd probably stab my tits
I'd be so raped
And pillaged in my Viking village
If I was chased
I'd get caught and blood would spillage

I have pot tits
Amon Amarth would hate me
Because I ma be
One quarter Viking, three quarters pussy

I'm a fat shit
My grandma would hate me
Because I might be
One quarter Viking, three quarters pussy

On a Viking longship
I wouldn't last an hour
Any word of battle
I'd shit my pants and cower

I'm a mess
My Nordic folks would hate me
Because I may be
One quarter Viking, three quarters pussy

I'm so fucked
My Nordic folks would kill me
Because I may be
One quarter Viking, three quarters pussy
I'm a fat shit
My grandma would hate me
Because I might be
One quarter Viking, three quarters pussy