I Love My Job by Bill Hicks Lyrics

I generally love my job.
You know, what's great about being a comic is that I have no boss. There's a definite plus in a lifestyle, huh? Isn't it?
Aren't bosses something? They're like gnats on a camping trip, aren't they?
[mimics buzzing insects]
Get the fuck outta here, buddy. It's just a job, it doesn't mean a thing, alright? I smoked a joint this morning, you're lucky I showed, bud. Alright? My bed was like a womb.

I always used to get from bosses, "Hicks! How come you're not working?"
I go, "There's nothing to do!"
And they go, "Well, you pretend like you're working."
Yeah, why don't you pretend I'm working?
You get paid more than me, you fantasize, buddy! Hell, pretend I'm mopping! Knock yourself out!
I'll pretend they're buying stuff, we can close up!
Hey, I'm the boss, now you're fired! How's that for a fantasy, buddy?
If you're gonna pretend, go ahead and rear back.

I can't have a job. I need my sleep. You know what I mean?

[Audience Member:] Hell yeah.

I do, I need eight hours a day, you know... and about 10 at night. And I'm good. I'm good. I am!