Token Silence by Ayarri B Lyrics
I told him that it didn’t hurt. I didn’t care what he did,
that he could use me as he chose, and I would simply comply.
But I never said it with my mouth, no truths, no words, no lies.
Instead, it was in the way I pushed down the fear, and inside I constantly cried.
It was in the way I simply smiled when he cut my dreams down.
In the way I stroked his face when I screamed inside, so loud.
It was when I told my girls “Yeah he treats me right,” and
I begged my brother, at the same damn time, “Please be polite.”
When he told me about my needs and my wants and my fears,
but I kept that smile and said “Of course dear.”
I was complicit my incarceration.
In every time I should have been strong, but I chose to be complacent.
I spent so much time defending that what I had was real,
that I ignored the signs inside that shouted “THIS IS WHAT YOU FEEL”.
And now I’m recovering, an addict on a drug I didn’t even like.
I let myself be twisted about the better things in life.
And now I’m twisting and I’m turning,
trying to wake up from a dream,
where everything is black and white,
and the worst is what it means.
“Don’t go to the light”, but maybe that’s what I need.
An external source to show the truth in what I see.
Because maybe what I’m seeing is a fun house mirror too.
That little thing called perception: I think mine is skewed.
that he could use me as he chose, and I would simply comply.
But I never said it with my mouth, no truths, no words, no lies.
Instead, it was in the way I pushed down the fear, and inside I constantly cried.
It was in the way I simply smiled when he cut my dreams down.
In the way I stroked his face when I screamed inside, so loud.
It was when I told my girls “Yeah he treats me right,” and
I begged my brother, at the same damn time, “Please be polite.”
When he told me about my needs and my wants and my fears,
but I kept that smile and said “Of course dear.”
I was complicit my incarceration.
In every time I should have been strong, but I chose to be complacent.
I spent so much time defending that what I had was real,
that I ignored the signs inside that shouted “THIS IS WHAT YOU FEEL”.
And now I’m recovering, an addict on a drug I didn’t even like.
I let myself be twisted about the better things in life.
And now I’m twisting and I’m turning,
trying to wake up from a dream,
where everything is black and white,
and the worst is what it means.
“Don’t go to the light”, but maybe that’s what I need.
An external source to show the truth in what I see.
Because maybe what I’m seeing is a fun house mirror too.
That little thing called perception: I think mine is skewed.