A Guide to Growing Up - Level 5 Relationships by Aaron Malone Lyrics
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Relationship Dynamics
For those you really rely on, your taskforce (or your lover), there are expectations and plenty of them. A partnership takes boundaries, work, and communication. An effortless, smooth ride is a dangerous fantasy to mistakenly call your standard for what’s acceptable. Relationships consist of the health of the following dynamics: strength of bond, treatment, and investment. All three need to be positive to maintain a healthy relationship. But if only two are positive, the relationship will continue and be unhealthy. In this section, a relationship refers to both platonic and romantic relationships. After all, friendship is the seed of all successful romances. There are no different kinds of love, just different socially acceptable expressions of it. An emotional connection manifests itself as love when things are good, and quickly changes to hate if things get all fucked up. But both are signs of a stable, strong emotional connection—not necessarily healthy, but strong. Love and hate are not opposite ends of the emotion spectrum, but neighbors. They are the positive and negative extremes. Their opposite is neutral indifference, which is the result of detachment or disaffection (much like how the outcome of an LPGA golf tournament affects your state of mind).
The strength of bond is how you feel about the person. If you can imagine your life going fine without him or her in it, your level of bond really isn’t that strong. Someone might argue that they never feel that way about anyone because they’re just very independent. That’s fine and all, but there is a depth of love that people who are truly independent can’t reach. You can measure the strength of bond by what lengths one will go to please the other person. Willingness and thoughtfulness are not the same. You can’t expect your partner to “just know” or do things you want without being asked. Very few people wander around wondering what they can think up to surprise someone with. Half of them are the kind of people who walk around in overcoats and no pants.
Sometimes you’ll meet someone who isn’t that interesting to be around or that you don’t really feel comfortable talking to openly. However, he or she is reliable, honest, and willing to help you, sometimes even when you don’t need it. Despite not having a strong emotional connection to this person, you recognize his or her value as an asset that would be foolish to distance yourself from. The way someone treats you (and others) should carry significant mass when you’re weighing your decision to include them in your inner circle or not.
The investment in a relationship is composed of the time spent together, the experiences and memories shared together, and the amount of thought, energy, and physical time spent considering the other person and their desires. The more you put into something, the slower you will be to abandon it at the first sign of trouble. The investment is the hinge of a relationship. The strength of bond and treatment can waver up and down, but investment only grows.
Everyone probably knows someone in a relationship who is treated poorly, but will not leave. It is because of the emotional bond initially established at the beginning of their relationship and the investment the person has put in. Abused people’s decision to stay may make them seem weak or illogical, but they stay where they are because the relationship dynamic still contains positives, despite being unhealthy overall. That’s not how it should be, but that’s the way it is. The only way to improve it is to insist on a higher standard.
Role of a Boyfriend
The major role for both halves of significant others is to provide for them consistent perks and support that goes above and beyond what anyone else can do in their lives. You have to know how to push their buttons, meet their needs, and keep their interest. As mentioned earlier when talking about marriage, in the most successful relationships, each person always puts the others’ needs first and then they both win.
A boyfriend is supposed to be a leader and initiate the various stages that take place in a relationship. Even though more and more girls are comfortable making the first move, most still prefer the guy to do it. A boyfriend is supposed to at least offer to pay for dates (unless the girl is also working). Boyfriends are supposed to buy small, thoughtful gifts on a completely random basis. This makes the girl feel special, because not only does she know that she is on her boyfriend’s mind, but very few girls actually receive this kind of ideal treatment.
Boyfriends are one of the very few people a girl will allow to see her true feelings. When she is vulnerable in times of weakness or pain, a boyfriend should take on an attitude of comfort and support first. Together, you can find solutions and resolutions to the issues, but the first thing a boyfriend should do is reassure her that she is not alone and that everything is going to be ok. Just wrap your arms around her for awhile. Cancel any plans you have. These moments will make or break your relationship. Save the humor, gifts, and intelligent remarks for a few hours later… Right now, being there physically is all that’s going to help. Give her all the encouragement and support she needs to consistently better her life.
A boyfriend is supposed to consider his girl’s needs and make sure they’re met. Decipher between her needs and wants. Girls will let guys know what they want in their own way. Guys are just notoriously bad at picking up hints. Things would go a lot better if girls would come right out and directly say “I want you to do this.” Since that’s rare, guys have to work on picking up hints, double meanings, and watching a girl’s body language and actions more so than her words. Her wants and needs will not necessarily be consistent. You have to constantly keep up to notice how she changes, and roll with it.
In bed, always make sure your girlfriend orgasms first. It shows her that you care about her as a person and aren’t just using her as a bag of guts. If you aren’t sure of what to do, just ask her. Be sure there’s at least twenty minutes of good foreplay before penetration (45 minutes if you fancy yourself a real crowd-pleaser). Every now and then, be aggressive and pin her against the wall, and take her forcefully and quickly like you’re both in a plane that’s about to crash.
Take the initiative to make the plans for what to do together. Consult your girlfriend before making them final. Approach her with something along the lines of, “Hey, I heard about this really cool place [tell her about it here.] Would you like to go?” Be sure to take your lady out somewhere at least twice a month (grabbing dinner at your routine restaurant doesn’t count).
Keep in touch. Ideally, you could see one another almost every day. If seeing one another every day is not possible (or desired), at least call or text. Some time apart is needed, but a consistent communication link is too. If there is to be considerable time apart for vacation or holidays, hand-written letters are a real throwback romantic touch and will totally be received with passionate sex.
Role of a Girlfriend
As said before (in case you skipped it like a bitch), the major role for both halves of significant others is to provide consistent perks and support for their partners that go above and beyond what anyone else can do in their lives. They have to know how to push each other’s buttons, meet needs, and be interesting. In the most successful relationships, each person always puts the others’ needs first, and then they both win.
Your role is to make your man happier than anything else in the world, because only you have that ability (unless you pick a man who just doesn’t care). In a good life, you are the icing on the cake. If your boyfriend does what he is supposed to do and takes care of your needs, you should reciprocate. A man’s needs consist of food, sleep, and sex. Suck his dick whenever and wherever it’s completely inappropriate. Fuck him whenever he wants. When he’s not around, practice your Kegel exercises so he never even dreams of what another girl feels like. If you’re staying over at his house while he’s at work, have something for him to eat when he gets home. Blow him the second he walks in the door, just to be silly.
If you have a job, you should offer to chip in what you can afford for your outings together. If you have a man who works long hours and his job takes a physical toll on his body, don’t feel neglected or unloved if he is too tired to pounce on you or pay you much attention when he gets home. Work is often hell, and if the day can be salvaged at all, it takes awhile to become your normal self again after being someone’s slave all day. This scenario is the equivalent of your emotional breakdown, except it happens to him almost every day. He just needs your support and understanding right now. If he’s not the type that wants to be held, just bring him something to eat and drink, and rub his shoulders. Above all, be quiet and let his mind rest awhile. If he wanted to talk about what happened, or his feelings, he’d already be ranting and raving. Don’t give him additional shit for not sharing, because he doesn’t want to have to relive the horrors he can’t do anything about.
While it’s cute if your man is able to read your mind, it’s not going to happen very often, if at all. Men just aren’t good at it. When you want something, communicate it as clearly as possible. You can try your hints and body language first, but if we don’t get it, don’t give up. Just come out and say what you want and you’ll probably get it. Be satisfied at getting what you want, even if it’s not exactly how you want it. Life isn’t perfect and men are the perfect example of imperfection. Help us please you.
Be supportive of your man in his career ambitions and risks. Encourage him to constantly better himself and learn new things.
Becoming Husband and Wife
What? All this stuff sounds good to you? Alright. Well, when you and your significant other have been together for awhile, there comes a point in time where you start discussing your life goals to see if there is a similar interest in the overall direction you want to go. Instead of being just a novelty and provider of perks, you begin to view your significant other as your life partner. Up to this point, your motivation was to get what you want. Now, when making a choice, the best outcome is when you choose what is most beneficial to both of you. You will begin to operate as a unit, making decisions with the other person’s interests in mind. You’ll even begin to share finances and bills.
You’ll have discussions and come to agreements on where you want to live, how big a house you want, how many children to have (and at what age to conceive them, presuming they are not currently already on the way), what your desired household income will be (and how to get it), and what will have to be sacrificed along the way in order to accomplish these goals.
Ideally, you should live together to test out how well you two get along. You never really know some things about a person until you live with them. After plenty of time has passed, disagreements have been resolved, and working together is now like second nature to you… you’re relating to each other the way a husband and wife should. All that’s left is the formality.
If things are going well, there might be some questioning as to whether you should even do anything different. Some people fear that getting married officially may change their relationship for the worse. Getting married is not to blame for the change. Rather, the added comfort of a lifetime commitment can be detrimental if both parts of the couple stop actively trying to please the other. If there is an attitude of, “Well, we’re married now and neither of us are going anywhere… I don’t have to try so damn hard anymore,” the relationship is doomed. This happens all the time in long-term relationships, marriage or not. If you stop trying, the spark between the two of you will die out. That leads to neglect, loneliness, perhaps cheating… everything gets all fucked up. A few more dinner dates, blowjobs, and statements of, “I love you,” here and there are all that’s needed to meet the bare minimum required to keep things going.
Miscellaneous Guidelines
Don’t be clingy and smothering. This includes forcing conversation and trying to pry about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Know how the other feels about public displays of affection, and go with it. Guys, don’t be more affectionate than she is to you. Do not be more emotional or cry more than she does.
Don’t propose marriage at all until you both know who you are and what you want out of life. No matter how in love you are now, you can’t plan for the rest of your life if you don’t quite know what you want the rest of your life to entail.
Bonus Level !!
Do your expectations of others reflect your ideal conditions, or just what you think you can get? How far are you willing to compromise standards in order to get what you want? Does the end always justify the means?
How do you think a relationship changes from significant others to married couple? Should it ideally stay the same, or is it supposed to grow a little different?
What’s more important in a relationship: the feelings you have for one another, or how well you two function as a team?
Is marriage just another failing tradition that has become obsolete? Are the benefits still worthwhile and desirable enough to continue to expect marriage to happen to everyone at some point? Try to imagine a different kind of arrangement that could potentially evolve to replace marriage altogether.
What are some other things you think an ideal boyfriend and girlfriend should do for one another?
Relationship Dynamics
For those you really rely on, your taskforce (or your lover), there are expectations and plenty of them. A partnership takes boundaries, work, and communication. An effortless, smooth ride is a dangerous fantasy to mistakenly call your standard for what’s acceptable. Relationships consist of the health of the following dynamics: strength of bond, treatment, and investment. All three need to be positive to maintain a healthy relationship. But if only two are positive, the relationship will continue and be unhealthy. In this section, a relationship refers to both platonic and romantic relationships. After all, friendship is the seed of all successful romances. There are no different kinds of love, just different socially acceptable expressions of it. An emotional connection manifests itself as love when things are good, and quickly changes to hate if things get all fucked up. But both are signs of a stable, strong emotional connection—not necessarily healthy, but strong. Love and hate are not opposite ends of the emotion spectrum, but neighbors. They are the positive and negative extremes. Their opposite is neutral indifference, which is the result of detachment or disaffection (much like how the outcome of an LPGA golf tournament affects your state of mind).
The strength of bond is how you feel about the person. If you can imagine your life going fine without him or her in it, your level of bond really isn’t that strong. Someone might argue that they never feel that way about anyone because they’re just very independent. That’s fine and all, but there is a depth of love that people who are truly independent can’t reach. You can measure the strength of bond by what lengths one will go to please the other person. Willingness and thoughtfulness are not the same. You can’t expect your partner to “just know” or do things you want without being asked. Very few people wander around wondering what they can think up to surprise someone with. Half of them are the kind of people who walk around in overcoats and no pants.
Sometimes you’ll meet someone who isn’t that interesting to be around or that you don’t really feel comfortable talking to openly. However, he or she is reliable, honest, and willing to help you, sometimes even when you don’t need it. Despite not having a strong emotional connection to this person, you recognize his or her value as an asset that would be foolish to distance yourself from. The way someone treats you (and others) should carry significant mass when you’re weighing your decision to include them in your inner circle or not.
The investment in a relationship is composed of the time spent together, the experiences and memories shared together, and the amount of thought, energy, and physical time spent considering the other person and their desires. The more you put into something, the slower you will be to abandon it at the first sign of trouble. The investment is the hinge of a relationship. The strength of bond and treatment can waver up and down, but investment only grows.
Everyone probably knows someone in a relationship who is treated poorly, but will not leave. It is because of the emotional bond initially established at the beginning of their relationship and the investment the person has put in. Abused people’s decision to stay may make them seem weak or illogical, but they stay where they are because the relationship dynamic still contains positives, despite being unhealthy overall. That’s not how it should be, but that’s the way it is. The only way to improve it is to insist on a higher standard.
Role of a Boyfriend
The major role for both halves of significant others is to provide for them consistent perks and support that goes above and beyond what anyone else can do in their lives. You have to know how to push their buttons, meet their needs, and keep their interest. As mentioned earlier when talking about marriage, in the most successful relationships, each person always puts the others’ needs first and then they both win.
A boyfriend is supposed to be a leader and initiate the various stages that take place in a relationship. Even though more and more girls are comfortable making the first move, most still prefer the guy to do it. A boyfriend is supposed to at least offer to pay for dates (unless the girl is also working). Boyfriends are supposed to buy small, thoughtful gifts on a completely random basis. This makes the girl feel special, because not only does she know that she is on her boyfriend’s mind, but very few girls actually receive this kind of ideal treatment.
Boyfriends are one of the very few people a girl will allow to see her true feelings. When she is vulnerable in times of weakness or pain, a boyfriend should take on an attitude of comfort and support first. Together, you can find solutions and resolutions to the issues, but the first thing a boyfriend should do is reassure her that she is not alone and that everything is going to be ok. Just wrap your arms around her for awhile. Cancel any plans you have. These moments will make or break your relationship. Save the humor, gifts, and intelligent remarks for a few hours later… Right now, being there physically is all that’s going to help. Give her all the encouragement and support she needs to consistently better her life.
A boyfriend is supposed to consider his girl’s needs and make sure they’re met. Decipher between her needs and wants. Girls will let guys know what they want in their own way. Guys are just notoriously bad at picking up hints. Things would go a lot better if girls would come right out and directly say “I want you to do this.” Since that’s rare, guys have to work on picking up hints, double meanings, and watching a girl’s body language and actions more so than her words. Her wants and needs will not necessarily be consistent. You have to constantly keep up to notice how she changes, and roll with it.
In bed, always make sure your girlfriend orgasms first. It shows her that you care about her as a person and aren’t just using her as a bag of guts. If you aren’t sure of what to do, just ask her. Be sure there’s at least twenty minutes of good foreplay before penetration (45 minutes if you fancy yourself a real crowd-pleaser). Every now and then, be aggressive and pin her against the wall, and take her forcefully and quickly like you’re both in a plane that’s about to crash.
Take the initiative to make the plans for what to do together. Consult your girlfriend before making them final. Approach her with something along the lines of, “Hey, I heard about this really cool place [tell her about it here.] Would you like to go?” Be sure to take your lady out somewhere at least twice a month (grabbing dinner at your routine restaurant doesn’t count).
Keep in touch. Ideally, you could see one another almost every day. If seeing one another every day is not possible (or desired), at least call or text. Some time apart is needed, but a consistent communication link is too. If there is to be considerable time apart for vacation or holidays, hand-written letters are a real throwback romantic touch and will totally be received with passionate sex.
Role of a Girlfriend
As said before (in case you skipped it like a bitch), the major role for both halves of significant others is to provide consistent perks and support for their partners that go above and beyond what anyone else can do in their lives. They have to know how to push each other’s buttons, meet needs, and be interesting. In the most successful relationships, each person always puts the others’ needs first, and then they both win.
Your role is to make your man happier than anything else in the world, because only you have that ability (unless you pick a man who just doesn’t care). In a good life, you are the icing on the cake. If your boyfriend does what he is supposed to do and takes care of your needs, you should reciprocate. A man’s needs consist of food, sleep, and sex. Suck his dick whenever and wherever it’s completely inappropriate. Fuck him whenever he wants. When he’s not around, practice your Kegel exercises so he never even dreams of what another girl feels like. If you’re staying over at his house while he’s at work, have something for him to eat when he gets home. Blow him the second he walks in the door, just to be silly.
If you have a job, you should offer to chip in what you can afford for your outings together. If you have a man who works long hours and his job takes a physical toll on his body, don’t feel neglected or unloved if he is too tired to pounce on you or pay you much attention when he gets home. Work is often hell, and if the day can be salvaged at all, it takes awhile to become your normal self again after being someone’s slave all day. This scenario is the equivalent of your emotional breakdown, except it happens to him almost every day. He just needs your support and understanding right now. If he’s not the type that wants to be held, just bring him something to eat and drink, and rub his shoulders. Above all, be quiet and let his mind rest awhile. If he wanted to talk about what happened, or his feelings, he’d already be ranting and raving. Don’t give him additional shit for not sharing, because he doesn’t want to have to relive the horrors he can’t do anything about.
While it’s cute if your man is able to read your mind, it’s not going to happen very often, if at all. Men just aren’t good at it. When you want something, communicate it as clearly as possible. You can try your hints and body language first, but if we don’t get it, don’t give up. Just come out and say what you want and you’ll probably get it. Be satisfied at getting what you want, even if it’s not exactly how you want it. Life isn’t perfect and men are the perfect example of imperfection. Help us please you.
Be supportive of your man in his career ambitions and risks. Encourage him to constantly better himself and learn new things.
Becoming Husband and Wife
What? All this stuff sounds good to you? Alright. Well, when you and your significant other have been together for awhile, there comes a point in time where you start discussing your life goals to see if there is a similar interest in the overall direction you want to go. Instead of being just a novelty and provider of perks, you begin to view your significant other as your life partner. Up to this point, your motivation was to get what you want. Now, when making a choice, the best outcome is when you choose what is most beneficial to both of you. You will begin to operate as a unit, making decisions with the other person’s interests in mind. You’ll even begin to share finances and bills.
You’ll have discussions and come to agreements on where you want to live, how big a house you want, how many children to have (and at what age to conceive them, presuming they are not currently already on the way), what your desired household income will be (and how to get it), and what will have to be sacrificed along the way in order to accomplish these goals.
Ideally, you should live together to test out how well you two get along. You never really know some things about a person until you live with them. After plenty of time has passed, disagreements have been resolved, and working together is now like second nature to you… you’re relating to each other the way a husband and wife should. All that’s left is the formality.
If things are going well, there might be some questioning as to whether you should even do anything different. Some people fear that getting married officially may change their relationship for the worse. Getting married is not to blame for the change. Rather, the added comfort of a lifetime commitment can be detrimental if both parts of the couple stop actively trying to please the other. If there is an attitude of, “Well, we’re married now and neither of us are going anywhere… I don’t have to try so damn hard anymore,” the relationship is doomed. This happens all the time in long-term relationships, marriage or not. If you stop trying, the spark between the two of you will die out. That leads to neglect, loneliness, perhaps cheating… everything gets all fucked up. A few more dinner dates, blowjobs, and statements of, “I love you,” here and there are all that’s needed to meet the bare minimum required to keep things going.
Miscellaneous Guidelines
Don’t be clingy and smothering. This includes forcing conversation and trying to pry about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Know how the other feels about public displays of affection, and go with it. Guys, don’t be more affectionate than she is to you. Do not be more emotional or cry more than she does.
Don’t propose marriage at all until you both know who you are and what you want out of life. No matter how in love you are now, you can’t plan for the rest of your life if you don’t quite know what you want the rest of your life to entail.
Bonus Level !!
Do your expectations of others reflect your ideal conditions, or just what you think you can get? How far are you willing to compromise standards in order to get what you want? Does the end always justify the means?
How do you think a relationship changes from significant others to married couple? Should it ideally stay the same, or is it supposed to grow a little different?
What’s more important in a relationship: the feelings you have for one another, or how well you two function as a team?
Is marriage just another failing tradition that has become obsolete? Are the benefits still worthwhile and desirable enough to continue to expect marriage to happen to everyone at some point? Try to imagine a different kind of arrangement that could potentially evolve to replace marriage altogether.
What are some other things you think an ideal boyfriend and girlfriend should do for one another?