A Guide to Growing Up - Level 2 The World Around You by Aaron Malone Lyrics
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Change in Friends
There is no such thing as a happy ending (except in certain massage venues). But while great tragedy brings people closer together, times of minor stress drive people apart. Go figure. Friendships are forged over collaborations, common interests, and sometimes just being in the same place at the same time. We each have a life path that is pre-defined for us, or that we carve out ourselves, from the surrounding thicket. Pathways are shared on a temporary basis. They cross, intertwine, encapsulate, and some even run parallel for awhile. It’s during this time that people can form a friendship.
Let’s say you are seated next to a stranger on a roller coaster. The shared thrill sparks a bond between you two and you decide to spend the rest of the day together in the theme park. A friendship is shared… but how long will it last? At the end of the day, it’s discovered you live in far opposite directions of the park. Would it be wise to put much emotional stock in this person you just met? Maybe it would be best to be grateful for the time you had and not put much pressure on yourself, or one another, to continue to grow closer. Hmm, isn’t college like that also—one big amusement park, with people from everywhere? If you haven’t yet noticed how temporary your high school relationships are, college is much of the same. Enjoy things while they’re there. With the taskforce in place that will be discussed later, you won’t be in bad shape.
Sometimes, friendships come along that are just too much fun to part with without a struggle. Consider yourself lucky when this happens. Having a companion to share lots of experiences with can be great, but just because you spend a lot of time with one person, doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a good friendship. People must be allowed to grow apart and not be held back by bonds and wishes that no longer serve their best interest. While it’s sad to not have that familiar face around as much (or at all), it opens up a seat next to you for someone better right now. It’ll be ok.
Much of your time will be spent making new friends. A lot of the people will be nice, as they are looking to make new friends too. In deciding who to be friends with, you can’t let loneliness or anything else obscure your standards. You must remember that even if someone seems nice, they’re still people who have flaws. They have a lot of growing to do as well, for they are in a state of transition also. Be open, but don’t trust anyone with your life (or your money) just yet.
Look for other characteristics in a person, other than just how they treat you, to determine if they are trustworthy or not. Look for signs of honesty in tough situations. Do they care enough, and know how to care well enough, or are they too apathetic?
Role of Acquaintances
You’re essentially friendly strangers. You might share mutual friends or spend a lot of time at the same place. Interaction consists of a nod or polite hello, but conversation only reaches the “how are you” point if you’re both together alone for longer than five seconds, like waiting for an elevator. If you were to suddenly share personal information, or inquire about them personally, it may seem awkward. You have no obligation to them whatsoever, though if they are in trouble and you ignore them as you might a real stranger, they could harbor resentment. It is expected that you will be friendly and welcoming at all times, because your relationship is not strong enough to withstand one act that could be received as being offensive. While you might tell a close friend you’re not in the mood to talk right now, you’ll more than likely listen to this person rant if they feel so inclined to use you as a sounding board while you wait for your laundry to finish. Acquaintances sees only your best face, because you are not comfortable enough around them to reveal any feelings or vulnerabilities. You’re always fine, calm, and in control of yourself when they are around. Examples of acquaintances: Co-workers, people who take the same bus all the time, classmates, people in your dorm (not roommates), the waitress in a restaurant you frequent, neighbors (in some places, neighbors act like friends), people you add on Facebook but never actually message or talk to in person, distant cousins/in-laws, and new people you are introduced to at parties.
When you find someone very similar to yourself or someone whose personality you can't get enough of, you tend to feel very comfortable around them. You both open up and share personal feelings, dreams, desires, and experiences. The person you have this type of bond with is known as your confidant, your friend.
Role of a Friend
The main goal of being someone’s friend is to enhance their happiness and enjoyment, while they symbiotically do the same for you. For instance: Friends don’t let friends watch new episodes of Saturday Night Live (basically anything post-Will Farrell). Friends visit you in the hospital, saying, “That was totally awesome!” Friends help each other move, for the small compensation of beer and barbeque/pizza. Friends lend one another their cars. A friend will give you a ride within forty miles without asking for gas money (though the friend needing the ride should always offer). Friends will listen to one another’s personal problems and try their best to offer advice. If they don’t have any advice, they will at least be sympathetic and supportive. Good friends can fool around in the bedroom for a good time. Unlike acquaintances, friends are people you actually trust. They have demonstrated loyalty to you, by prioritizing a strong friendship over adventures and experiences that could damage it. For example, friends will not hit on your significant other. If you and said significant other should break up, they will not seek your ex out and try to establish a relationship of their own. But if for some reason your friend thinks your ex is someone they want to be with, your friend must ask your permission first, before attempting anything with your ex. As long as you do not still have strong feelings still for this ex, you should not prevent them from being happy together. If you do have strong feelings still, say “Not yet” and ask for more time to move on. A real friend will prioritize your friendship that’s already there over an unknown wild card that could end up not working either. A real friend will lie to authorities, even under oath, or they will simply refuse to testify. A good friend is someone you can make fun of constantly, and who makes fun of you, and no one ever gets hurt feelings because they know it’s not serious (or that you’re loved anyway).
Good Times
You need these. Don’t grow up old and joyless like a traffic court bailiff. If you haven’t found your own niche and actually need this spelled out, here’s the gist of what’s common:
Parties, kick-backs, movies, concerts, road trips, sleepovers, dates, double-dates, sporting events, local band shows, theater, art galleries, taking classes just for general interest, going out to dinner, or to coffee, or hookah, going for walks, trying new foreign cuisine, wine-tasting, attending business conferences and acting like you care, sitting around the mall watching people and making up fake stories about them, student government, community service, building shit out of Legos, mentoring, volunteering, hanging out at bookstores, going to the beach, riding dirt bikes in the desert, hiking through the mountains, water-skiing on a lake, learning to play your guitar better, or another instrument…
Oh yeah, drinking and drugs are pretty popular too. If you’re going to go that route, at least be smart and selective about it. If you’re not sure about trying something, just watch first. Observe other people high on the drug you’re curious about and see if that’s a state of mind you still want to experience. Don’t accept handouts from just anybody. You never know if what you’re getting is really what they say it is or if it’s laced with something else. You don’t need to try everything. The side effects of being involved with certain people and certain drugs may result in a death wish. Stay away from anything addictive or too insane, like cocaine, meth, and heroin. As with anything, always consider the long-term effects of your decision, not just the short-term elation. If you get busted for having drugs or underage drinking (over 18), your mind will be blown how seriously society frowns upon your decision.
Mistakes You Need to Make
You need to go out with someone who mistreats you, hopefully not too badly, and not for too long. You just need to know what it’s like so you can actually appreciate it when someone is nice to you, instead of being turned off by it. The point of dating and relationships is not the chase. It’s being able to open up and actually feel connected to someone else. People who are enamored with the chase and lose interest once they have what they sought, will always feel unfulfilled until they die, stupid and alone.
You need to try something you know is a bad idea. This is the time to experiment and get all your curiosity and wildness out. If you want to drink, get high, pursue sexual fantasies, explore strange world views or religions… do it now (as opposed to when you have built a family) while you can make a new group of friends within a day after embarrassing yourself horribly in front of your old friends.
You need someone to be pissed off at you so you can learn to make adjustments to yourself. First and foremost, being defensive and snotty when confronted is a large sign of insecurity. Most people are insecure when it comes down to it. You have to at least believe in your own ability to change and adapt, or you might as well die now. There is nothing more fundamentally important than that. Unless you have unlimited funds, the person you are now will not make it in the real world, no matter how smart or experienced you already are.
You need to experience loss. The loss of a friend, getting a terrible grade, the loss of a contest, something… and then you need to learn how to get over it. Recovery from losing depends on what kind of loss it is. Always remember that life itself goes on no matter what–even if yours doesn’t, even if someone else’s doesn’t. Time keeps on going, healing, forgetting… A loss just makes an opening for something else in your life. A renewed dedication for yourself to be better is always a good place to start. You can always be good enough but you can never be great enough. In the middle, somewhere is a healthy self-image. Remember to grade yourself on a curve, compared to those around you. You can’t strive for perfection as a person. In academics and other systems with clearly defined parameters, it’s possible, but not for people, because all our rules are subjective. Just be the best version of yourself you can be, in any given situation, and hopefully people won’t loudly despise you. That’s really the best anyone can do.
You need to realize what your mistakes are and then remember not to make the same ones over again. Making a mistake is not a failure. Failure is continuing to make the same mistakes instead of making progress. If you’re hanging out with the same kind of people, dating the same kind of people, doing the same kind of activities, and not getting the desired results you want… maybe you just don’t belong where you think you do, like people who try to find love in bars, for instance. People go to bars to have a good time and laugh. Lurking around are the few that just don’t get it: Those just out to get laid for the night, those who are looking for their soul-mates, and occasionally, a few looking to cause a lot of trouble after the bar closes.
Mistakes That are Costly to Make
Don’t jump to extreme conclusions. If you are mistreated or angered by someone of a certain race, ideology, or some other sort of classification, do not condemn all other people who fit that same category. No one person is a complete representative of their culture or race. Hate the person who hurt you, but not everything that reminds you of that person. Even though the reminders might hurt you again for awhile, hating them is retarded. Don’t decide not to date hockey players, or blondes, or automotive engineering majors. Those are all the wrong classifications. The only classification you need to keep away from are the douchebags.
Don’t sign up for the credit card offers that will mysteriously start flowing in. They are just trying to take advantage of your energetic ignorance and add you to the majority of debt-ridden Americans. However, our society is so credit-driven, you now NEED a credit card for any sort of travel or financial agreement (rent, etc.). A good credit score will take you more places than actual cash will. Most hotels require a credit card in order to check in. Almost all rental car services require one as well. Credit cards are even used now to check into airlines.
Debit cards aren’t always treated the same. Also, hotels/car rental services will put large “holds” on the card which could actually be a problem on a debit card. Talk with your parents (if your parents suck, try the school guidance counselor) about what kind of credit card to start out with. The rules for using credit cards are not to buy anything on it that you don’t currently have the cash to pay off. Pay it off immediately online. Try not to use it at all except in the case of emergencies… However, make sure your card isn’t one of the tricky ones that will actually charge you for NOT using it.
Don’t drop a class without actually dropping it at the registration office. An incomplete or a W is a lot better than an F. Don’t fuck yourself over by being lazy or embarrassed for not wanting to stick it out.
Unwritten Rules of Social Interaction (until now)
There are many things that are just “understood” that no one ever thinks to tell you about until you mess up… Sometimes, they still won’t even tell you. They’ll just think you’re an idiot (or an asshole) and not respect you anymore. This is a very incomplete list of things expected of you. First and foremost: Rules are only a guideline to follow for the goal of general peace. General peace is not always the objective. Rules also become obsolete over time and need to be amended.
If you drink, you are expected to be the one who buys sometimes. Buying a drink for a stranger who is broke is not uncommon. Sharing your alcohol with friends/roommates is mandatory. But always leave the last beer or ¼ of a bottle of alcohol to the person who bought it.
Rotate designated drivers. Just because one person might not drink as much as the rest of you, they still should get to drink sometimes.
If you smoke, you are expected to give a spare cigarette to any other smoker who asks for one. When you are out of cigarettes, they are expected to give one to you. Offering money for just one makes you look very lame and desperate. Just ask nicely. Unless their pack is almost empty, most people will comply.
When doing drugs, ask any people you’re around if they are comfortable with you doing it in front of them. Some people can get in a retarded amount of trouble if they come home smelling like weed. There’s such a thing called guilt by association (which is not justice at all, but justice in America is a joke anyway), which can get people around you who had nothing to do with it in just as much trouble (or more, if on probation), if an authority were to catch you. Plus, if you don’t know that someone is uncomfortable, they could always rat you out (or tell someone else who rats you out).
Do not hook up with, or ask out, or have an affectionate relationship of any kind with the ex of a friend or family member. If you wish to, ask the permission of your friend or family member first; unless they are still in love (or just crazy), they should feel obligated to give you their permission.
If you become best friends with your sibling’s ex or ex-best friend, there will likely be problems. Just expect it.
It’s hard to be honest about things that will hurt someone. But to save further and deeper hurt later, you should tell the truth anyway, even if
it makes you look bad. Not enough people do this. If you have any courage at all, at least admit to things you do. It’s easier for a person to forgive any other mistake than it is to trust someone who has lied to them.
Don’t talk on your cell phone in libraries, elevators, or other enclosed spaces with other people. No one cares to hear your conversation about how your friend is getting a tramp stamp of Drake making out with the Rihanna tattoo on Chris Brown’s neck.
When at parties, at least make small talk to people you are introduced to by the host.
Pay attention to your body language. Being quiet doesn’t make you immune from the judgment of others.
If you are inviting people along to an outing, make it clear whether you are paying for them or if they need to pay for themselves. You don’t have to directly state ‘but I’m not paying for you’. That makes you sound like a dick. If during the course of conversation you just state ‘tickets are $60’ or what not, then it’s implied that person needs to come up with that money.
Backing out of plans at the very last minute is bullshit. If it’s an emergency, then people will understand, but you better be the one to call and tell them. Don’t call and don’t show up more than once, and you can forget that friendship forever. At some point in the future, it will be legal to set these fuckholes who flake out all the time on fire.
If you have horrendously nasty farts, go somewhere else. It’s not even funny the first time. Seriously. No funny footnote. Just go away.
When you lend someone money, have a date set for them to pay you back. If you are the one borrowing money, don’t wait for the lender to ask for it back. It’s really uncomfortable for some people to ask for it.
If you borrow something, return it in the same condition. Under no circumstances, are you allowed to lend out something you yourself borrowed without asking the person who actually owns it first.
Girls with tattoos on their back or chest are generally not taken seriously. Angelina Jolie’s tiger and claw marks look cool. You’re not Angelina Jolie. Same with guys who have tattoos on their biceps of: barbed wire, tribal markings with no actual significance, random Chinese characters, or sports team logos. Guys with tattoos on their neck, or who have tattoos of more than one woman’s name on them, are guys most people want to stay away from. Maybe they’re harmless, but the more you modify your body, the tougher normal life will become.
Guys should always expect to pay for the date, even though it happens less and less these days. Especially the first date.
If you dress like a whore, you will be treated like a whore. Just like if you dress like a gangster, you could be jumped or shot. That’s just the way it is, and taking a stand against this isn’t going to make a change. It’s just going to hurt you. Until people as a whole are not superficial and fearful, judging people by how they look and dress will always be a problem. Aren’t we silly?
Always pick up after yourself. Especially at someone else’s house. Don’t leave your used drinks or plates lying around. At least put them in the sink and rinse them.
If going somewhere far away with a group of friends, offer the person driving a little bit of money for gas (usually $5 is fine).
If you’re in a group of more than two people, don’t walk side by side where other people need to get by you (the mall, movie theaters, skating rinks, etc.). Or if you do, at least move fast.
If you’re going to be late, call as soon as you realize it. If you’re going to be more than ten minutes late, call at the time you were supposed to arrive and give an update on your status.
When living with roommates, be very clear on what is shared and what you don’t want other people to use. Things go by smoother if either everything is shared or nothing is shared.
People will hate you if you try to fight battles for someone else. Not minding your own business doesn’t make you a hero; it makes you a pest.
Once you introduce friends to one another, you can’t step in and try to keep them separate; especially if they become friends with one another.
When you drop a hint about something, and a person doesn’t get it the first time, say what you mean very bluntly in a whisper, or write it on a note. Otherwise the person may ask out loud what the hint you gave means, and you’ll both be embarrassed.
People who blare their music loudly from their cars with the windows down are ALL douchebags. What you think is good music, probably isn’t. The only exceptions are Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Johann Sebastian Bach, and Tupac.
When someone comes into your place, offer them something to drink, especially if they’re there to do repair work. They’re likely to do better work if they’re hydrated and then you leave them alone. Don’t stand by watching them work.
If your kid is crying in a restaurant, theater, or any other public establishment, pick them up and take them outside. Or better yet, if the kid isn’t mature enough (regardless of age) to not cry unless physically injured somehow, don’t bring them along at all. If you’re a young parent, your life as you once knew it is now over, and you need to accept it.
Don’t drag friends along shopping (especially window shopping!) if they hate shopping. They will rightfully hate you.
There is no good reason to tape the birth of anything. Is there ever a good reason to go back and watch the birth of something? No. Also, nobody cares about ultrasound pictures. How are people supposed to react? “Oh, it’s a peanut. Aren’t you lucky…”
Don’t show pictures of babies to guys. For that matter, don’t show real babies to guys either. When they’re old enough to play catch or tackle football, only then will the friendly reaction be genuine.
All nude pictures WILL get circulated around the internet. Yes, yours too.
Unless you’re in amazing shape, don’t wear cutoff shirts or booty shorts, regardless of your age. Stretch marks and fat rolls get the same reaction as if you have boogers dripping down your face.
When people are sleeping, be fucking quiet! Unless they have told you to wake them up at a certain time, don’t wake them up by being noisy just because you’re awake.
Always knock when there is a closed door. At the same time, if you don’t want someone coming in, lock the door. If we all work together on this, we might have at least marginal success.
Easy on the cologne, stupid! It reeks of overcompensation. Spray one time, directly in front of you, then walk through it once. That’s all you need.
Bonus Level !!
How do you differentiate between noise and valuable information? Do you only accept what topics interest you? Or, do you only listen to what (publicly accepted) reliable sources have to say? With the selective fact-sharing that goes on nowadays, how do you analyze what information is credible, and what is merely propaganda?
What are the downfalls of letting your emotions make decisions for you? Conversely, what are the downfalls of not factoring your emotions into your decisions at all?
How do you rank the following, in terms of importance: Happiness, doing what’s right, balance, experience, knowledge? How do you justify one aspect over the other? Does it ever flip-flop?
Do you understand the concept of free will and being in charge of your life, or are you too used to being a sheep and having others tell you/force you into doing what they say? How do you intend to break free from slavery (that’s literally what it is)? If it’s not as easy as just saying no, devise a plan to be able to become free.
The more you expect from a person, the more opportunities there are for you to be disappointed. Can you live life with only acquaintances around? Don’t you have a longing for a closer connection with at least a few other people?
When you envision the person you want to be, what do you see? How is that person different from you now? Do you already have a roadmap of changes and pathways necessary for you to get there, or do you need to make one?
We all want to live life to the fullest… but what is that, really? Is it never settling for anything less than the best, or is it indulging in every opportunity that comes our way? Is what you picked actually how you act and what you base your values on?
At what point is it a good idea to trash a current relationship? At what point is a relationship already in the trash worth fighting to keep?
Do you still see a difference between news and entertainment? If you blur the two together, it seems like it could be used as an unfathomable mind-control device, instructing the emotional response of viewers. What are the dangers and benefits of this?
Change in Friends
There is no such thing as a happy ending (except in certain massage venues). But while great tragedy brings people closer together, times of minor stress drive people apart. Go figure. Friendships are forged over collaborations, common interests, and sometimes just being in the same place at the same time. We each have a life path that is pre-defined for us, or that we carve out ourselves, from the surrounding thicket. Pathways are shared on a temporary basis. They cross, intertwine, encapsulate, and some even run parallel for awhile. It’s during this time that people can form a friendship.
Let’s say you are seated next to a stranger on a roller coaster. The shared thrill sparks a bond between you two and you decide to spend the rest of the day together in the theme park. A friendship is shared… but how long will it last? At the end of the day, it’s discovered you live in far opposite directions of the park. Would it be wise to put much emotional stock in this person you just met? Maybe it would be best to be grateful for the time you had and not put much pressure on yourself, or one another, to continue to grow closer. Hmm, isn’t college like that also—one big amusement park, with people from everywhere? If you haven’t yet noticed how temporary your high school relationships are, college is much of the same. Enjoy things while they’re there. With the taskforce in place that will be discussed later, you won’t be in bad shape.
Sometimes, friendships come along that are just too much fun to part with without a struggle. Consider yourself lucky when this happens. Having a companion to share lots of experiences with can be great, but just because you spend a lot of time with one person, doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a good friendship. People must be allowed to grow apart and not be held back by bonds and wishes that no longer serve their best interest. While it’s sad to not have that familiar face around as much (or at all), it opens up a seat next to you for someone better right now. It’ll be ok.
Much of your time will be spent making new friends. A lot of the people will be nice, as they are looking to make new friends too. In deciding who to be friends with, you can’t let loneliness or anything else obscure your standards. You must remember that even if someone seems nice, they’re still people who have flaws. They have a lot of growing to do as well, for they are in a state of transition also. Be open, but don’t trust anyone with your life (or your money) just yet.
Look for other characteristics in a person, other than just how they treat you, to determine if they are trustworthy or not. Look for signs of honesty in tough situations. Do they care enough, and know how to care well enough, or are they too apathetic?
Role of Acquaintances
You’re essentially friendly strangers. You might share mutual friends or spend a lot of time at the same place. Interaction consists of a nod or polite hello, but conversation only reaches the “how are you” point if you’re both together alone for longer than five seconds, like waiting for an elevator. If you were to suddenly share personal information, or inquire about them personally, it may seem awkward. You have no obligation to them whatsoever, though if they are in trouble and you ignore them as you might a real stranger, they could harbor resentment. It is expected that you will be friendly and welcoming at all times, because your relationship is not strong enough to withstand one act that could be received as being offensive. While you might tell a close friend you’re not in the mood to talk right now, you’ll more than likely listen to this person rant if they feel so inclined to use you as a sounding board while you wait for your laundry to finish. Acquaintances sees only your best face, because you are not comfortable enough around them to reveal any feelings or vulnerabilities. You’re always fine, calm, and in control of yourself when they are around. Examples of acquaintances: Co-workers, people who take the same bus all the time, classmates, people in your dorm (not roommates), the waitress in a restaurant you frequent, neighbors (in some places, neighbors act like friends), people you add on Facebook but never actually message or talk to in person, distant cousins/in-laws, and new people you are introduced to at parties.
When you find someone very similar to yourself or someone whose personality you can't get enough of, you tend to feel very comfortable around them. You both open up and share personal feelings, dreams, desires, and experiences. The person you have this type of bond with is known as your confidant, your friend.
Role of a Friend
The main goal of being someone’s friend is to enhance their happiness and enjoyment, while they symbiotically do the same for you. For instance: Friends don’t let friends watch new episodes of Saturday Night Live (basically anything post-Will Farrell). Friends visit you in the hospital, saying, “That was totally awesome!” Friends help each other move, for the small compensation of beer and barbeque/pizza. Friends lend one another their cars. A friend will give you a ride within forty miles without asking for gas money (though the friend needing the ride should always offer). Friends will listen to one another’s personal problems and try their best to offer advice. If they don’t have any advice, they will at least be sympathetic and supportive. Good friends can fool around in the bedroom for a good time. Unlike acquaintances, friends are people you actually trust. They have demonstrated loyalty to you, by prioritizing a strong friendship over adventures and experiences that could damage it. For example, friends will not hit on your significant other. If you and said significant other should break up, they will not seek your ex out and try to establish a relationship of their own. But if for some reason your friend thinks your ex is someone they want to be with, your friend must ask your permission first, before attempting anything with your ex. As long as you do not still have strong feelings still for this ex, you should not prevent them from being happy together. If you do have strong feelings still, say “Not yet” and ask for more time to move on. A real friend will prioritize your friendship that’s already there over an unknown wild card that could end up not working either. A real friend will lie to authorities, even under oath, or they will simply refuse to testify. A good friend is someone you can make fun of constantly, and who makes fun of you, and no one ever gets hurt feelings because they know it’s not serious (or that you’re loved anyway).
Good Times
You need these. Don’t grow up old and joyless like a traffic court bailiff. If you haven’t found your own niche and actually need this spelled out, here’s the gist of what’s common:
Parties, kick-backs, movies, concerts, road trips, sleepovers, dates, double-dates, sporting events, local band shows, theater, art galleries, taking classes just for general interest, going out to dinner, or to coffee, or hookah, going for walks, trying new foreign cuisine, wine-tasting, attending business conferences and acting like you care, sitting around the mall watching people and making up fake stories about them, student government, community service, building shit out of Legos, mentoring, volunteering, hanging out at bookstores, going to the beach, riding dirt bikes in the desert, hiking through the mountains, water-skiing on a lake, learning to play your guitar better, or another instrument…
Oh yeah, drinking and drugs are pretty popular too. If you’re going to go that route, at least be smart and selective about it. If you’re not sure about trying something, just watch first. Observe other people high on the drug you’re curious about and see if that’s a state of mind you still want to experience. Don’t accept handouts from just anybody. You never know if what you’re getting is really what they say it is or if it’s laced with something else. You don’t need to try everything. The side effects of being involved with certain people and certain drugs may result in a death wish. Stay away from anything addictive or too insane, like cocaine, meth, and heroin. As with anything, always consider the long-term effects of your decision, not just the short-term elation. If you get busted for having drugs or underage drinking (over 18), your mind will be blown how seriously society frowns upon your decision.
Mistakes You Need to Make
You need to go out with someone who mistreats you, hopefully not too badly, and not for too long. You just need to know what it’s like so you can actually appreciate it when someone is nice to you, instead of being turned off by it. The point of dating and relationships is not the chase. It’s being able to open up and actually feel connected to someone else. People who are enamored with the chase and lose interest once they have what they sought, will always feel unfulfilled until they die, stupid and alone.
You need to try something you know is a bad idea. This is the time to experiment and get all your curiosity and wildness out. If you want to drink, get high, pursue sexual fantasies, explore strange world views or religions… do it now (as opposed to when you have built a family) while you can make a new group of friends within a day after embarrassing yourself horribly in front of your old friends.
You need someone to be pissed off at you so you can learn to make adjustments to yourself. First and foremost, being defensive and snotty when confronted is a large sign of insecurity. Most people are insecure when it comes down to it. You have to at least believe in your own ability to change and adapt, or you might as well die now. There is nothing more fundamentally important than that. Unless you have unlimited funds, the person you are now will not make it in the real world, no matter how smart or experienced you already are.
You need to experience loss. The loss of a friend, getting a terrible grade, the loss of a contest, something… and then you need to learn how to get over it. Recovery from losing depends on what kind of loss it is. Always remember that life itself goes on no matter what–even if yours doesn’t, even if someone else’s doesn’t. Time keeps on going, healing, forgetting… A loss just makes an opening for something else in your life. A renewed dedication for yourself to be better is always a good place to start. You can always be good enough but you can never be great enough. In the middle, somewhere is a healthy self-image. Remember to grade yourself on a curve, compared to those around you. You can’t strive for perfection as a person. In academics and other systems with clearly defined parameters, it’s possible, but not for people, because all our rules are subjective. Just be the best version of yourself you can be, in any given situation, and hopefully people won’t loudly despise you. That’s really the best anyone can do.
You need to realize what your mistakes are and then remember not to make the same ones over again. Making a mistake is not a failure. Failure is continuing to make the same mistakes instead of making progress. If you’re hanging out with the same kind of people, dating the same kind of people, doing the same kind of activities, and not getting the desired results you want… maybe you just don’t belong where you think you do, like people who try to find love in bars, for instance. People go to bars to have a good time and laugh. Lurking around are the few that just don’t get it: Those just out to get laid for the night, those who are looking for their soul-mates, and occasionally, a few looking to cause a lot of trouble after the bar closes.
Mistakes That are Costly to Make
Don’t jump to extreme conclusions. If you are mistreated or angered by someone of a certain race, ideology, or some other sort of classification, do not condemn all other people who fit that same category. No one person is a complete representative of their culture or race. Hate the person who hurt you, but not everything that reminds you of that person. Even though the reminders might hurt you again for awhile, hating them is retarded. Don’t decide not to date hockey players, or blondes, or automotive engineering majors. Those are all the wrong classifications. The only classification you need to keep away from are the douchebags.
Don’t sign up for the credit card offers that will mysteriously start flowing in. They are just trying to take advantage of your energetic ignorance and add you to the majority of debt-ridden Americans. However, our society is so credit-driven, you now NEED a credit card for any sort of travel or financial agreement (rent, etc.). A good credit score will take you more places than actual cash will. Most hotels require a credit card in order to check in. Almost all rental car services require one as well. Credit cards are even used now to check into airlines.
Debit cards aren’t always treated the same. Also, hotels/car rental services will put large “holds” on the card which could actually be a problem on a debit card. Talk with your parents (if your parents suck, try the school guidance counselor) about what kind of credit card to start out with. The rules for using credit cards are not to buy anything on it that you don’t currently have the cash to pay off. Pay it off immediately online. Try not to use it at all except in the case of emergencies… However, make sure your card isn’t one of the tricky ones that will actually charge you for NOT using it.
Don’t drop a class without actually dropping it at the registration office. An incomplete or a W is a lot better than an F. Don’t fuck yourself over by being lazy or embarrassed for not wanting to stick it out.
Unwritten Rules of Social Interaction (until now)
There are many things that are just “understood” that no one ever thinks to tell you about until you mess up… Sometimes, they still won’t even tell you. They’ll just think you’re an idiot (or an asshole) and not respect you anymore. This is a very incomplete list of things expected of you. First and foremost: Rules are only a guideline to follow for the goal of general peace. General peace is not always the objective. Rules also become obsolete over time and need to be amended.
If you drink, you are expected to be the one who buys sometimes. Buying a drink for a stranger who is broke is not uncommon. Sharing your alcohol with friends/roommates is mandatory. But always leave the last beer or ¼ of a bottle of alcohol to the person who bought it.
Rotate designated drivers. Just because one person might not drink as much as the rest of you, they still should get to drink sometimes.
If you smoke, you are expected to give a spare cigarette to any other smoker who asks for one. When you are out of cigarettes, they are expected to give one to you. Offering money for just one makes you look very lame and desperate. Just ask nicely. Unless their pack is almost empty, most people will comply.
When doing drugs, ask any people you’re around if they are comfortable with you doing it in front of them. Some people can get in a retarded amount of trouble if they come home smelling like weed. There’s such a thing called guilt by association (which is not justice at all, but justice in America is a joke anyway), which can get people around you who had nothing to do with it in just as much trouble (or more, if on probation), if an authority were to catch you. Plus, if you don’t know that someone is uncomfortable, they could always rat you out (or tell someone else who rats you out).
Do not hook up with, or ask out, or have an affectionate relationship of any kind with the ex of a friend or family member. If you wish to, ask the permission of your friend or family member first; unless they are still in love (or just crazy), they should feel obligated to give you their permission.
If you become best friends with your sibling’s ex or ex-best friend, there will likely be problems. Just expect it.
It’s hard to be honest about things that will hurt someone. But to save further and deeper hurt later, you should tell the truth anyway, even if
it makes you look bad. Not enough people do this. If you have any courage at all, at least admit to things you do. It’s easier for a person to forgive any other mistake than it is to trust someone who has lied to them.
Don’t talk on your cell phone in libraries, elevators, or other enclosed spaces with other people. No one cares to hear your conversation about how your friend is getting a tramp stamp of Drake making out with the Rihanna tattoo on Chris Brown’s neck.
When at parties, at least make small talk to people you are introduced to by the host.
Pay attention to your body language. Being quiet doesn’t make you immune from the judgment of others.
If you are inviting people along to an outing, make it clear whether you are paying for them or if they need to pay for themselves. You don’t have to directly state ‘but I’m not paying for you’. That makes you sound like a dick. If during the course of conversation you just state ‘tickets are $60’ or what not, then it’s implied that person needs to come up with that money.
Backing out of plans at the very last minute is bullshit. If it’s an emergency, then people will understand, but you better be the one to call and tell them. Don’t call and don’t show up more than once, and you can forget that friendship forever. At some point in the future, it will be legal to set these fuckholes who flake out all the time on fire.
If you have horrendously nasty farts, go somewhere else. It’s not even funny the first time. Seriously. No funny footnote. Just go away.
When you lend someone money, have a date set for them to pay you back. If you are the one borrowing money, don’t wait for the lender to ask for it back. It’s really uncomfortable for some people to ask for it.
If you borrow something, return it in the same condition. Under no circumstances, are you allowed to lend out something you yourself borrowed without asking the person who actually owns it first.
Girls with tattoos on their back or chest are generally not taken seriously. Angelina Jolie’s tiger and claw marks look cool. You’re not Angelina Jolie. Same with guys who have tattoos on their biceps of: barbed wire, tribal markings with no actual significance, random Chinese characters, or sports team logos. Guys with tattoos on their neck, or who have tattoos of more than one woman’s name on them, are guys most people want to stay away from. Maybe they’re harmless, but the more you modify your body, the tougher normal life will become.
Guys should always expect to pay for the date, even though it happens less and less these days. Especially the first date.
If you dress like a whore, you will be treated like a whore. Just like if you dress like a gangster, you could be jumped or shot. That’s just the way it is, and taking a stand against this isn’t going to make a change. It’s just going to hurt you. Until people as a whole are not superficial and fearful, judging people by how they look and dress will always be a problem. Aren’t we silly?
Always pick up after yourself. Especially at someone else’s house. Don’t leave your used drinks or plates lying around. At least put them in the sink and rinse them.
If going somewhere far away with a group of friends, offer the person driving a little bit of money for gas (usually $5 is fine).
If you’re in a group of more than two people, don’t walk side by side where other people need to get by you (the mall, movie theaters, skating rinks, etc.). Or if you do, at least move fast.
If you’re going to be late, call as soon as you realize it. If you’re going to be more than ten minutes late, call at the time you were supposed to arrive and give an update on your status.
When living with roommates, be very clear on what is shared and what you don’t want other people to use. Things go by smoother if either everything is shared or nothing is shared.
People will hate you if you try to fight battles for someone else. Not minding your own business doesn’t make you a hero; it makes you a pest.
Once you introduce friends to one another, you can’t step in and try to keep them separate; especially if they become friends with one another.
When you drop a hint about something, and a person doesn’t get it the first time, say what you mean very bluntly in a whisper, or write it on a note. Otherwise the person may ask out loud what the hint you gave means, and you’ll both be embarrassed.
People who blare their music loudly from their cars with the windows down are ALL douchebags. What you think is good music, probably isn’t. The only exceptions are Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Johann Sebastian Bach, and Tupac.
When someone comes into your place, offer them something to drink, especially if they’re there to do repair work. They’re likely to do better work if they’re hydrated and then you leave them alone. Don’t stand by watching them work.
If your kid is crying in a restaurant, theater, or any other public establishment, pick them up and take them outside. Or better yet, if the kid isn’t mature enough (regardless of age) to not cry unless physically injured somehow, don’t bring them along at all. If you’re a young parent, your life as you once knew it is now over, and you need to accept it.
Don’t drag friends along shopping (especially window shopping!) if they hate shopping. They will rightfully hate you.
There is no good reason to tape the birth of anything. Is there ever a good reason to go back and watch the birth of something? No. Also, nobody cares about ultrasound pictures. How are people supposed to react? “Oh, it’s a peanut. Aren’t you lucky…”
Don’t show pictures of babies to guys. For that matter, don’t show real babies to guys either. When they’re old enough to play catch or tackle football, only then will the friendly reaction be genuine.
All nude pictures WILL get circulated around the internet. Yes, yours too.
Unless you’re in amazing shape, don’t wear cutoff shirts or booty shorts, regardless of your age. Stretch marks and fat rolls get the same reaction as if you have boogers dripping down your face.
When people are sleeping, be fucking quiet! Unless they have told you to wake them up at a certain time, don’t wake them up by being noisy just because you’re awake.
Always knock when there is a closed door. At the same time, if you don’t want someone coming in, lock the door. If we all work together on this, we might have at least marginal success.
Easy on the cologne, stupid! It reeks of overcompensation. Spray one time, directly in front of you, then walk through it once. That’s all you need.
Bonus Level !!
How do you differentiate between noise and valuable information? Do you only accept what topics interest you? Or, do you only listen to what (publicly accepted) reliable sources have to say? With the selective fact-sharing that goes on nowadays, how do you analyze what information is credible, and what is merely propaganda?
What are the downfalls of letting your emotions make decisions for you? Conversely, what are the downfalls of not factoring your emotions into your decisions at all?
How do you rank the following, in terms of importance: Happiness, doing what’s right, balance, experience, knowledge? How do you justify one aspect over the other? Does it ever flip-flop?
Do you understand the concept of free will and being in charge of your life, or are you too used to being a sheep and having others tell you/force you into doing what they say? How do you intend to break free from slavery (that’s literally what it is)? If it’s not as easy as just saying no, devise a plan to be able to become free.
The more you expect from a person, the more opportunities there are for you to be disappointed. Can you live life with only acquaintances around? Don’t you have a longing for a closer connection with at least a few other people?
When you envision the person you want to be, what do you see? How is that person different from you now? Do you already have a roadmap of changes and pathways necessary for you to get there, or do you need to make one?
We all want to live life to the fullest… but what is that, really? Is it never settling for anything less than the best, or is it indulging in every opportunity that comes our way? Is what you picked actually how you act and what you base your values on?
At what point is it a good idea to trash a current relationship? At what point is a relationship already in the trash worth fighting to keep?
Do you still see a difference between news and entertainment? If you blur the two together, it seems like it could be used as an unfathomable mind-control device, instructing the emotional response of viewers. What are the dangers and benefits of this?